Wednesday, April 27, 2011

That Ego……a blessing or a curse?

I was arguing with a certain male once upon a time n it was so obvious he was wrong; the dumbest person could tell, yet he wasn’t going to give. He kept on harping on his lame point n at a point I was disgusted. I like to argue but only when it’s done intelligently. I mean, if n when a person is wrong, shouldn’t he/she be graceful in admitting n taking correction? Not my guy oh! God forbid that he bow to my opinion…..after all I am a lady! What more does my specie know to do than to cook, clean n keep house? SMH!

It didn’t take so much to figure out what he was about. It’s all about the ego. That sacred, untouchable aspect of a man’s being a lady shouldn’t be messing with. What exactly is the ego anywayz? Let’s ask the dictionary shall we? It says, ‘the ‘I’ or self of any person as thinking, feeling or willing……. It also says, ‘conceit, self-esteem or self-importance feelings. Do we get the picture? If you don’t, just think about the reason why a man would refuse to help his wife within/without the home n we are good to go. Ok? Let’s go!

So, we have an idea of what the ego is. Everyone has a measure of it but am I biased to say the men have a larger dose of it? Ego in itself is not a bad thing. It’s just like saying one has a measure of self-esteem. A healthy self-esteem is required to maintain healthy relationships n succeed. One’s self-concept is very important. It’s gotta be right n healthy. Now, what happens when there is a very high supply of this? High self-esteem, high self-concept, too much ego…..I’ll say it’s tantamount to pride, in any way you might wanna explain it, I’m all ears. Shall we see the dictionary again? It says, ‘pride is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.’ So, we can say pride is synonyms with hyper ego or an over-inflated self-esteem.

God is His wisdom knows why he created man the way he did. The physique, emotions, mind, qualities n attributes. Interestingly, it seems He put a good dose of the ego in the whole package, but I doubt if He intended it to be a curse. A man without an ego is unattractive-at least to me. He’s gotta have ‘balls’! Can’t be acting all sissy n jelly. He has to be able to earn my respect n admiration and his ego has a lot to do with that. We all know that saying- too much of anything is bad? Well, in this case I agree! Yes, please have that ego but a super duper dose? No, thanks….I’ll pass!

What is it that makes a man make rash decisions n then cannot revoke it even with pleas n in the face of imminent destruction? What makes a man think women are created for his pleasure n he can have them when he pleases? What makes a man think there’s no lady he could ever ask out that would say ‘No’ to him? What makes a man think he can hurt a woman n then give her a time limit to get over it? What makes it difficult for a man to apologize to his wife even after he has caused her so much pain? What makes it difficult for a man to help his wife with her work/chores? What makes a man go berserk when his masculinity is questioned? Brethren, the ‘what makes….’ won’t end. Have a whole lot of them.

A dear friend said to me, ‘girl, I am advising you like a brother would. Never, ever touch your man’s ego. It’s the worst thing you could do to a man.’ Wow! I must say, he made a lot of sense as I have come to see that. So, I would say, Ladies, please do your best to stroke your man’s ego n avoid stepping on it. It’s unwise for a sister to say to her man, ‘Be a man’. Honey, he don’t need you telling him that. A woman’s gotta know how to harness her man’s qualities n maximize them. So, two things- Don’t tread on it n stroke it. Yes, massage it. He needs you to. That just means- boost his self confidence n esteem.

Brothers! Now, I’m unto you. I have just one answer for the ‘what makes’ up there…’s called an OVER- INFLATED EGO! It is destructive. In as much as you are a man, n you got the power, do not forget you are dealing with a fellow human being even if she might be your woman. ‘Do unto others what you would have them do to you’. No exceptions. Half of what men dish out they cannot take. When it’s over inflated, it is difficult to see. You cannot see past yourself n your needs. You cannot see past her shortcomings. You cannot see or respect her opinions n needs. You cannot see past the arrogance n false sense of authority. I remember this chiker n really, that chase wasn’t a palatable one because all I could see in him was that OVER-INFLATED EGO. Of course, I ran for my dear life.

What caused Lucifer’s fall? That over-inflated ego. Guys, it could be a blessing and vice-versa; it’s your call. If you have a woman that does her best to encourage n impress you, then don’t ruin it. Don’t allow that ego take over. Control it, manage it, do all you can to keep it healthy but not overgrown. Yes, you are the head of the home, the head of the woman, her crown… have that much power but the real test of it is to have it n not misuse it. Remember, our choices n decisions make us. He didn’t give it to you to be misused; it is supposed to be a blessing.

So, I am tempted to agree with Beyonce when she says, ‘if it’s too big, too strong, too wide n too much - it WON’T fit ‘cos if he has a huge ego n such a big ego………..I don’t want none of it!

Much love!



There is no gainsaying but a man will always be a man! To a lay woman, a man's ego is a curse but to a REAL woman, it's a blessing. Such women would do all they can to learn how to manage it.

I for one enjoying arguing. I am an academic and what I do best is arguing. Daily, things I write about are potions of argument coherently streamed towards a well-meditated point. On that note, so arguing to me is not a matter of ego, it's a hobby. So, depending on the person (man) in question. I have fellow lady academic who would not bow to any man with respect to the point they are stressing out. So, I would regard that example of argument as a straight FALLACY! Arguing is not a matter of ego.

On your other struts, like a man going to help his wife in the kitchen, it also depends on training. Some are not trained to be in the kitchen. They perhaps would find the kitchen not a place to be. Just as it could be for a man, I've found women who don't go near they kitchen too. So, that might be and not be a result of ego.

Egoic examples would be thinking you know all and no one else knows better than you or think you cannot learn from another. Also, thinking every other person are under your feet...

My 2cents :)


Omoregee said...

Hmmmn LDP, perhaps u didn't take time to read this piece well? First off, please define a 'REAL' woman. I would like to know what that means.

2- Yes, I like to argue too, but an inability to take to correction n admit that you are wrong is nothing but pride my brother.....too much ego, whether male or female. Get it right......the argument is not about the ego, healthy arguments are good for learning, it is the inability to take to correction that has the ego influence. So no my is no fallacy, u just didn't understand it.

3- I didn't mention the kitchen did I? It was on purpose! I didn't becos I do know that some men are clumsy in the kitchen.....I said, 'help within/without the home, it doesn't have to be in the kitchen, but a man that cannot lift his hand to do anything in his home or provide the required help becos he is a man I believe has a bit too much self importance. It is his wife we are talking about!

4- U say my examples are not egoistic? Please lets have urs.......the ones where there's the 'thinking every other person is under your feet' Really, the ego thingy could just be in our heads but the physical manifestation are the very few examples I have given, because I happen to have seen them. Sure, a man should be a man, but not a male chauvinistic one. Thats not the deal.

My two Kobo :D

Imisi said...

Wowz! Pretty dicey subject here - particularly as the perfect balance-point is almost invisible!

Moderation, communication and empathy should do the trick!

Btw, I'm having a fight with the GF right now - and I swear I aint apologising «this time». Don't ask why. #OkBye

kitkat said...

too much of everything is not good. There's no harm in a self-confident man afterall confidence is sexy!.. but when he crosses that thin line and goes over to cockiness..then yawa don gas (HA!)

Omoregee said...

@ Imisi....It is, isn't it? :)

Perfect balance point? What would that be?

Ok, so MAYBE I wouldn't ask, but if you are wrong.....then for as many times as you do wrong, you need to do want issues resolved right?

Tx for reading :)

@kitkat....Abi! Confidence n cockiness ain't the same thing.
Tx :)

Anonymous said...

EGO EGO EGO! EGO! Every human being has a measure of it but when it becomes excess and so obvious, then it becomes a problem.

So where and how a balance is to be achieved?...hey! i dunno...just that one should apologize when clearly wrong, accept defeat amicably when lost, ask questions when one don't understand and KNOW WHEN TO PICK YOUR BATTLES in a nut-shell.

As for men helping nigeria, it's very few because of their upbringing, but an average 9ja man DON'T help out around the home! Why? because of the MENTALITY the society had instilled in them...which would take a gradual time to be erased.

odeniyi said...

Ego's not gender sensitive, everyone has a dose of it, only when it get overblotted, it becomes something else- pride. except you are told, most times we don't get to know if our ego has become pride. Insightful.

Mena UkodoisReady said...

I understand where you are coming from completely.

Here is my take, if one's ego stops one from admitting to mistakes then such will not achieve greatness.

Great men of history are those who are very humble or those who are able to say look I made a mistake, I want to make amends.

For my latter comment, Paul and David comes to my mind and for the former,Martin Luther King and Mandela comes to my mind.


Cost of living Africans should know about

doll said...

My ex boyfriend hit me for the first time four years into the relationship cuz i said “if you were man enough...”

Omoregee said...

@Madam IB....true talk! Hmmn, the mentality, I still don't know. I wrote from personal examples whereby the guy is brought up to do all the house chores etc but upon marriage, im don become landlord....he can't do jack again, especially when there r no kids or helps around? But I understand ur point. Tx a bunch :)

@Odeniyi.....Yea, everyone's got the ego......true dat. Tx :)

@Mena......Hmmmn, would like u to plz elucidate on the Martin Luther King n Mandela examples. Tx!

@doll..... oops! y did u say that naw? :( Still, he shouldn't av hit u! *hug* I'm sure uve moved on! It just goes to don't play with their ego. Tx!

Kaydee said...

"(..swallow your pride), my pride ain't edible"

This is way beyond being too egotistical.Some people are just incorrigible.It's got nothing to do with ego,they'd rather die than eat humble pie.

Great blog!

HoneyDame said...

I dont know how nature managed to design it in such a way that guys seem to have it in exponentially huge quantities.
It is not worth getting in a horn lock with, ladies. Even though it is hard, the best way to get around it is to give the impression of stroking it.
Arggghhh!!! there are several times when that is all needed to avoid a huge row. Yes, it takes lots of practise and patience and oh gawd! did I mention patience? but at the end of the day you come tops.
Understand me, there are times when even s a lady, you need to put your foot down. The way it is done is what matters though.

Good one Omoregee

Omoregee said...

@Kaydee.......Pride is really destructive.....tx :)

@HD......u know it n ure so right. Just a lil stroke can do wonders! Tx :)

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