Saturday, June 26, 2010
ON A STRONG THING LEVEL
You know when you think about a person and you start to get goose pimples, or you see the person and your heart starts to run a marathon, beating so fast and when you hear his/her voice, you just ‘melt’. Your thought usually revolves around that person and he/she can do no wrong. He’s/she’s probably the most wonderful person on earth. You dream about this person, probably saying I do’s, (laughing), and you long to hold this certain someone in your arms and just cuddle, or more. Did I forget to mention that ‘butterflies’ become tenants in your stomach when this person is around you and he/she just gives you ‘the fever’, you know that ‘gish gish’ feeling. You are seriously tripped and on a rollercoaster, life is certainly beautiful.
This ‘strong thing’ is a feeling of attraction. Don’t even begin to mistake it for love. I have heard people say diverse things about two people getting together. Some say to hell with the feelings, what have they got to do with love? Some say the feelings are not that important, what matters is who the person really is; the choice of a partner should not be based on an attraction and a whole lot of stuff.
When a guy sets his sight upon a lady and sets out to woo her, I sometimes wonder why he chose her out of the rest of the pack. I mean he must have had options, but what made him decide it had to be her? Her sense of style? Her personality? Her physique? Her brains? Her aura? Guys you would agree with me that the first thing that attracts you to a woman is usually her outlook, that’s what piques your interest and makes you want to take a closer look. While you are taking a closer look, you might find some qualities you have been searching for in a woman and your heart begins to get involved. May I just say at this point that ‘love at first sight’ don’t mean nothing to me, it doesn’t exist, and that is because you cannot love what you do not know, contrary to what people think, love is a choice, and so I would say it’s more of ‘attraction at first sight’.
A lot of us mistake this feeling of attraction for love and hereby get ourselves all emotionally tangled up. That a man opens the door for you, or takes you out, or buys you roses, sends you romantic texts and gifts does not mean he loves you, when a man has gotten to know your weaknesses and faults and can still say no matter who you are or what you have done he still values you the same, sees you as no lesser than you are and accepts you for who you are unconditionally, then you can say he loves you. Now don’t get me wrong, all the above listed attributes are evidences of his affection and when true love is present, it naturally births giving (For God so loved the world, He GAVE His only son…). So, one of the ways you can know when a man/woman loves you is how much of himself/herself the person gives to you, not necessarily the material things.
Usually, couples are on the ‘strong thing’ level at the initial stage of their relationship, where they haven’t
really gotten to know each other’s character. When individual character begins to find its way out through fronts and facades, then the ‘strong thing’ begins to reduce to nothing. At this point, sometimes, you cannot even phantom what you saw in the person that made you say yes initially.
I would personally say that I wouldn’t dream of going into a relationship with a man I feel nothing for, or who
does not do me a ‘strong thing’. That means that for me to say yes to a man, apart from finding some certain
qualities in him, I must be attracted to him, that’s what sets him apart from the pack. The attraction doesn’t only have to be about his outlook, might be his mind, might be his person, but an attraction is what piques my interest.
While it’s ok to start on a ‘strong thing’ level, it is essential that we outgrow this level as soon as we can, and
be able to control our emotions and feelings. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be consumed and controlled by our feelings and emotions, lest we lose our reasoning. When people say love is blind, I say mine would see. Your feelings alone should never be the reason why you would say yes to a man or ask a lady out. This is because feelings are fleeting; they are subject to the ‘weather’. So, if your relationship is based on just feelings, then preserving it when the distress and disagreements come becomes herculean as your feeling at that time will naturally take up the temperature of distress. But when you back up the feelings with certain unique qualities this person has, shared values, dreams, visions, goals and destinations, then when the differences start showing up, you can go back to your common solid ground and fight it with that.
We also have to be careful how we handle the ‘strong thing’ level so we don’t make mistakes we may regret. Based on the rollercoaster emotions and feelings we might be experiencing, some of us might be carried away and lose self control. You begin to bond unnecessarily, and engage in pre-marital sex. While you are on that level, erect boundaries that would protect you and stick with those boundaries. People say boundaries could be hard to follow, I have worked with boundaries and they have worked for me. Seek God’s help and strength to stay true to your beliefs and values. Avoid tempting scenarios, when you are not going to eat meat, you shouldn’t bother to bring it close to your nose. Flee every APPEARANCE of evil, not evil itself.
I actually believe that even till and in marriage, couples should still do each other ‘strong things’ but at this
stage, they would have gone through a lot together, weathered storms and if and when you and your partner have gone through your differences, disagreements, fights, arguments and distress and you still come out doing each other ‘strong things’, then I would say you have reached your place of stability, ‘a permanent thing’.