Who's Da Boss?

Laughing out loud! I laugh as I remember this story Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya loved to tell about how a guy was in his ‘heat’ and just couldn’t seem to control himself and wanted to sleep with his girlfriend. As they were about to get down to the business, the lady told the guy she had something important to tell him and the guy who was already ‘charged’ and ready told her to spit out whatever it was she had to say as she was ruining the mood. She said, ‘sweetheart, before we go on, I just need you to know that I’m HIV positive and I love you very much’. Your guess is as good as mine. The guy’s ‘battery’ went flat. (Laughing)


Many times situations, feelings and emotions come our way and they tend to overwhelm us such that we feel helpless and unable to control or discipline ourselves. You come across that beautiful necklace/cool phone you know you shouldn’t buy because it will set back your budget a great deal but you go ahead to buy it anyway as you can’t seem to help yourself. You know you shouldn’t eat those chocolates and ice cream but they just seem to have your name on it, one cup wouldn’t hurt, or would it?

For God hath not given us the Spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control (sound mind). 2 Tim 1:7. Different versions interchange the words self control and sound mind, so we could invariably say to have self control is to have a sound mind. So, when you seem not to be able to control yourself, your mind isn’t in a sane state. We control and discipline ourselves because we want to conform to a certain standard we seek to pattern our lives after. We could say to have self control (discipline) means to make one’s self steady and consistent to a pattern and not deviate from that standard. The flesh naturally wants to do whatever it pleases, but it is the Spirit of God that makes us realize that everything is lawful, but not everything is expedient (profitable). 1 Cor 6: 12 – 13 tells us that we can do anything we want to, but not everything is good for us and that we are not supposed to do indecent things with our bodies but to use them for God who owns and dwells in our bodies.

There comes that stage in every courtship when our hormones seem to be raging out of control and we just can’t seem to hold out any longer, and so to help ourselves, we go first base, second base, but not actually ‘all the way’, after all, it’s pre-marital sex God frowns at and not kissing, necking, petting and its likes. Most peeps like to say there’s no scripture in the bible where God condemns kissing etc. This is true but I know a scripture that says we should flee every APPEARANCE of evil, not evil itself, wouldn’t you agree with me that kissing, necking and petting are appearances of sex, isn’t that what is called foreplay? Some guys tell me they can control themselves when they are into the preambles and would not necessarily go all the way, and then I ask them, the last time you were kissing her, what were your hands doing? We really need to understand that fornication and sexual immorality is not only about the act alone, it involves the mind. It is not until you ‘do the do’ with a lady that you fornicate, merely undressing a woman with your eyes is sexual immorality!

In Proverbs 5, instructions were given to King Solomon that he might have sound judgement! The first was to flee immoral women. This reminds me of what Pastor Kunle Soriyan once said that when you are involved with sexual sin, you withdraw from your bank of influence, I mean don’t we all remember Samson, the mighty man of valor, what brought him down? His weakness, his untamed sexuality.

For real, the ‘gish gish’, ‘lets get down’ feeling is there, perhaps almost everytime you see him/her, in fact my pastor likes to say that as a man, if you don’t feel like grabbing or sleeping with your intended, you need to rethink your choice; but I would like you to get it out of you that you cannot control yourself, because you can! The flesh (our mind) constantly wars with our Spirit man (The Word) and at each time, our choice decides if we conquer sin or not. It’s always about a choice, but making the choice is easy when the Holy Spirit is in control, because He will prompt you and help you to stand if you yield to Him.

1 Cor 6 tells us that sexual sin is a sin against our body in a way no other sin is. The significance of this is that our body belongs to God, He paid a great price to redeem us and we owe it to Him to honor our bodies, His temple, where His Spirit dwells. Sometimes, we really need to sit down and ask ourselves why we uphold and believe in the values that we have, because an understanding will help to erect the right and safe boundaries. If you understand that sexual sin is a destiny destroyer, killer (slow poison) and kingdom inheritance thief, you might want to rethink kissing and fondling each other. I like to say what we won’t eat; we shouldn’t bring it close to our noses. If you know you don’t want to sleep with her yet, why on earth are you fondling her breasts? Another man’s wife (because she’s not yours yet)? Seed time and harvest. Trust becomes an issue when you eventually marry because you believe if she could give it to you while you were still dating; she probably could to anyone else as she doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal.

Engagement is not a pass for sex, the only pass God gives is marriage. Ladies, I believe it is more unto us to help our men. Men are naturally physical beings and tend to ‘burn with passion’, sex they say is a very good way to relieve pressure. We shouldn’t tempt them unnecessarily and put them in helpless positions. I believe that if a man wants to sleep with his girlfriend and she refuses, except he rapes her, there’s nothing he can do. In the way we dress, conduct and compose ourselves, we need to try not to arouse and set our men on ‘fire’ unnecessarily.

Sex alone is not the only spiritual tie that binds the two souls involved. I remember this power night in school, where the invited minister told us about a man that was being oppressed n ruled by a spirit, such that the man was misbehaving and sleeping with anybody and thing. People kept their female relations away from him. Through a prayer session, God revealed that the origin/entrance of the spirit into the man’s life happened through kissing a girl. Unknown to the man, through that contact, she passed that spirit to him. People, be guided. If Christ has set you free, please don’t by yourself put the chains on again.

The bible says that those who find it hard to control themselves should marry, and so, for those of us unmarried, we are expected to control and keep ourselves from sexual sin. If we couldn’t do it, He wouldn’t have said we could. It may be difficult, but His grace helps. Pray. Erect safe boundaries and stick with them. Watch what you take into you through your eyes and ears. His Spirit gives us liberty to do what we want, but we should know that not everything is good for us and we have to REFUSE to let anything have power over us. 1 Cor 6:12. The next time your body is telling you, ‘go and do’, you tell it who THE BOSS is!

Much love.