Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I long to say……..‘YES!’


………………but for now, all I seem to be saying is ‘NO’. 

I am inspired to write this because of some wonderful n peculiar set of people who at one point or the other in my twenty-something years have thought me worthy enough to be their girl.
This is to the numerous guyz (yeah, I’m hot like that…..wink) who have said, “Mo’, please be my lady”. I really wish it were that simple n it could have been affirmative; for some it was a big ‘no no’ but for some others, it was an ‘almost’ but in this case we all know almost doesn’t count.

You might wonder why I am doing this; well, I feel it’s been a long time coming. A whole lot of people have been bugging n asking about that LIST. The List that seems to determine the fate of dem brothers. Ha ha! Oh, maybe I don’t have a list, maybe I do, I know at a point I did sit down to write long page(s) of the qualities n values I would love my man to possess. I broke it down to the basics n frivolities-the die-hard ones n the ones I could do without. In my mind, I already had a template to check the poor unsuspecting guys n when they came along, you bet I did my check. 

Good Looks - CHECK! Fat Bank Account – CHECK! Shiny Wheels – CHECK! Fab Job – CHECK! 

OK, you know I’m kidding, but really that’s some peoples check list up there, makes me wonder if the babe is going for the guy or his ‘attaches’. Anywayz, I do my check too….but then a time came, no thanks to some influences when I started to think I was placing too much importance on The List n letting the ‘good guyz’ slip by me. I heard, ‘you iz too picky, too choosy’, ‘you need to amend your list and make it realistic’. I do agree, some of the qualities were a little juvenile, and so I ‘grew’ it up. Still, no candidate fitted the description. Oh, List-Guy, where are you?

Do I sound like you? Have you spent awhile amending and upgrading your list and still, that guy/lady remains MIA? Are you beginning to think you are asking for too much and you need to make your list ‘realistic’? Well, two things; 1- maybe it isn’t the List that needs to change per se but you and 2- maybe you are living in Fantasy Land.

A lot of us want our man/woman to be a certain way but have we taken time to work on us to be that way? You yearn for Mr./Missy Right, have you taken time to make yourself right? Do you think the person you are now can attract Mr./Missy Right to you? Are you well equipped to complement Mr./Missy Right in all wise? So, just maybe your List is fine, but you ain’t and the trick is once you change, your List invariably changes. You see, the List isn’t really about the other person, it’s all about you dearie. :D

Oh, and just maybe you are asking for too much. I know we all have a picture of whom n what we want, trust me, ain’t nobody got it down like I do, but really some of ‘em can be just fickle. It might be a lil difficult to find someone with the entire package, but if we can find 80%, we good yeah? On my list used to be- A Power Dresser! Now, don’t laugh! I feel if I can take time to work on my dress sense, my guy should also do the same, but recently, I had to amend that. My orientation changed n I realize it just might be me he needs to teach him how to ‘Power-dress’. You see, what I am saying is, things like that can be worked upon n learnt as long as the person is willing n teachable; that’s the quality to look out for- a teachable spirit. A person with that attitude can learn to do things different n better. While I would not go for someone with a totally off dress sense, I am open to a guy who may not be a Power Dresser but still knows that plain shirts are better on stripped pants, especially if they have different designs!

A lot of factors influence our choices and sometimes when the obvious doesn’t catch our fancy, we tend to be un-interested. I am so guilty of that but I realize it wouldn’t hurt to take a closer look- from a safe distance though (if you know what I mean) just to be double sure you observed right.

I know my list is not un-realistic because, I actually have met guyz who fit the description well enough, but the conditions weren’t right else, we may have been starting something. For as much as you know you are not being ethereal n fickle in your List, I plead with you, keep working on you n don’t touch that list! I ain’t contradicting me, get it right. You know you have worked on you and have invested in building n getting yourself ready for ‘the one’, then dearie, you deserve someone who also has taken time out to do the same! I don’t vote for settling. Please do not settle, perhaps due to pressure or perceived time-out. In as much as you know that your List-guy/lady abounds n they ain’t a pigment of your imagination, please be patient n wait for that one. Don’t toss off one of those vital qualities you know you cannot live without. E.g, for me, if a guy had all the points in my list down, but couldn’t connect n communicate effectively with me, it ain’t going nowhere. Communication I believe is the live wire of any relationship n it’s on my core qualities, we just have to have that connection!

To all my ‘chikers’ n ‘toasters’, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, I am sorry if I dashed your hopes. I am sorry if I was harsh n unfeeling, all I did, I needed to do. I just need you to know, I am honored that you thought about me n felt I was worthy enough to share your life with, but alas! It would have been a living hell for incompatibility would have dealt with us. For all those I said ‘NO’ to, it wasn’t because you weren’t good enough, oh no, it solely was n is that - we just ain’t right for each other. My ‘NO’ gives you the opportunity to do better; it only means you just have to keep searching till you find ‘the one’. I realize it wasn’t what you hoped to hear, but really, you knew it was an option. A ‘NO’ shouldn’t be the end of the world. So, let’s shake hands and be friends while we both keep moving on to ‘the promised land’.

Much Love.

Friday, March 11, 2011

What a guy wants…..what a guy needs…..whatever makes him happy…..?

If anyone should ask what I want right now, the list would be- a fabulous job, a behd car, a new phone, IPad, hard drive, a beach house, trip to the Caribbean and if they can wing it- a husband. What do you want?

So, I did this check on FB recently, to get a feel of what the average man wants; note- I didn’t ask what a man wants from his woman, I just put, ‘What do men really want?’ and alas! The larger percentage bent towards demands from a woman (that goes to say they really can’t do without us, now whose world is it? Ha ha!)

P.S- FB is one of the most rewarding means for seeking information, if you know how to use it. It is interesting to know just about how much you can find out on facebook.

Well, the responses varied- from the guy that wants- a good job n a woman that brings happiness to the one who wants- real n rare love and the one who wants- a humble, sincere, intelligent, homely, responsible, mentally strong, caring and God-fearing lady, plus another who feels money and sex is about it. Trust me some answers were eye openers and some, downright hilarious but one particular one got my attention and got me thinking. This pal said and I quote, ‘This is really a tricky question, but lemme answer it this way. This response would be almost solely for the man you choose to love. It’s not something you can give to every man that comes your way although every man craves it. The absolute need is Respect (honour, submission) from his spouse. Not a form of subservience but in love. This crave of man is in the very essence of him, wired in his quest for dominion. Now the trick is once a man can get it from his immediate spouse, the rest is settled from his externals’. I kept turning this over and over in my mind, not because this was a first but it hit me somewhere close to ‘home’. Then I remembered what God said when he created Adam- the first man to ever live. He said, ‘Be fruitful n multiply. Dominate the earth and subdue it’ #gbam!. This was the very WORD……the rev.

It didn’t stop there, I got kinda excited, and so I decided to experiment. I tried this on a couple of unsuspecting male peeps n it worked. In that experiment, I discovered that even if a man doesn’t like you, but you make him feel special and like a king, he will begin to look your way. There’s seems to be something about making a man feel that he owns the world, at least your world that turns him on, so to speak.. Just make him feel like a king and he’d be tripping to please you. This isn’t hearsay, tried it, it worked.

I got excited because it was a challenge to me. On an average, I can be extremely independent and stubborn. My friends once nick-named me ‘no-nonsense’. I don’t condone rubbish, you mess up, I treat your case. Brethren, I started thinking, could this be a minus for me when I’m married? I know I am supposed to submit to my husband, but can I do that even when he messes up, makes me mad or is being irrational? It was reality check time.

I heard something few weeks ago……’the difference between an achiever and a wannabe achiever is confidence. When I thought about it, I had to agree, confidence is like a drug that gives one the leverage to do just about anything. You feel like you can take on the world and fear ain’t got nothing on you. Well, when a man has a woman’s (especially the one he loves) respect, admiration, attention and submission, he has that confidence, and it is a good feeling. Now, a man’s source of confidence shouldn’t necessarily be from his significant other, but when the odds around him are trying to put a damp on his spirit and bring him down, but there’s that one who has made it her duty to make him feel special and loved, those odds become less significant.

It is innate in a man to want to dominate. It is like his God-given role. He wants to be in charge and when he’s not, things aren’t ok. No man wants a woman who can’t listen and submit to him. One person’s gotta wear the pants, and it has to be him. Now, I ain’t married, so I cannot give you a first-hand experience on what submission to a husband should be, but I can tell you what I think.

I think it’s about allowing him take the lead, I think it’s about voicing my opinion but not always insisting on it. I think it’s about constant respect, no matter what he does or doesn’t do. I think it’s about meeting his needs, I think it’s about the way I talk to him, being able to disagree and differ without being overbearing. I think it’s about encouraging him relentlessly. I don’t think submission is enslavement neither do I think it’s about keeping quiet when you know he is wrong. I don’t think it’s about letting him take you for granted constantly neither do I think it’s about letting him get away with bad/destructive behavior.

Like that my pal wisely said, this ain’t for every man but for that special man….and He even said, ‘wives, be ye submissive unto your husbands’, not women, be submissive to men. The recipe I believe Christ gave for marriage is LOVE and SUBMISSION. ‘Husbands, love your wives……..’ ‘Wives, be submissive…….’ That says a whole lot.

Ok, this is just my opinion, am I wrong? What do you think?

Much love.

Related Posts with Thumbnails