………………but for now, all I seem to be saying is ‘NO’.
I am inspired to write this because of some wonderful n peculiar set of people who at one point or the other in my twenty-something years have thought me worthy enough to be their girl.
This is to the numerous guyz (yeah, I’m hot like that…..wink) who have said, “Mo’, please be my lady”. I really wish it were that simple n it could have been affirmative; for some it was a big ‘no no’ but for some others, it was an ‘almost’ but in this case we all know almost doesn’t count.
You might wonder why I am doing this; well, I feel it’s been a long time coming. A whole lot of people have been bugging n asking about that LIST. The List that seems to determine the fate of dem brothers. Ha ha! Oh, maybe I don’t have a list, maybe I do, I know at a point I did sit down to write long page(s) of the qualities n values I would love my man to possess. I broke it down to the basics n frivolities-the die-hard ones n the ones I could do without. In my mind, I already had a template to check the poor unsuspecting guys n when they came along, you bet I did my check.
Good Looks - CHECK! Fat Bank Account – CHECK! Shiny Wheels – CHECK! Fab Job – CHECK!
OK, you know I’m kidding, but really that’s some peoples check list up there, makes me wonder if the babe is going for the guy or his ‘attaches’. Anywayz, I do my check too….but then a time came, no thanks to some influences when I started to think I was placing too much importance on The List n letting the ‘good guyz’ slip by me. I heard, ‘you iz too picky, too choosy’, ‘you need to amend your list and make it realistic’. I do agree, some of the qualities were a little juvenile, and so I ‘grew’ it up. Still, no candidate fitted the description. Oh, List-Guy, where are you?
Do I sound like you? Have you spent awhile amending and upgrading your list and still, that guy/lady remains MIA? Are you beginning to think you are asking for too much and you need to make your list ‘realistic’? Well, two things; 1- maybe it isn’t the List that needs to change per se but you and 2- maybe you are living in Fantasy Land.
A lot of us want our man/woman to be a certain way but have we taken time to work on us to be that way? You yearn for Mr./Missy Right, have you taken time to make yourself right? Do you think the person you are now can attract Mr./Missy Right to you? Are you well equipped to complement Mr./Missy Right in all wise? So, just maybe your List is fine, but you ain’t and the trick is once you change, your List invariably changes. You see, the List isn’t really about the other person, it’s all about you dearie. :D
Oh, and just maybe you are asking for too much. I know we all have a picture of whom n what we want, trust me, ain’t nobody got it down like I do, but really some of ‘em can be just fickle. It might be a lil difficult to find someone with the entire package, but if we can find 80%, we good yeah? On my list used to be- A Power Dresser! Now, don’t laugh! I feel if I can take time to work on my dress sense, my guy should also do the same, but recently, I had to amend that. My orientation changed n I realize it just might be me he needs to teach him how to ‘Power-dress’. You see, what I am saying is, things like that can be worked upon n learnt as long as the person is willing n teachable; that’s the quality to look out for- a teachable spirit. A person with that attitude can learn to do things different n better. While I would not go for someone with a totally off dress sense, I am open to a guy who may not be a Power Dresser but still knows that plain shirts are better on stripped pants, especially if they have different designs!
A lot of factors influence our choices and sometimes when the obvious doesn’t catch our fancy, we tend to be un-interested. I am so guilty of that but I realize it wouldn’t hurt to take a closer look- from a safe distance though (if you know what I mean) just to be double sure you observed right.
I know my list is not un-realistic because, I actually have met guyz who fit the description well enough, but the conditions weren’t right else, we may have been starting something. For as much as you know you are not being ethereal n fickle in your List, I plead with you, keep working on you n don’t touch that list! I ain’t contradicting me, get it right. You know you have worked on you and have invested in building n getting yourself ready for ‘the one’, then dearie, you deserve someone who also has taken time out to do the same! I don’t vote for settling. Please do not settle, perhaps due to pressure or perceived time-out. In as much as you know that your List-guy/lady abounds n they ain’t a pigment of your imagination, please be patient n wait for that one. Don’t toss off one of those vital qualities you know you cannot live without. E.g, for me, if a guy had all the points in my list down, but couldn’t connect n communicate effectively with me, it ain’t going nowhere. Communication I believe is the live wire of any relationship n it’s on my core qualities, we just have to have that connection!
To all my ‘chikers’ n ‘toasters’, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, I am sorry if I dashed your hopes. I am sorry if I was harsh n unfeeling, all I did, I needed to do. I just need you to know, I am honored that you thought about me n felt I was worthy enough to share your life with, but alas! It would have been a living hell for incompatibility would have dealt with us. For all those I said ‘NO’ to, it wasn’t because you weren’t good enough, oh no, it solely was n is that - we just ain’t right for each other. My ‘NO’ gives you the opportunity to do better; it only means you just have to keep searching till you find ‘the one’. I realize it wasn’t what you hoped to hear, but really, you knew it was an option. A ‘NO’ shouldn’t be the end of the world. So, let’s shake hands and be friends while we both keep moving on to ‘the promised land’.