That Ego……a blessing or a curse?

I was arguing with a certain male once upon a time n it was so obvious he was wrong; the dumbest person could tell, yet he wasn’t going to give. He kept on harping on his lame point n at a point I was disgusted. I like to argue but only when it’s done intelligently. I mean, if n when a person is wrong, shouldn’t he/she be graceful in admitting n taking correction? Not my guy oh! God forbid that he bow to my opinion…..after all I am a lady! What more does my specie know to do than to cook, clean n keep house? SMH!

It didn’t take so much to figure out what he was about. It’s all about the ego. That sacred, untouchable aspect of a man’s being a lady shouldn’t be messing with. What exactly is the ego anywayz? Let’s ask the dictionary shall we? It says, ‘the ‘I’ or self of any person as thinking, feeling or willing……. It also says, ‘conceit, self-esteem or self-importance feelings. Do we get the picture? If you don’t, just think about the reason why a man would refuse to help his wife within/without the home n we are good to go. Ok? Let’s go!

So, we have an idea of what the ego is. Everyone has a measure of it but am I biased to say the men have a larger dose of it? Ego in itself is not a bad thing. It’s just like saying one has a measure of self-esteem. A healthy self-esteem is required to maintain healthy relationships n succeed. One’s self-concept is very important. It’s gotta be right n healthy. Now, what happens when there is a very high supply of this? High self-esteem, high self-concept, too much ego…..I’ll say it’s tantamount to pride, in any way you might wanna explain it, I’m all ears. Shall we see the dictionary again? It says, ‘pride is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.’ So, we can say pride is synonyms with hyper ego or an over-inflated self-esteem.

God is His wisdom knows why he created man the way he did. The physique, emotions, mind, qualities n attributes. Interestingly, it seems He put a good dose of the ego in the whole package, but I doubt if He intended it to be a curse. A man without an ego is unattractive-at least to me. He’s gotta have ‘balls’! Can’t be acting all sissy n jelly. He has to be able to earn my respect n admiration and his ego has a lot to do with that. We all know that saying- too much of anything is bad? Well, in this case I agree! Yes, please have that ego but a super duper dose? No, thanks….I’ll pass!

What is it that makes a man make rash decisions n then cannot revoke it even with pleas n in the face of imminent destruction? What makes a man think women are created for his pleasure n he can have them when he pleases? What makes a man think there’s no lady he could ever ask out that would say ‘No’ to him? What makes a man think he can hurt a woman n then give her a time limit to get over it? What makes it difficult for a man to apologize to his wife even after he has caused her so much pain? What makes it difficult for a man to help his wife with her work/chores? What makes a man go berserk when his masculinity is questioned? Brethren, the ‘what makes….’ won’t end. Have a whole lot of them.

A dear friend said to me, ‘girl, I am advising you like a brother would. Never, ever touch your man’s ego. It’s the worst thing you could do to a man.’ Wow! I must say, he made a lot of sense as I have come to see that. So, I would say, Ladies, please do your best to stroke your man’s ego n avoid stepping on it. It’s unwise for a sister to say to her man, ‘Be a man’. Honey, he don’t need you telling him that. A woman’s gotta know how to harness her man’s qualities n maximize them. So, two things- Don’t tread on it n stroke it. Yes, massage it. He needs you to. That just means- boost his self confidence n esteem.

Brothers! Now, I’m unto you. I have just one answer for the ‘what makes’ up there…..it’s called an OVER- INFLATED EGO! It is destructive. In as much as you are a man, n you got the power, do not forget you are dealing with a fellow human being even if she might be your woman. ‘Do unto others what you would have them do to you’. No exceptions. Half of what men dish out they cannot take. When it’s over inflated, it is difficult to see. You cannot see past yourself n your needs. You cannot see past her shortcomings. You cannot see or respect her opinions n needs. You cannot see past the arrogance n false sense of authority. I remember this chiker n really, that chase wasn’t a palatable one because all I could see in him was that OVER-INFLATED EGO. Of course, I ran for my dear life.

What caused Lucifer’s fall? That over-inflated ego. Guys, it could be a blessing and vice-versa; it’s your call. If you have a woman that does her best to encourage n impress you, then don’t ruin it. Don’t allow that ego take over. Control it, manage it, do all you can to keep it healthy but not overgrown. Yes, you are the head of the home, the head of the woman, her crown…..you have that much power but the real test of it is to have it n not misuse it. Remember, our choices n decisions make us. He didn’t give it to you to be misused; it is supposed to be a blessing.

So, I am tempted to agree with Beyonce when she says, ‘if it’s too big, too strong, too wide n too much - it WON’T fit ‘cos if he has a huge ego n such a big ego………..I don’t want none of it!

Much love!