Wednesday, April 27, 2011

That Ego……a blessing or a curse?

I was arguing with a certain male once upon a time n it was so obvious he was wrong; the dumbest person could tell, yet he wasn’t going to give. He kept on harping on his lame point n at a point I was disgusted. I like to argue but only when it’s done intelligently. I mean, if n when a person is wrong, shouldn’t he/she be graceful in admitting n taking correction? Not my guy oh! God forbid that he bow to my opinion…..after all I am a lady! What more does my specie know to do than to cook, clean n keep house? SMH!

It didn’t take so much to figure out what he was about. It’s all about the ego. That sacred, untouchable aspect of a man’s being a lady shouldn’t be messing with. What exactly is the ego anywayz? Let’s ask the dictionary shall we? It says, ‘the ‘I’ or self of any person as thinking, feeling or willing……. It also says, ‘conceit, self-esteem or self-importance feelings. Do we get the picture? If you don’t, just think about the reason why a man would refuse to help his wife within/without the home n we are good to go. Ok? Let’s go!

So, we have an idea of what the ego is. Everyone has a measure of it but am I biased to say the men have a larger dose of it? Ego in itself is not a bad thing. It’s just like saying one has a measure of self-esteem. A healthy self-esteem is required to maintain healthy relationships n succeed. One’s self-concept is very important. It’s gotta be right n healthy. Now, what happens when there is a very high supply of this? High self-esteem, high self-concept, too much ego…..I’ll say it’s tantamount to pride, in any way you might wanna explain it, I’m all ears. Shall we see the dictionary again? It says, ‘pride is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.’ So, we can say pride is synonyms with hyper ego or an over-inflated self-esteem.

God is His wisdom knows why he created man the way he did. The physique, emotions, mind, qualities n attributes. Interestingly, it seems He put a good dose of the ego in the whole package, but I doubt if He intended it to be a curse. A man without an ego is unattractive-at least to me. He’s gotta have ‘balls’! Can’t be acting all sissy n jelly. He has to be able to earn my respect n admiration and his ego has a lot to do with that. We all know that saying- too much of anything is bad? Well, in this case I agree! Yes, please have that ego but a super duper dose? No, thanks….I’ll pass!

What is it that makes a man make rash decisions n then cannot revoke it even with pleas n in the face of imminent destruction? What makes a man think women are created for his pleasure n he can have them when he pleases? What makes a man think there’s no lady he could ever ask out that would say ‘No’ to him? What makes a man think he can hurt a woman n then give her a time limit to get over it? What makes it difficult for a man to apologize to his wife even after he has caused her so much pain? What makes it difficult for a man to help his wife with her work/chores? What makes a man go berserk when his masculinity is questioned? Brethren, the ‘what makes….’ won’t end. Have a whole lot of them.

A dear friend said to me, ‘girl, I am advising you like a brother would. Never, ever touch your man’s ego. It’s the worst thing you could do to a man.’ Wow! I must say, he made a lot of sense as I have come to see that. So, I would say, Ladies, please do your best to stroke your man’s ego n avoid stepping on it. It’s unwise for a sister to say to her man, ‘Be a man’. Honey, he don’t need you telling him that. A woman’s gotta know how to harness her man’s qualities n maximize them. So, two things- Don’t tread on it n stroke it. Yes, massage it. He needs you to. That just means- boost his self confidence n esteem.

Brothers! Now, I’m unto you. I have just one answer for the ‘what makes’ up there…’s called an OVER- INFLATED EGO! It is destructive. In as much as you are a man, n you got the power, do not forget you are dealing with a fellow human being even if she might be your woman. ‘Do unto others what you would have them do to you’. No exceptions. Half of what men dish out they cannot take. When it’s over inflated, it is difficult to see. You cannot see past yourself n your needs. You cannot see past her shortcomings. You cannot see or respect her opinions n needs. You cannot see past the arrogance n false sense of authority. I remember this chiker n really, that chase wasn’t a palatable one because all I could see in him was that OVER-INFLATED EGO. Of course, I ran for my dear life.

What caused Lucifer’s fall? That over-inflated ego. Guys, it could be a blessing and vice-versa; it’s your call. If you have a woman that does her best to encourage n impress you, then don’t ruin it. Don’t allow that ego take over. Control it, manage it, do all you can to keep it healthy but not overgrown. Yes, you are the head of the home, the head of the woman, her crown… have that much power but the real test of it is to have it n not misuse it. Remember, our choices n decisions make us. He didn’t give it to you to be misused; it is supposed to be a blessing.

So, I am tempted to agree with Beyonce when she says, ‘if it’s too big, too strong, too wide n too much - it WON’T fit ‘cos if he has a huge ego n such a big ego………..I don’t want none of it!

Much love!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Words to live by!

Holla! I hope everyone’s been doing just great?

I came across these ‘wise sayings’ recently n I thought I should share. Please read n pick that which hits home *smiles*

The measure of a man is based on the position he places God in his life. If God ain’t priority, he CAN’T love you properly.

Ladies, A relationship should be a merger, not a take-over.

Men, understand that it’s an honour to be in the presence of a woman’s emotions, to be in that space is a privilege!

Ladies, if he doesn’t act right, he should get left!

Submission teaches a man accountability n gives the woman a clue to what kind of man he is by the countenance of his mentor.

Ladies, your single time is your BEST time. It gives you the chance to evaluate if he is worthy enough of you. 
Scripture says, U are the prize!

A woman should be able to trace a man’s spiritual lineage (mentorship).

Ladies, don’t be ‘blinded’ by what he has/does. Really, his maturity level determines if he is a ‘Man’ or ‘Boy’.

Ladies, don’t plan that weding and marriage until you have seen the FRUITS, not the words but the fruits of his maturity.

Ladies, Men do not make a mess and not clean up. Only pigs wallow in mess. Make sure he is a man and not a male pig.

A repentant man humbles himself and is broken by her pain. He wants to repair the damage and weeps privately for what he’s done to her.

Men, you cannot hurt a woman and then put a time limit on when she should get over the hurt.

Most men don’t understand sensitivity. Many only know how to HANDLE things!!! Sadly, they also try to HANDLE their women!

Dear daughter, when you fail to define yourself, you leave room for any man to come in and define you.

Learning to ignore some things is one of the great paths to inner peace.

You win some, you lose some and some get rained out…..but you have to get dressed for all of them- Satchel Paige.

Here’s wishing everyone a happy Easter celebration while we remember the reason for the season.

Much love!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Eko o ni baje!

'Everyman sent out from his university should be a man of his Nation as well as a man of his time.' - Woodrow Wilson.

Hi blog-pals, hope we had fabulous weekends yeah?

This deviates from my regular posts in a tiny winny way. Yea, we still going to talk about love but this time, it wouldn't be about the mushy mushy boy-girl thingy......this time I'm about the love for a city.

I remember I used to dread the city of Lagos like it was a plague. Say Lagos and all I could think of was traffick jams, one-chance, kidnap, non-existing power, notorious Oshodi, Danfo survival, flooding during the rains, noise, dirt, too many people, robbery........just name any vice n I easily linked it to Lagos. Insanity! I vowed never to live in Lagos, why suffer when places like Abuja exists?

January 1, 2008, my family n I cruised into Lagos for our usual LIG Family Re-union.....right from the 'Aro-meta', we started seeing changes. My dad could not stop talking about how clean the streets were. You see, he was born, buttered, sugared n Tea-d in Lagos n it had been awhile since he saw a clean Lagos. No traffick. The land was looking green n sane. He was impressed with the present government.

The heart is the center of a man's being. It controls almost everything about him. Little wonder the good book tells us to guard our hearts with all diligence for out of it springs the issues of life. True words. As a man would think in his heart, so is he. Now, who wouldn't agree with me that Lagos is the heart of Nigeria? Anybody?

Even with all the 'terrible' testimonies about Lagos, the people ain't leaving, rather what you see is an influx of people from in and out of the nation looking for greener pastures. Relatives invite their people from the village communities to come n make a living in Lagos. Thousands of people come into the city to transact business on a daily basis. Live the life, partake of the a Lag babe/bobo is concerned. Societies n international organizations recognize the city n it has a whole lot of awards to its name. You just cannot undermine the effect this city has on the nation as a whole.

Imagine a Japan without Tokyo, imagine a United States without New York, imagine a United Kingdom without, imagine a Nigeria without Lagos.

In case you are wondering if this is a campaign, dispel that thought. I'm not even a Lagos indigene, but when I see progress, I commend it. Kudos to the Babatunde Raji Fashola government for working on Lagos n making it work. I came across the I SEE LAGOS page on Facebook which encourages people to air n express their visions for Lagos. The BRF government seeks to hear from the people; what do you want from Lagos? What do you see when you see Lagos? Please visit this link to share your vision-

Share your ideas n concepts and be rest assured it would be taken into consideration. Who knows, you might be getting a contract.

We can make it better, we can make changes. For my peeps in diaspora,  but just imagine a Lagos with a dysfunctional do you wanna visit n come home? We all know MM2 is still the most functional airport in Naija, last time I checked. So, this is about you too. This is a chance to give your input.

My song definitely isn't the same......I sing a different note now. Lagos still has its hustle n bustle, but living is a lot better. At least each day, we have power supply for 12 hours (give/take). The roads are clean, waste management works. Transportation is better, I am yet to be robbed n I can walk through Oshodi without being tosssed about. I'll say Lagos is working.

So, dear blog-fam......this is about my found love for Lasgidi (Lagos). I am a Lasgidi babe confirmed!

Please visit the I SEE LAGOS Facebook page or website to leave your ideas-

'The Lagos we SEE is the future we'll have'

Eko o ni baje!

Much love!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Marriage…Best Before:?? ?? ????

On this hot, really sunny Saturday afternoon, Mo’ was so spent n thirsty; she had spent the better part of the day cleaning n she needed to revitalize. So, she stepped out to the corner shop to get a bottle of Viju Apple juice. Viju safe in hand, she’s about to unscrew when something just tells her to check the expiry date. Lo’ n behold, it was 6 months past its shelf life. There was no way Mo’ was gonna take that. She returned the juice n got her refund. Good thing the content was still intact.

How many of us check the expiry date of products especially food n meds before buying n consuming ‘em? I know I used to n somehow along the way, I forgot to but now, I am back in the business. Can’t be having ill health due to my carelessness, that’s a luxury I cannot afford. If you ain’t in the habit of checking, I suggest, scratch that, I plead that you imbibe it. You never know. There’s a reason manufacturers put the expiry date on their products. It means you would only get the best out of it before that date, anytime after n what you get is something substandard. Well, if I spend to purchase, it better be the best I could get. It’s my hard earned money we are talking about! Lol!

Ok! So people, what about marriage? Should brides n grooms come with expiry dates too? Lucy bearing a sign- ‘Yo! You better come marry me before xx-xx-xxxx if you wanna get the best outta me!’ ‘A day after n my value n worth keeps reducing, grab me now!’ Something like that.

Each time I tell people I aint in a relationship presently, they look at me or react like I have grown horns on my head n ask, ‘what is wrong?’ ….SMH…. I really try not to get offended. I guess society has just made it that a girl my age should be in a serious relationship headed for marriage or even be married! A pikin like me. Why would a 27/28 years old lady be without a man when she’s expected to be married before 30 after which she would be considered to have married late? I ask, by whose standards?

Marriage I believe is a beautiful institution God created for two individuals to come together n unite to fulfill purpose. It’s should be a sacred union, merging the values, beliefs, visions n souls of two people. I believe next to choosing to live for God, picking a marital partner is about the most important decision a person could make. You best be getting it right, because, it would shape n determine the course of your life. So, we know how serious this step is n how it needs to be approached carefully n prayerfully. Why then are people so much in a hurry to get into it, they don’t take the time to get it right? It is going to be for a lifetime, what would a few ‘extra’ years hurt to get it right? What is the rush? At this point I think I hear someone say, ‘Are you normal?’

I had an argument with a friend awhile back n he was telling me to say ‘yes’ to a chiker he happened to think would be good for me. He felt time wasn’t really on my side n I really cannot afford to be too choosy. I tried not to go ballistic on him, trust me it took all my will power ‘cos I knew he was just looking out for me. It sounded so wrong to me. Why would I settle? Because time isn’t on my side? Do I have an expiry date? A lot of ladies want to be married before 30, that seems to be the assumed ‘best-before’ marriageable date for ladies. A year after that n you are considered to marry late. Again, I ask- by whose standards? Has the society now become God to sit over n judge my life?

I have no oppositions to marrying ‘early’ enough. Personally, I would have loved to be married by 26/27 but right now, it doesn’t appear to be happening, so, shall I go jump into the lagoon because people cannot deal with it? Shall I jeopardize my future with hasty decisions because I want to conform to the expectations of the society n people around me?

Hey, do you feel me? Do you feel like time is running out on you n you have not a single suitor in sight? Do you feel like you have been too choosy n have probably chased away the man for you hoping you would meet Mr. Right? Do you feel you have passed the ‘marriageable age’ n you just have to get used to being with yourself? Hold that thought! Now, crush it! It’s never too late! Despair not! He owns time n if He hasn't said it is too late, then it is not!He makes all things beautiful in HIS time, not your time, not the society’s time but HIS time. Delay is not denial! It may seem like He’s forgotten about you, but Lady, Mister, He’s only working out the best for you.  You only need to keep your hope n faith alive n keep working on n preparing yourself.

Hold up now. There’s a balance. You also have to take an inward look. You have to ask yourself some questions. Are you doing the right things? Are you positioning yourself? Are you sowing the right seeds? Have you prepared yourself? Are your standards n demands reasonable? Have you prayed n sought God? If you have done all these, then please ease your mind n keep trusting God, He will make it happen. Better to have a ‘late’ marriage than an unhappy one or ‘early’ divorce.

Just because Mandy got married at 25, n Katie, 28 doesn’t mean it has to be same for you. Maybe God wants you married at 40! Is that so hard to believe? I know a number of people would disagree with me on this but I tell you if I have to wait till 40 to get it right, I would, rather than settle for/manage something I know is not for me. Guyz, you haven’t found the right one for you n the clock is ticking? Please, keep looking, there sure is that one for you n if the clock bothers you so much, just take out the battery, it definitely would stop ticking (if you know what I mean). Lol!

The only standards n words I want to live by are God’s n if He says it ain’t too late for me n that His thoughts towards me are of good, not evil to bring me to my expected end, n that things will be beautiful in His time, then I think I just wanna focus on getting ready for that time. My energy shall be expended on ‘waiting’ for my harvest. I shall henceforth be oblivious to what society has to say about my relationship status but hold on to 
His promises.


Who’s with me?

Much love!
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