Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Marriage…Best Before:?? ?? ????

On this hot, really sunny Saturday afternoon, Mo’ was so spent n thirsty; she had spent the better part of the day cleaning n she needed to revitalize. So, she stepped out to the corner shop to get a bottle of Viju Apple juice. Viju safe in hand, she’s about to unscrew when something just tells her to check the expiry date. Lo’ n behold, it was 6 months past its shelf life. There was no way Mo’ was gonna take that. She returned the juice n got her refund. Good thing the content was still intact.

How many of us check the expiry date of products especially food n meds before buying n consuming ‘em? I know I used to n somehow along the way, I forgot to but now, I am back in the business. Can’t be having ill health due to my carelessness, that’s a luxury I cannot afford. If you ain’t in the habit of checking, I suggest, scratch that, I plead that you imbibe it. You never know. There’s a reason manufacturers put the expiry date on their products. It means you would only get the best out of it before that date, anytime after n what you get is something substandard. Well, if I spend to purchase, it better be the best I could get. It’s my hard earned money we are talking about! Lol!

Ok! So people, what about marriage? Should brides n grooms come with expiry dates too? Lucy bearing a sign- ‘Yo! You better come marry me before xx-xx-xxxx if you wanna get the best outta me!’ ‘A day after n my value n worth keeps reducing, grab me now!’ Something like that.

Each time I tell people I aint in a relationship presently, they look at me or react like I have grown horns on my head n ask, ‘what is wrong?’ ….SMH…. I really try not to get offended. I guess society has just made it that a girl my age should be in a serious relationship headed for marriage or even be married! A pikin like me. Why would a 27/28 years old lady be without a man when she’s expected to be married before 30 after which she would be considered to have married late? I ask, by whose standards?

Marriage I believe is a beautiful institution God created for two individuals to come together n unite to fulfill purpose. It’s should be a sacred union, merging the values, beliefs, visions n souls of two people. I believe next to choosing to live for God, picking a marital partner is about the most important decision a person could make. You best be getting it right, because, it would shape n determine the course of your life. So, we know how serious this step is n how it needs to be approached carefully n prayerfully. Why then are people so much in a hurry to get into it, they don’t take the time to get it right? It is going to be for a lifetime, what would a few ‘extra’ years hurt to get it right? What is the rush? At this point I think I hear someone say, ‘Are you normal?’

I had an argument with a friend awhile back n he was telling me to say ‘yes’ to a chiker he happened to think would be good for me. He felt time wasn’t really on my side n I really cannot afford to be too choosy. I tried not to go ballistic on him, trust me it took all my will power ‘cos I knew he was just looking out for me. It sounded so wrong to me. Why would I settle? Because time isn’t on my side? Do I have an expiry date? A lot of ladies want to be married before 30, that seems to be the assumed ‘best-before’ marriageable date for ladies. A year after that n you are considered to marry late. Again, I ask- by whose standards? Has the society now become God to sit over n judge my life?

I have no oppositions to marrying ‘early’ enough. Personally, I would have loved to be married by 26/27 but right now, it doesn’t appear to be happening, so, shall I go jump into the lagoon because people cannot deal with it? Shall I jeopardize my future with hasty decisions because I want to conform to the expectations of the society n people around me?

Hey, do you feel me? Do you feel like time is running out on you n you have not a single suitor in sight? Do you feel like you have been too choosy n have probably chased away the man for you hoping you would meet Mr. Right? Do you feel you have passed the ‘marriageable age’ n you just have to get used to being with yourself? Hold that thought! Now, crush it! It’s never too late! Despair not! He owns time n if He hasn't said it is too late, then it is not!He makes all things beautiful in HIS time, not your time, not the society’s time but HIS time. Delay is not denial! It may seem like He’s forgotten about you, but Lady, Mister, He’s only working out the best for you.  You only need to keep your hope n faith alive n keep working on n preparing yourself.

Hold up now. There’s a balance. You also have to take an inward look. You have to ask yourself some questions. Are you doing the right things? Are you positioning yourself? Are you sowing the right seeds? Have you prepared yourself? Are your standards n demands reasonable? Have you prayed n sought God? If you have done all these, then please ease your mind n keep trusting God, He will make it happen. Better to have a ‘late’ marriage than an unhappy one or ‘early’ divorce.

Just because Mandy got married at 25, n Katie, 28 doesn’t mean it has to be same for you. Maybe God wants you married at 40! Is that so hard to believe? I know a number of people would disagree with me on this but I tell you if I have to wait till 40 to get it right, I would, rather than settle for/manage something I know is not for me. Guyz, you haven’t found the right one for you n the clock is ticking? Please, keep looking, there sure is that one for you n if the clock bothers you so much, just take out the battery, it definitely would stop ticking (if you know what I mean). Lol!

The only standards n words I want to live by are God’s n if He says it ain’t too late for me n that His thoughts towards me are of good, not evil to bring me to my expected end, n that things will be beautiful in His time, then I think I just wanna focus on getting ready for that time. My energy shall be expended on ‘waiting’ for my harvest. I shall henceforth be oblivious to what society has to say about my relationship status but hold on to 
His promises.


Who’s with me?

Much love!


beelyi said...

abi o ..'interesting' n very funny yet message well gotten. I just like realism n bluntness

Anonymous said...

I am soooooo with u on this....He makes all things beautiful in HIS time, He'll beautify us in due season.

Anonymous said...

Though I understand you but I dnt quite agree with some it that the guys are not coming or you have been too choosy and have probably chased away the man for you hoping you would meet Mr. Right? Cos that's always the problem of gals nowadays, they have their own idea of mr right and trust me its always different from the mr right God has made for sure you would say mr right must have a ride(not a sure u get wat I mean), the must have a good job with a very fat salary, must own a house e.t.c...what if that's not the mr right for you? Face it most gals marry late because of material things not because the good guys are not coming... At the end of the day most always end up being second wives and all... My dear if u meet a good man who ur compatible with at the age of 23 and he is ready to marry you, I really don't see what is stopping you... You can wait till ur over 30 still searching for mr right...but the truth is ur really not meant to search for him, he is meant to search for you...God didn't choose adam for eve, he choose eve for adam. You only need to position urself and seek God first, there is no way you would seek God first and wount get the person God prepared for you...and the plain truth is u dnt have to wait till ur 30 to find such a person if u have God's interest at heart and not urs... There is nothing wrong with getting married at 40, but you must have has a divine encounter with God to be sure that getting married at 40 is God's plan for you... If you are not sure or convinced beyond reasonable doubt, then I must say that waiting till ur 40 before choosing mr right is a total waste of time...u probably didn't even put ur unborn kids into consideration. Everything in this life is with God and with planning... My dear, marriage is an institution God made because he knows u cannot go through life alone and without a companion. He knows ur husban and kids would be ur companion and he obviously won't want you to have that late... Pple say you can be single and happy, yes it is true but it would get to a stage when you would be single and very unhappy... You create a happy marriage for yourself, you don't expect it because the truth is no single man on earth can make you happy everyday all the days of ur life on earth. I just would L♥√ع you to change that orientation you have about marriage and getting married. The normal age for a decent gal to get married is 25-28 at most 29...anything later than that probably means ur not a decent gal and no man is ready to marry you or you are just being unnecessarily choosy in ur choice and in doing that, mr right would have just passed you by. You should really know what you want, everything is not about L♥√ع and fairy tales. The most important aspect of any relationship is the spiritual aspect, face it that's the main thing that hold a marriage together not even the L♥√ع and all... L♥√ع grows and fades. You need to get your facts right. You might fall in L♥√ع with someone because he shows he loves you by showering you with lovely gifts, telling you sweet things, calls you 24/7 e.t.c... And when you get married, trust me those things would reduce or even fade off, its normal...would you now fall out of L♥√ع with him or wat? Pple say husbands are difficult to find but its a big lie, I stand to be challenged, its just because their defination of a husband is different from what God defines as one... Just simple as that. If michelle obama had looked for what most gals of nowadays look for in a man, am sure she won't be the first lady today. Just a thot. Be wise.

Simply me... said...

Yenny,I'm definately with you..
" Please, keep looking, there sure is that one for you n if the clock bothers you so much, just take out the battery, it definitely would stop ticking"-very true..

Omoregee said...

@Beelyi......glad you enjoyed the read :)

@Anonymous due season. Prepare, but don't rush. Tx :)

@Anonymous, what a 'write-full'
Ok, hmmn, there are a lot of, in fact too many assumptions in your comment, e.g...'am sure you would say mr right must have a ride(not a sure u get wat I mean), the must have a good job with a very fat salary, must own a house e.t.c.' Trust me, those aint even on my list. I can't begin to debunk all those assumptions now, but to know the truth about me you could read my other notes.

'The normal age for a decent gal to get married is 25-28 at most 29...anything later than that probably means ur not a decent gal and no man is ready to marry you or you are just being unnecessarily choosy in ur choice and in doing that, mr right would have just passed you by.' I guess ure one of 'the society'? But may I ask, by whose standards?

I must say, I disagree with a number of ur points up there. The society isn't meant to decide how I live my life, God does. I don't move with the norm, I move with God. Tx for reading :)

@Simply me......Really, the pressure can be confusing n misleading. We can do without that. What we need is encouragement n messages of hope n promise! Tx :)

Dolapo Kuforiji said...

hmm...nice write up Yenny...but permit me to say this,there is NO RIGHT OR WRONG PERSON,i will repeat it all over again...we right attitude or Character or wrong attitude or Character.Let me tell you something..there is time for everything!! we all have our seasons and time but most of us SADLY get carried away in making everything right and set that we forget..that even GOD knows we are not perfect..Martha as an example.
When you are single enjoy it,beautiful but when u feel its time to marry then go for it but remember that men and woman are not wired the same way a woman weather we like it or not HAS AN EXPIRY DATE!! to get married but once u r married,u r brand new and forever like that if you have got the right attitude..there is no and never will there be a perfect man...

Omalicha Searching said...

DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED. i have suitors but none that are up to par and i refuse to listen to people that tell me that i should just choose anyone beause i am over 25... They forget that i have to live with that person... FOREVER.

so even though i get lonely somtimes, i wont settle.

as for all the people that are rushing into marriage, i know 3 out of 5 of them get divorced withing 2 years. some of them i know personally

take ur time.

Anonymous said...

Durotimi Ojo said ...

Great read Yenny, I do agree with you that no one should succumb to the society pressure and hastily rush in to marriage.

I don't believe however, that there is ONE right person for anyone. What we call "God's will" OR "Mr Right" isn't necessarily the embodiment of a person BUT the 'complement' that God puts in one partner to make the other complete. If I have lived all my life in Canada, there's a 99.9% probability that I will marry a Canadian (or someone within my sphere of influence here), this does not mean that there isn't someone, some where else that could have been a perfect match too.

When I grow up, I want to be able to write like you :)

Omoregee said...

@Dolapo.......oh yeah? Oya show me ur own expiry date naw.....I joke! Well, it is true the character is the person n thats y we say the right person...cos it encomprises someone with the right personality, right character, right attitude, right belief system, right lifestyle.
I just refuse to believe that just because a lady is over 30 n she isn't married, she has expired.....who are we to say so?

Tx babez :)

Omalicha.....*hi5! Nice one! We are together. I am someone....I can't just choose ANYONE! There is no rush.......its all about the due season.
Tx for stopping by :)

Omoregee said...

@Rotimi......Say what?! I know my elders n I bow when I see 'em(now bowing) :)
True! I agree! I don't think so too. A lot of things influence n shape us n hence our choice. It might be easy for me to say I wouldn't marry a foreigner, but if I had grown up in a foreign country, I probably would say different.

Tx a bunch :)

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

OMG! anonymous 2should write a whole blog post!lol. Look at the lengthy comment! Please I do hopewe dont come with expiriy dates. My mum keeps telling me, "you're not getting any younger, this is the perfect time to start having kids" if i marry after 30 I nogo fit born pikin? They also say women are like flowers, that their beauty fades....well I shall pray for the Good Lord to renew my youth.,lol.....All in God's time

Olusegun said...

nice one....
I feel you too. Nothing should stop one from waiting for the right person. But wait! what defines a "right person"? is it someone you see in the first sight and your heart says "yes", that is him/her"? or "someone cute/handsome"? or "someone I think that has a good behavior"? or "someone my pastor says is the right person"? or "....."
These and many more are questions we ask ourselves when it comes to waiting. As I feel you, I also feel Rotimi too in what he said and i quote "I don't believe however, that there is ONE right person for anyone".
I believe that with the help/guidance of the Holy Spirit, anyone our heart chooses to love is right!
The physiology of a lady sometimes make the world to give a range of time they consider "the right time to be married". They believe marrying early makes a lady have all her baby at her earlier age and thereby avoiding some problems that might arise as a result of old age for me....i believe that we all have the right to decide which time is best for us....if our heart is not ready to settle for something, then lets wait for that great moment!

It is a privilege to read your blog!!!


The part I agree with the most? "Hold up now. There’s a balance. You also have to take an inward look. You have to ask yourself some questions. Are you doing the right things? Are you positioning yourself? Are you sowing the right seeds? Have you prepared yourself? Are your standards n demands reasonable? Have you prayed n sought God? If you have done all these, then please ease your mind n keep trusting God, He will make it happen. Better to have
a ‘late’ marriage than an unhappy one or ‘early’ divorce. "

I feel, to me, that is the nail of the post. You sha like to write about our arguments sha! You this girl! It is well....

Omoregee said...

@sisi yemmie.....Lol! Eh, u haff come o! He/she sure had a lot to say.
Really, as long as we are ready, and the delay is not from us, His delay isn't a denial. Tx :)

@Olusegun.....Like I told Dolapo, the right person is a combination of many right things(attitude, character, belief system, values, faith, background, lifestyle, etc.) It is relative 'cos the right person for me may not be the right person for the next lady. You need to find out who is right for u i.e who complements u well.
Thanks for stopping by, I am honored :)

@Ldp......U this boy! Lol! Ok, u revealed u. U know, this was even awhile back....but in the course of writing, I remembered we had argued about it. So, it isnt really writing about it, I just mentioned it. Its all about sharing to know n be wise.

Bomi said...

I am certainly with you! Thank you for sharing this important reminder! Yes, we should do our parts like you have reminded us - but as children of God, let God do His part too! And reading this reminds me of something my Dad used to say - "When you're running late for an appointment and you want to cross a busy road, the fact that you're running late is what should make you even MORE careful when you are crossing! Don't cross in haste or you're likely to get seriously hurt. Look left, right, and left again!" We are more likely to make mistakes when we are rushing to do something ...and Marriage is much too important to be rushed into.

Thank you once again, I really enjoyed reading this:)! God bless you, and I trust that He will perfect everything concerning us all. AMEN!:)!

Anonymous said...


Agreed with so many comments here also.

An enjoyable post :)

2cute4u said...

Please tell them!
I've heard all the time slipping away sermon thrown left right n center and it's pressured so many girls into settling for what they wouldn't much as they would smile and tell you they are happy and all.
I would blame family,parents and the society @ large..
You're so on point dear!

Omoregee said...

@Bomi......Amen! Tx u sis.

@Ibhade......Tx u ma :)

@2cute4u...........Yes, the society should just take a chill pill! Tx :)

Femi Adeyemi said...

I admit the 'best by' concept is well and truly in our vocabulary. But I do believe, women should preferably be married before the age of 30.

This is mainly due to biological reasons though, as the older a woman gets, the less viable her eggs are, making child birth more risky.

I think we should encourage lasting friendships right from undergraduate years, as friends that grow together find it easier to be lovers in the near future.

I enjoyed reading this Mo. Thank you. Glad to be here :). Take care.

Femi Adeyemi said...

PS: Guessing red is your favourite colour sis. :).

Omoregee said...

:) No bro....the red depicts Love, I love to talk about Love. You would find my fav colour here-

Yeah, preferably buh not all fingers are equal.....

Thanks for stopping by :)

Purpleicious Babe (DOZ) said...

My first time on your blog. I agree with the marriage description on how God intended marriage to be like. In addition, i think marriage is standard in society, however the purpose of marriage has been lost. It is lost because people have manipulated it for their own selfish motives.

Nevertheless, there is no time/date anyone should be specifically married, it is up to the individual and God. All the same, for anyone that has gotten married for the wrong reasons, I pray God will have mercy.

My conclusion don't be pressured to do anything you ain't ready for under any circumstances. Do you and do God, marriage is one of many aspects God wants you to achieve on earth. I am sure he wants us to be proactive about other things that are equally valuable... Pls happiness comes from you making a mental decision to be happy at whatever stage you are at married or not....

Besides, marriage is not a certificate to long-term happiness or your salvation. My advice to any lady waiting for any man. U berra stop waiting and start living your life, he will come when he chooses to come jor.

Note: I don't believe in missing mr right, that is a load of rubbish..... U are either interested or not... God will not force u to do anything, he is also a God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 7th and more chances (another dude will keep coming and coming with the right and better attitude)..

Ladies dont be worried if you said no to a guy, it does not mean you will not get married, after all with or without marriage u are still u...

Men take your time and be sure of what you want. proverbs 18:21 he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.

I love marriage, and I love the purpose of it but I am not getting married by society standards. When is time it will happen, until then God will continue to teach me and (future hubby)..

I like your attitude omorege na u and God ohhh...

JESUS bless.

Oluwaseyi said...

Insightful, thotful, loaded & timely....
God bless u & help u 2 mk d perfect choice.
Last time I checked, neither Sarah nor Rebekah/Isaac (who was forty before he got married) had 2 worry about the clock ticking away....sm1 wud say doz were bible times but if men still live till 120yrs nowadays wats stopping women 4rm birthing their babies @ 45?

Omoregee said...

@Purpleicious Babe.....*hi5! I so agree with u. Very on point, n I like ur advice too. Welcome to Fountain Flows, I hope you'ld come back. Cheers!

@Oluwaseyi....You know it. Tx :)

Anonymous said...

All said...all done. Youbreally are a pro at this. I particularly like your idealism. Keep it! We all sure can pick a few things from you.

Dipo Oginni

Omoregee said...

@Dipo......Tx buddie :)

Femi O. said...

Well Said......Valid Points!

The vast array of choices available to us today are mind blowing. From cars to clothes to holidays to schools to careers.....The list is endless.....Enough to make our parents (with their limited choices growing up)jealous- and probably go crazy.

Having said that, the result of this array of choices is that our generation is naturally not wired to settle in all aspects of our lives.....most especially matters of the heart.

What I'm about to say may be hard for people to swallow or comprehend ....but notwithstanding, I will drop the bombshell.....
The reality is everyone (who decides to follow God's will for their lives) settles. [I must be joking; right]

Why do they settle?

They settle because God's ways are different from our ways....God's modus operandi is often not in alignment with the combined dynamo of our rationality and feelings (which we seem to have in abundance in our generation).
God in his infinite wisdom ensures that no one fits the mental or physical picture of our ideal partner we have painted over the years because He knows us best and knows what we need and what is best for us(which may not be what we want).

Our hearts and our heads may carry majority votes in the choice of a partner but God carries the overriding (veto) vote.
The good book says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path.

It's hard relying totally on God and His timing with matters of the heart but life is simpler if we can!

Omoregee said...

@Femi......Hmmmn. I see your angle n I totally get your point.

I guess our definition of settling is different. Let me define what I mean. Settling in this context means to accept/opt for an option that is against your preferred, which is usually SUBSTANDARD.
E.g, a lady who is say 35 n is facing serious pressures decides to marry a Christian man that drinks 'occasionally' n is a flirt.....(he's the only one who has asked her out in over a year). Something she would other-wisely not do.

Indeed, in my life, God's will has always prevailed over mine n never did I feel like I settled. It always turned out to be the better/best option.

Really, you have raised some very true points that I agree with......God's will is always the best but I don't think His will should be settled for, I think it should be the be accepted.

I so love your concluding sentence.

Tx a bunch for commenting, you av blessed a soul :)

Anonymous said...

are you intentionally writing rubbish to get angry reviews or you're just looking for a means to justify your awkward status? cos i really don't understand what all this jagons you're writing are geared towards.

you should probably take a step out of that cubicle called abeokuta to see what life really is.

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