Monday, January 27, 2014

Tradition, the Menace


*dusts cobwebs off page*


Hello Faithfuls! :D


Welcome to 2014!!! Wow, its the 27th of January already, wasn't it just yesterday we said, 'Happy New Year?' 2013 was such a roller coaster and it brought with it many lessons that I sure would find useful for 2014 and the future years. One thing I have made up my mind to do this year is to stop playing it safe and take up some risks; some feats would never be achieved if we are unwilling to stick out our necks in the face of uncertainty and opposition. More than anything, I realise that divine guidance, focus and diligence are must haves if you want to see those dreams and plans you have on paper materialise. Above all, many are the devices in the heart of man but it is the Lord's counsel that will stand.....if you want to make a headway with your goals and targets, be sure to tell 'em to God first.


So, to kick start Fountain Flows for the year, I am sharing an article I wrote for a journal, its titled 'Tradition, the Menace' Click the link to read it: http://wazobiajournal.com/tradition-the-menace/

I look forward to reading your comments and thoughts on the article and till I post again (which would be real soon), here's wishing you a blessed, fulfilling and rewarding year. *kisses*



Mo' Omoregee 2014

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Change......not an option


‘It is not the strongest of the species that survive nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change’ - Charles Darwin

In 2013’s season of America’s Got Talent, a female escape artist who calls herself ‘Alexanderia the Great’ put on quite a show when she escaped from a straightjacket under water. I almost fell off my seat in anxiety for her when the time was almost up and she was still in the jacket……under water! It was thrilling to watch, the adrenalin rush was undeniable and I was amazed at how she did it because her survival seemed impossible.


Ok, what has that go to do with change? Well, I can relate that holding on to certain mindsets, idiosyncrasies, attitudes, traits and habits that are destructive and do us no good is like putting on the straightjacket and plunging into water…..doom is imminent.

I have come to see that change is an outstanding gift that God has bestowed on mankind. It’s one of the characteristics peculiar to humans which lend us an advantage over animals and inanimate objects, if indeed we embrace it. It is an opportunity to be in control and re-create; a chance at dynamism and growth.




It seems like a concept that can be farfetched yet mundane to human existence, the need to adapt to situations. Change in essence is a renewal of the mind, a shift in perspective, a decision to employ a different strategy, to think in a different way and a adaptative response to varying circumstances.

Without change, we are doomed; I mean that in every sense of the word. I have seen over time how people get sucked into dicey situations that could have been avoided if something was done differently and in the same vein how circumstances turn around positively because a different approach was employed.

It is natural to resist change because it comes with some entropy and heat that not everyone is willing to face and thus we tend to find it more convenient to stick with the usual. Sometimes we resist change because of uncertainty….fear of the unknown. Really, it takes guts to up and leave the comfort zone, albeit how unpalatable it maybe. Habits are difficult to break, a lot of effort, commitment and discipline are required and sometimes it can seem like too much work. You think about what people are going to say, how the changes made will be interpreted; you worry about the results and then conclude that it is better to leave things just the way they are.

Sometimes, you actually yearn for change, you try to but nothing is different and it seems like growth eludes you. Change requires determination, work, persistence, consistency and discipline…….but it begins with just a choice, a conscious decision to think differently. It requires deliberate effort and commitment.

You don’t like your looks, do something about it rather than moan. You feel you can do better than you are doing right now, then get to work. You are not very pleased with some habits you have imbibed, break them. You know some of your attitudes do you no good, lose them. You can see that the friends you have will get you nowhere, cut them off. Your present results are not great, use a different approach.

Be committed to putting in the required effort and sacrifice it takes to be a better person than you are. Do not be afraid of the criticism and sneers change may bring initially, I have discovered that people tend to criticize what they don’t understand or what makes them uncomfortable but the proof of the pudding will lie in its taste.

Sometimes, change will require you eat the humble pie, go on and swallow it, you won’t get constipation. Never let pride keep you in a cage that you know you don’t wanna be in. Do not change to impress people, change to be a better person, for you. When the nudge to make changes comes with that inner prompting to let certain destructive things go, don’t fight it in fear. Stand strong and courageous and let it produce growth.

There is no maturity without change because maturity in essence is about a change in perspective, in the way we interpret things and life. Change is a concept, an ability and a MANDATE for a child of God, not an option (Rom 12:2). It is your responsibility and should be a daily attitude!

Change is one of God’s gifts that we should embrace wholeheartedly and thankfully. A teachable spirit is one of the most attractive and rewarding character traits an individual can develop, quite a great add on any single’s CV *wink*

Now, I am pretty sure there is no news to all of the above for some folks but I have this strong impression that somebody out there needs this, I hope it reaches you. Muchos Lovos!


Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Friday, August 2, 2013

Let's talk about Finances




Ok, I’m gonna really try so this isn’t a long post; help me Jesus, work this miracle J

‘Money isn’t everything but make sure you make enough before you can say that’. Those are the words captioned in a picture on my phone. Surely, with the present economy and demands of day-to-day living, I do not need to qualify the importance of financial stability and buoyancy. The business of living cannot be achieved without meeting some needs, and even the basic ones require a medium of exchange which is mostly money. So, while money may not be ‘everything’ and we shouldn’t be controlled by it; living without money can be a herculean task.

I can get the figures and statistics but all you have to do is take a closer look around you and you will find that finances is a major score to settle in marriages. Responsibilities abound and if they are not met, frustration and conflict tend to set in. Praise George said, ‘poverty will frustrate love until it fades away’ and I am inclined to agree with him. In the span of two weeks, some of the occurrences I have experienced reinforce the importance of Financial Agreement in a marriage and there was no way I was gonna rest until I shared it on here, so let’s muse together shall we?

I still cannot find the answer to this question a lady asked on a group I belong to on Facebook: why do most men get offended when their wives ask about how they spend money? Apparently, some men believe that if they make the money, they have a right to spend it as they please and are not to be held accountable to their spouse nor God. That kind of brother shouldn’t have bothered to get married. In marriage, I believe the ‘my’ is traded for the ‘our’; it’s no more ‘my money’ but ‘our money’ because how money is spent affects the entire family. Can two walk together except they agree? It’s not a cliché, agreement and compatibility in finances is imperative. This is an area that should be thoroughly addressed BEFORE saying ‘I do’.

Where there is unity and agreement, there is progress. This is not about financial affluence or lack but about compatibility and met expectations. Who is gonna pay which bill? Who is responsible for what? What amount of money do we spend on feeding and monthly groceries? What standard of living do we want? How often do we go on vacations? Do we run a joint account or contribute a certain percentage of our incomes monthly? What percentage of our incomes goes to what? Who does what? Talk about it and settle it before signing the certificate. There is no one size that fits all and it really depends on the two individuals involved but there is a predestined way that God has ordained things and if you want His blessings and a marriage like he created it to be, you best be doing it His way. Please click here

In view of the post provided through the link, the importance of a woman’s role in a marriage is in no way undermined, Proverbs 31 y’all! Both man and woman have significant roles to play in the success of a marriage but where finances are concerned, the man’s role is more prominent and this is why the focus is on the men. Nowadays, a lot of marriages have mixed up these God ordained roles and responsibilities. The woman plays the husband’s role while the man becomes the wife and we wonder why the divorce rate is competing favourably with Mount Everest.

Having established the importance of finances in a marriage and the responsibility of the man to provide for his home, the onus lies of the two individuals coming together as man and wife to set the pace they want. Financial Compatibility, Financial Intelligence/Wisdom, Financial Accountability, value for money, attitude towards money, background, standard of living are some of the factors to be considered. A lady from a wealthy home may marry a guy from an average background if they have an agreement. Can the guy meet up to the standard the lady is accustomed to or is the lady willing to sacrifice and learn to live in a more meager way? In my experience, people are usually aiming for financial increase and not decrease but where there is an agreement, things tend to run better.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman shouldering the family finances when situations arise and the man cannot, this is why she is a helpmeet BUT it is NOT the woman’s responsibility to provide for the home and such a situation shouldn’t be for too long. I am an advocate of a professional career woman who earns an income and contributes to the family finances, what I however do not subscribe to is a situation where this is considered her responsibility. No one wants to marry a liability and it is advisable for women to also earn and contribute to the finances in the home; this not only boosts the purse of the family but also provides an enabling and supportive environment. The clause is when the man becomes comfortable with the woman taking care of all the financial responsibility in the home. I have seen and heard enough to know that NO WOMAN is happy carrying the financial responsibility in the home but if you know one who is, I am willing to meet her. A man is naturally a provider and takes pride in his ability to cater for his home; it is the way it is.

The clause here is compatibility; don’t be unequally yoked with someone who doesn’t share your orientation about money and finances: someone who considers taking vacations a waste of money while you think otherwise, someone who doesn’t have financial intelligence but wants to control the money, and someone who gambles and invests on whims, the list is endless. Money can be the root of evil only when we allow it to be. Money shouldn’t control a man and so it is important that we understand its workings and do the needful to avoid financial conflicts in marriage. I am not saying there won’t be money issues in marriage but it shouldn’t threaten it. If you are in doubt about how money can indeed end a marriage, I leave you with this real occurrence Praise George shared:

Jide and Sharon (not real names) were in love and set to marry each other. Jide was an upcoming artist who was finding his feet and thus didn’t have a regular income flow while Sharon who is from a wealthy home had a fabulous job with a fabulous income. They sought counsel from him and he advised Jide to wait till he had a regular source of income before marrying Sharon who was accustomed to having the fine things of life, so he could provide them for her. They allayed his concerns explaining that Sharon’s income was enough to take care of their financial needs until Jide found his feet. Two years into marriage, they divorced. Jide’s business did not boom and Sharon got tired of ‘wearing the pants’ in the home, she felt she even did better as a single than when married. Need I say more? Nah #nuff said!



Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Meet Omoregee’s Man


Hi peoples! So, I really try to keep my personals off here and strictly focus on the vision that birthed Fountain Flows but I’m doing this for a number of people who have been bugging me for ‘that list’, you know that one with the qualities Omoregee’s man must possess. Well, I am sorry to burst your bubbles but there is NO LIST, just some qualities that I consider essential.

What I will be sharing stems from a message Myles Munroe shared and it has roots in Genesis 2. Emphasis is on the man because of his God-given position as the head of the home and the example here is from the first marriage (Adam n Eve), we can see a set order (Eden) in the way God brought Eve to Adam.

When God created Adam, He put him in His presence (Eden); that’s the very first thing God did for Adam, not a woman, not a job but His presence and so if a man doesn’t carry the presence of God, he really shouldn’t be thinking about marriage. Harsh? Well, don’t look at me like that, read your bible! If you want God’s approval, then you have to do it His way. If a man isn’t in the presence of God, I ain’t even looking at Him.

Moving on, the second thing God did for Adam is in Genesis 2:15, pray allow me spell it: W-O-R-K. God gave Adam work before a woman. A man needs to work before he gets a woman. In my opinion, what you do with your work will show how well you can care for a woman. God gave Adam the garden to TEND and KEEP….. that’s to CULTIVATE. It means to bring out the best in everything around you.  PLEASE NOTE: God only said this to the male (Adam). The man was ordained to be the provider for his family. Brothers, what you get out of something is directly proportional to the amount of effort and commitment you are willing to put into it, it’s a principle. What you want from your woman is based on what you are determined to do about it. The male was created by God to cultivate his wife and help her to be the best she could ever be. I am NOT a feminist, this is the way God planned it, and it is what it is.  Look what Jesus did with the church; He took out every blemish, wrinkle, washed her and then presented her to Himself, of course He was mighty pleased with the result! Omoregee desires a man who can bring her to the very best of herself, someone who is secure enough in himself to seek her best interests and won’t be threatened by her success. A man who wouldn’t impede her growth but will help her fulfill purpose and maximize her potentials.

Now after His presence, work and cultivation, God also told Adam to GUARD the garden, everything under His care. A man should guard and protect his woman, provide both spiritual and physical covering for her. Omoregee doesn’t want a man who leaves her to the mercy of influences and opinions. A man who will make his wife priority in his decisions is one in whom I am well pleased :D

Then God gave Adam His WORD: ‘Do not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil’. Now a lot of people like to blame Eve for the downfall of man but she wasn’t even there when God gave Adam this Word! Can I get a man who knows, WORKS and WALKS the word?! Thank you, I’ll take that please! I cannot over emphasize the importance of a man being in position as the spiritual priest of his household, protecting and covering his home in the spiritual realm.

So, when God put the male in His presence, gave him work, had him cultivating, guarding and tending and also obeying His word, He then decided that it wasn’t good for THAT man to be alone, then he introduced him to the woman. So, until a man is doing all of the above, it is good for him to be ALONE, he has no business getting married. Now, if you have beef with that statement, please talk it out with the God, I am just the flow bearer yo! :D

Of course, these are not the only qualities I look out for but these are the ones I consider deal breakers. No, it is not a figment of my imagination, men who possess all of these and more exist and I know a number of them. So, if this is the kind of man you desire, don’t be discouraged, they may be in the minority but they are out there. Don’t let nobody tell you different and convince you to settle; what will work for Jill ain’t gonna cut it for Sarah because they are different and so are their destinations. For a journey set before you, you need to get the appropriate ‘ride’ that will get you there, in top condition.

So now that you’ve met Omoregee’s man, what do you think? J

 

Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Your emotions will get the memo…..eventually


Alert: Long post but worth every sentence you read…..I think *wink*


So, here I am at this mall *window shopping* and then I spot this really cute footwear. Now, knowing how unique my stature is and how my size is hard to come by (yea, really unique things come in small packages *wink*), I am sorely tempted to make the purchase. Then the deliberation begins; I remember the ones I have sitting in my rack back home yet to be worn, the stuff I just bought last week and how I promised myself I needed a purchase leave. But the slippers seemed to have my name on it and I could hear it whispering, saying ‘you know how good I can make you look’. Then I imagine myself stepping out in it, complete with the right outfit and accessories (smh). That was my undoing, for the slippers made it home with me, oh and two other outfits as well.


Ok, who was I deceiving? I was on a purchase leave, yet, I went ‘window shopping’ and took my credit card along. I set myself up and no, my bank account wasn’t pleased with me. I knew further purchase wasn’t the best for me at that time, it really wasn’t what I needed and I shouldn’t have done it, but I damned the consequences and did it anywayz…..setting back my budget and hurting my finances.


‘Guard your heart with all diligence for it will direct the course of your life’. Even in the mundane things, in every decision and choice, our hearts are involved. Whatever will manifest in your life must first of all take root in your heart, if it’s not implanted there, it won’t last. The heart is the staying strength that provides stability and firmness; stability in values, principles and character. This is why the instruction about guarding our hearts is pertinent, because just as it requires quite some effort to uproot a firmly rooted tree from the soil, so it is to uproot destructive habits and relationships from your heart and life. You can cut the stump but if the root is still there, it’s just gonna grow right back. To successfully deal with issues, we have to get to the root and get it out, only then would it cease to re-occur. See, what you know in your head cannot be compared to the knowledge that wells from your heart because that feedback has taken time to process, grow and re-produce.


I have come to learn that my heart and head have a relationship going on…..took awhile before they let me in on it though. Sometimes, they are in sync and other times, they have a beef. At these times, they usually wear me out and I find myself in a referee position, trying to decide who wins the tussle in that instance. I really think they should put up that facebook status sometimes, ‘it’s complicated’. Heart is trying to gain the upper hand, head isn’t having it and at the end of the day, I am just exasperated because really, they should be working together…..for my good.


Here’s how it works for me; when I learn something new, get a new revelation or insight, my head is usually the first to catch on, not always but usually. In trying to process and pass the new information to a fertile ground where it can grow and produce fruit (my heart), some things try to block it. They come in different forms: fear, unbelief, doubt, insecurity, low self-esteem, etc.  – all emotions. If I haven’t erected the right barricade, these unwanted guests will come in to choke the new seed/word/info I just obtained and suck the life out of it rendering it powerless. However, if it indeed can gain root in my heart and grow, it would produce tremendous changes in my life.


The spirit that governs a man’s life influences the state of his heart and the quality of his life. Even God deals with us based on the state and meditation of our hearts and this depicts just how important the heart is and in no way undermines it. However, there are times when the heart can weak, slow or stubborn in accepting what is right and true and these are the times when leading your heart is more expedient than following it, I'm just saying you are the boss of what you lead, not what you follow so stop ‘following your heart’.


You know that you should let that guy go because he keeps abusing your emotions but you can’t seem to find the strength because your heart is weak and hurt. Your head is harping on the fact that you deserve better than a woman who manipulates you just for her gain but you are too entranced with her physical beauty and the sex you are getting. Yes, you know you deserve better, you hear it, you have the knowledge but you can’t seem to find the strength to make the change. Here’s what I propose……how about you do what you KNOW to be right, true and just and then deal with the emotions that come up after? How about you let the knowledge you have make the decision for you this time and then allow your emotions to catch up with it? It may take awhile and involve some healing process but I can guarantee that your emotions will eventually come into sync with your heart.


Choices made sentimentally or emotionally cannot be compared with a knowledge based decision. If you ask me, I’d say the choice of who you get to spend the rest of your life with should be made based on what you know and not what you feel. I find that I can be so emotionally involved with someone and possibly ‘in love’ but if there is an ish that presents incompatibility, I promptly let go. I ain’t gonna front and say it ain’t hard but perhaps because I know how important my choices are, especially this type of choice, I do what I need to do, what is best for me knowing my heart will eventually be fine. 


Knowing isn't good enough, we have to apply the knowledge we have to experience true victory in our lives. You have the knowledge in your head, but you require the will that only comes from your heart to make it happen. Don’t wait for your feelings to get the memo, you do what you gat to do and it would eventually catch up, it wouldn't have a choice.



Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Thursday, April 25, 2013

That Men Would Submit to their Wives……


Now, I know seeing this header, a number of men are just about ready to take me apart and grind the parts…let me save you the hassle by informing you that I strongly agree that a wife must submit to her husband as her head, so please erase the enemy line drawn, I am in your camp :)

People who love to cook and especially those who do it professionally know the importance of having a recipe that suits your purpose and following that recipe to the last detail. Just two pinches of salt above the recommended and the taste may not be the same. A recipe is so important that it can become a family tradition passed on to generations after generations and kept secret! Have you ever asked a friend what stunts she pulls to get her pie/cake/cocktail to taste the way it does and the best she can do for you is offer to make you some? Or she considers for awhile and says, ‘it’s a family secret…..if I told you, I’d have to kill you’. I’m telling you, you best be running for your dear life, she ain’t playing……there’s a 0.0000000000000001% probability she will include poison in that recipe, statisticians would agree with me that you don’t ignore that kind of percentage, it means something! Let it be known now that I did warn you (yes, yes, I’m kidding of course!).

So, there is a recipe for just about everything: a recipe for food, a recipe for living, recipe for failure and of course, a recipe for marriage. We all know God is generous and wouldn’t withhold His own recipes and when it comes to marriage, He freely passed it down, nothing held back. (See Ephesians 5: 21-33). It’s important not to put the cart before the horse when following a recipe, there’s no way you are adding the vegetable before the palm oil and you expect the soup to come out looking crispy and green and tasting like mama’s……you should have followed her recipe just the way she told you to if you wanted to get your soup to look and taste like hers. When God says we should forgive before praying, that order wasn’t a mistake. When He said to have friends, you need to first of all show yourself friendly; it was and is the right pattern.

We love to take out the things that suit us in God’s word and then kick the ones that aint so palatable to the curb. Sadly, every word, every single instruction, no matter how irrelevant and minute we consider it to be counts with the maker. There’s no taking one and leaving the other….I read Matthew 5 recently and when it got to the part that says calling someone an idiot brings you to judgment, I had to pause, reality check. It’s so easy to be focused on avoiding the ‘big sins’ but those little things we tend to ignore are not necessarily little with God. To walk with God, we cannot ignore order and detail, there is a due process to attract a particular reward and there are certain details involved in that process.

Almost everyone I know desires a happy, fruitful, blissful and rewarding marriage. We want it to go all the way, to be successful in it, to bear fruit and achieve purpose…..yes, every marriage should have a purpose, gist for another day. Now, the husband is the head of the wife and the home but sadly, only few men really understand what that means. Leadership is a position of service and intense responsibility, not lordship and tyranny. The recipe for a Godly and successful marriage is depicted in the relationship between Christ and the Church: Husbands, love your wives……wives, respect and submit to your husbands. I have seen examples of how this process works and I must say, it works mighty fine for the people who really, truly understand it. What I do find interesting though is that just before this instruction was given, there is a clause, ‘and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’. Then after the instruction, there is another interesting sentence and it says, ‘a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one’. I believe these sentences hold as much importance as the other ones we tend to focus more on…..the ones about submission and loving.

No, I don’t hate men, no, I’m not a feminist and no, I’m not biased…..the basis of my emphasis is what God himself has said. As much as it the prerogative of the wife to fully submit to her husband and respect him, as off as it may sound, the husband should also be willing to submit to his wife. Husband and wife should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. How? I’m glad you asked!

·         By genuinely loving her like Christ loved the church. He submitted himself for the redemption of the church even unto death. A man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself!

·         By listening to her and respecting her opinion and input, you may not agree with it but genuinely consider her stance. Just because the husband is the head doesn’t mean it always has to be his way or the highway, it can be a blessing to sometimes listen to your wife and take her advice.

·         Husbands should communicate and discuss with their wives before taking decisions….both major and minor ones. Again, eventually, your decision may hold but communication helps you share your innermost thoughts and fosters some understanding.

·         Give himself to nurture, serve and grow his wife.

·         Make her the number one reference point in his choices and decisions, not his mama, not his siblings, not his work, nor his pleasures. A man can submit to his wife by making her a priority consideration in his actions.


Perhaps you wouldn't term the above as submission, maybe you would use another vocabulary; all I'm saying is: respect should be mutual and not one-sided. It's not right that the husband expects unreserved respect and the wife is denied the respect due to her. That kind of arrangement ain’t gonna cook up success. Let both husband and wife submit to one another out of reverence for Christ and this institution called marriage would be a better place for its students.


Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Tuesday, December 11, 2012



Caution: This is a very opinionated post. What I’m gonna be sharing here is my opinion, it’s not the law neither is it what is universally acceptable but it is what I consider right. Let’s see if you agree with my reasoning. If you disagree, be free to share your view and perhaps we can learn one or two things.




It is often said that a man’s meat could be the other’s poison. That saying spells the diversified interest of humans. I always say that if God had created everyone the same way with the same interests, reasoning and approach to issues, oh, what boredom we would have to live with. The entire population that spans the earth cuts across different nations, tribes, belief systems, cultures, languages and habits that all contribute to the beauty of existence. It’s interesting how siblings can grow up with the same measure of instructions, teachings and discipline and still turn out differently with totally different personalities. I mean when I am going on and on about the newest animated movie, my sister just stares at me like I have suddenly grown horns. 



When we make choices, sometimes they are poor, perhaps because we didn't know better and immaturity was at play or we allowed sentiments and emotions get ahead and threw reasoning to the back seat. The average human being has made poor choices at one point in life, a poor choice in friends, a poor career choice, poor institution choice, poor house choice. It is comforting to know that some of these choices can be rectified but a poor spousal choice can be the beginning of the end. Little wonder so much is being said about how important it is to choose right and choose well when it comes to a marital partner. Our choices and decisions in life can either make or mar not just the future but everything we have worked for.


So, you meet someone and decide to date/court…..along the way, you discover some issues that present incompatibility, perhaps you alone can see those issues, perhaps its mutual. Any hoo, the relationship ends and you go your separate ways, having moved on to other people or maybe not. Fast forward a year or two, a very good friend of yours wants you to meet his/her intended and it turns out to be your Ex. Then comes this feeling of betrayal, because you feel your friend who knew your history with this person shouldn't have gone ahead with the relationship and even if they didn't know you dated your Ex at a point, you just cannot be happy for them, just because……?


This issue has caused a lot of rifts and cracks in beautiful friendships so much that I need to talk about it because I just don’t get it; maybe someone can explain it to me? Is it the level of familiarity that makes it unacceptable or perhaps because you have shared a lot of secrets with this friend? Or is it because of the circumstances that led to the break up and the fact that it wasn't you who ended it? Could it be that you have some regrets and wishful thinking, still hanging on and cannot let go? Really, I want to understand why it feels so much like back stabbing when a friend gets involved with an ex, and this is especially common with ladies. Why does it feel like you still own an Ex and nobody in your network is allowed to have access to him/her?


I sought the opinions of a couple of friends on this dicey topic and the disparity was quite interesting. While some would feel a great sense of betrayal if a friend dated their ex, some others just couldn't be bothered, matter of fact, a couple have been known to introduce close friends to their ex because they felt they would be compatible. Some wouldn't feel uncomfortable about it if they have moved on to other relationships while some outrageously think it is ungodly for a friend to date their ex (I think God is amused, no?)


Am I wrong to say maturity is a factor here? Isn't it petty and somewhat arrogant to try to control who your friend can date/court? Is it perhaps a mistake your Ex met you before your friend and just because they couldn't be happy with you, they have no chance with your friend? I think we need to get ‘born again’ in our thinking and leave emotions and sentiments behind.


Here’s where my opinionated self will be butting in:  There is a reason why an Ex is an Ex, not necessarily because the person is bad but because both of you are not meant to be together. I do not see a reason why a friend is banned from dating your Ex, especially if they were not aware of your relationship and even if they know, I don’t think it is right to sit upon another person’s chance at finding the right one. It just so happens that you know each other but really if you have truly moved on from that Ex, there shouldn't be hard feelings about who dates them, albeit your friend or even a sibling. Perhaps because your friend loves you a whole lot, he/she could seek your blessing/approval before they go ahead with the relationship but sweetie, really, they are not obligated to bend towards whatever sentiments you may have. It’s not like you were double crossed and had the person snatched from you, you were done and over before your friend came along.


As long as there was clearly no emotional attachment between them while your relationship with the ex lasted and your ex didn't cheat on you with your friend……you were well done and over before they became involved, why are you losing sleep? I just don’t get it! Your friend does the needful and informs you about his/her intention, all you owe that friend is your advice. Hopefully your reasons why they shouldn't be together are genuine and not borne out of jealousy and ill feelings. People, live and let live. Some people do not get it right in relationships the first, second, third time. Along the way, they meet someone they truly gel and can be happy with……alas! This someone is an ex’s friend, should that be the end? Don’t be the Philistine to their Israel, don’t be a party pooper or show stopper, if you think they wouldn't work, offer your advice and let them make their decision……you are not God!


I understand there are situations that can make having an ex close messy, maybe it reminds you of a past you would rather forget, perhaps it is irritating to share a former sexual partner with your friend, perhaps the break up hurt you so much and you can’t get over the bitterness and its possible you still have feelings for your Ex. We do need to protect ourselves and guard our hearts, so share your reservations with your friend and let them make a decision, DO NOT THREATEN THEM. The truth is your friend is not obligated to accommodate your misgivings because he/she also has to protect his/her interest but there can be an understanding borne out of love. Just because I love my friend so much and I cherish the friendship and can understand how my relationship with that Ex would alienate her (reasonably so), I can decide not to pursue it, but this decision is solely mine and not my friend’s.


I am a girl but I have not been one to follow the ‘girl code’ and this is because I don’t believe in rules, I follow only principles. I don’t let what some people have decided to be acceptable control my world; God’s standards are my words to live by. We need understanding in what all we do, we can’t just follow rules blindly because the situations are not usually the same. People can reason together to reach a decision that works for all parties but when all is said and done, each individual is responsible for his/her choice and no one has any right to control it, even God doesn't  He gives us our free will.



Mo’ Omoregee 2012
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