Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I long to say……..‘YES!’


 

………………but for now, all I seem to be saying is ‘NO’. 


I am inspired to write this because of some wonderful n peculiar set of people who at one point or the other in my twenty-something years have thought me worthy enough to be their girl.
This is to the numerous guyz (yeah, I’m hot like that…..wink) who have said, “Mo’, please be my lady”. I really wish it were that simple n it could have been affirmative; for some it was a big ‘no no’ but for some others, it was an ‘almost’ but in this case we all know almost doesn’t count.

You might wonder why I am doing this; well, I feel it’s been a long time coming. A whole lot of people have been bugging n asking about that LIST. The List that seems to determine the fate of dem brothers. Ha ha! Oh, maybe I don’t have a list, maybe I do, I know at a point I did sit down to write long page(s) of the qualities n values I would love my man to possess. I broke it down to the basics n frivolities-the die-hard ones n the ones I could do without. In my mind, I already had a template to check the poor unsuspecting guys n when they came along, you bet I did my check. 

Good Looks - CHECK! Fat Bank Account – CHECK! Shiny Wheels – CHECK! Fab Job – CHECK! 

OK, you know I’m kidding, but really that’s some peoples check list up there, makes me wonder if the babe is going for the guy or his ‘attaches’. Anywayz, I do my check too….but then a time came, no thanks to some influences when I started to think I was placing too much importance on The List n letting the ‘good guyz’ slip by me. I heard, ‘you iz too picky, too choosy’, ‘you need to amend your list and make it realistic’. I do agree, some of the qualities were a little juvenile, and so I ‘grew’ it up. Still, no candidate fitted the description. Oh, List-Guy, where are you?

Do I sound like you? Have you spent awhile amending and upgrading your list and still, that guy/lady remains MIA? Are you beginning to think you are asking for too much and you need to make your list ‘realistic’? Well, two things; 1- maybe it isn’t the List that needs to change per se but you and 2- maybe you are living in Fantasy Land.

A lot of us want our man/woman to be a certain way but have we taken time to work on us to be that way? You yearn for Mr./Missy Right, have you taken time to make yourself right? Do you think the person you are now can attract Mr./Missy Right to you? Are you well equipped to complement Mr./Missy Right in all wise? So, just maybe your List is fine, but you ain’t and the trick is once you change, your List invariably changes. You see, the List isn’t really about the other person, it’s all about you dearie. :D

Oh, and just maybe you are asking for too much. I know we all have a picture of whom n what we want, trust me, ain’t nobody got it down like I do, but really some of ‘em can be just fickle. It might be a lil difficult to find someone with the entire package, but if we can find 80%, we good yeah? On my list used to be- A Power Dresser! Now, don’t laugh! I feel if I can take time to work on my dress sense, my guy should also do the same, but recently, I had to amend that. My orientation changed n I realize it just might be me he needs to teach him how to ‘Power-dress’. You see, what I am saying is, things like that can be worked upon n learnt as long as the person is willing n teachable; that’s the quality to look out for- a teachable spirit. A person with that attitude can learn to do things different n better. While I would not go for someone with a totally off dress sense, I am open to a guy who may not be a Power Dresser but still knows that plain shirts are better on stripped pants, especially if they have different designs!

A lot of factors influence our choices and sometimes when the obvious doesn’t catch our fancy, we tend to be un-interested. I am so guilty of that but I realize it wouldn’t hurt to take a closer look- from a safe distance though (if you know what I mean) just to be double sure you observed right.

I know my list is not un-realistic because, I actually have met guyz who fit the description well enough, but the conditions weren’t right else, we may have been starting something. For as much as you know you are not being ethereal n fickle in your List, I plead with you, keep working on you n don’t touch that list! I ain’t contradicting me, get it right. You know you have worked on you and have invested in building n getting yourself ready for ‘the one’, then dearie, you deserve someone who also has taken time out to do the same! I don’t vote for settling. Please do not settle, perhaps due to pressure or perceived time-out. In as much as you know that your List-guy/lady abounds n they ain’t a pigment of your imagination, please be patient n wait for that one. Don’t toss off one of those vital qualities you know you cannot live without. E.g, for me, if a guy had all the points in my list down, but couldn’t connect n communicate effectively with me, it ain’t going nowhere. Communication I believe is the live wire of any relationship n it’s on my core qualities, we just have to have that connection!


To all my ‘chikers’ n ‘toasters’, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, I am sorry if I dashed your hopes. I am sorry if I was harsh n unfeeling, all I did, I needed to do. I just need you to know, I am honored that you thought about me n felt I was worthy enough to share your life with, but alas! It would have been a living hell for incompatibility would have dealt with us. For all those I said ‘NO’ to, it wasn’t because you weren’t good enough, oh no, it solely was n is that - we just ain’t right for each other. My ‘NO’ gives you the opportunity to do better; it only means you just have to keep searching till you find ‘the one’. I realize it wasn’t what you hoped to hear, but really, you knew it was an option. A ‘NO’ shouldn’t be the end of the world. So, let’s shake hands and be friends while we both keep moving on to ‘the promised land’.




Much Love.

20 comments:

odeniyi said...

Hmmm, intresting how much the introduction of your notes catches one and make one hooked till the end, bonnie and Clayde, Yakatta and now this, plsss tell me you were born writting or did Achebe lay hands on you?. That being said, you have virtually touched every part concerning this topic, but just a little note here, the list should also not be only about the present...it should also include the future, you know, that which you want Miss/Mister to be/have in let's say 2years time?. Thanks for sharing yenny, you write fabulously and may Him had more to you. Odeniyi.

Intbee said...

I go with Odeniyi's compliments but i disagree with the part, "...the list should also not be only about the present...it should also include the future...".
I'd say that the present seems to be more important in this case 'cause it just makes or ruins the future, which means that the present extremely counts. For the errors already made or made today, we should just make amendments on 'em in 'the present of tomorrow' (if I may say) by 'being at' & giving our best at every 'present' that we are privileged to live, it sure counts.

Simply me.. said...

Oh..babes..this write up is fantastic...I particularly like the part about working to make ourselves "right" before looking for that right person...we spend so much time looking for 'Mr Right' when indeed we are from being perfect ourselves...

Simply me.. said...

Lest I forget,I will definately buy your book...I know you are still gonna write one...thumbs up babes...

Oluseun Onigbinde said...

Really brilliant look inwards..I am waiting for that your man and put him to an interview #justjoking# I need to get it right, when I am get it right.... you are the perfect test environment, if you say Yes, then anyone who nod Yes #justjoking#

kitkat said...

i'm not into thinking up qualities for the man i want..it jst seems fickle and artificial to me,lol.
i know what i want when i see it. i may say i like outgoing guys, but tomorrow i'll meet a cool charming reserved dude..wat then happens to my "list"?..so it all depends on the individual. lists mean nothing to me,lol

Dipo Oginni said...

Haha! Detail... Wish I was one of them..wouldn't be a bas idea to know how I'd measure up on that list. Yoi forgot tp mention something though, sometimes it's best to toss the list aside and see the man just the way he is..

Anonymous said...

LOL @Seun.

This is TERRIFIC Yenny. I doff my hat.

Durotimi

KATALYST said...

Nice one...from the heart n ink of the ready writer...:)

Bomi said...

awww:)! Thanks for sharing, Kudos to you for your honesty...and I certainly wish you all the very best!

Much love=)!

~Bomi

Harry Itie said...

Really feeling the honesty here... I like

jacobs opeyemi said...

if there is any write up that addresses at a glance what a lady should look for when thinking about the man of her dreams and the future in perspective......this is it. keep it up sis....hope to see more of write ups like this that attends to the thots and decisions of the woman and why things happen they happen...

Omoregee said...

@Odenyi & Intbee....thanks a bunch guys :)
The present n future are both important and in this case, there is a connectivity btw the present n future but it should be more about the present. Rem I asked, are you right, now? It sure is important to foresee what 2/3 years would look like but you also have to see some inclination/evidence from the present.

@Simply me...thanks! I most def would write one now, can't afford to disappoint a prospective buyer :)
Welcome n thanks for following!

@Seun.....'perfect test environment' huh? Ok, lets see how it goes.....ha ha!

@kitkat.....hmmmn, I see your angle but I think this is exactly why we need a list, so we don't get 'swayed'. Sure, we get to like different things, which is why I said the list is about the person but the essence of the list is to help you have a standard n not deviate from it. Of course, the list is subject to change, cos people tend to change :)

@Dipo....you do av a point! Thanks!

@Rotimi.....I'm lol too! Thanks!

@Katalyst......I'm glad you think so.

@Bomi....:) just calling it like I see it. Thank you ma!

@Harry....thanks for reading :)

@Jacobs....thanks for reading :)

natural nigerian said...

I have to say that I am with KitKat on this one. I have found that it is indeed an individual thing...when you are talking about behaviours. However, your values and principles (plus those that you want your partner to have) tend to remain the same over the years and I guess that part will be a "list" so to speak.

Myne Whitman said...

That was a very honest list, I like that you also look ahead to what the future holds.

Omoregee said...

@natural nigerian.....so to speak :) Tx.

@Myne......The future is very important. Tx :)

Purpleicious Babe (DOZ) said...

I think anyone that has a list should also aim to compliment that list. Just like a lady is looking for a great guy, a great guy is looking for that great lady...... So both aim to be great...

No matter what, we all have mental lists ( probably adjustable depending)...

Either way, lists or no lists (before a Yes comes through, he has to be in love with God... am sorry no compromise on that one (once I compromise on that, I will keep compromising for everything else that can potentially ruin my life).......

Omoregee said...

@Purpleicious Babe......we do think alike. Please tell me u like Purple n you'ld be my soul sister :)

Thanks for stopping by.

Funmi said...

You have a great writing skill Hun, I awarded you the sunshine award please check out my blog for more information

Omoregee said...

Awww, tx sweetie......God be praised for His gifts :)

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