Sunday, July 4, 2010
If the word BlackBerry what came to your mind, I wouldn’t be surprised. What is up with the rave on that anyways? Where I am thinking of getting another XpressMusic, most peeps already have their BB or are ‘working’ towards getting theirs. This isn’t about BlackBerry though (not even sure I would know what to write about it). No, this ain’t about Blackberry; it’s about BONDING and BOUNDARIES.
I have often heard people say that it is impossible for a guy and a girl to be very close platonic friends and they wouldn’t have intimate feelings for each other, with time the platonicity (permit me to use that word) will give way to intimacy they say. While this may have its element of truth, I do not totally agree and this is where BB comes in.
Someone once said to me that you tend to develop a likeness for those you pray with and for. This is very true. Have you ever had a male/female prayer buddy you pray with and suddenly you just find yourself developing strong emotions for the person? Or there’s this particular friend you like to pray for and you find yourself drawn to the person? I don’t know about you, but I have experienced both, oh yea, I’m a living witness. Maybe yours has to do with the person you confide in. That friend you love to tell your inner heart to and who understands you like no one does, you know you are just friends yet you find your heart speaking a different language.
In our christain walk, if we live without boundaries and standards, the enemy will easily overcome us. It is like a car with no brake, it might take awhile, but that car will surely crash. Some of us live our lives with no restrictions. We do not even guard our hearts, talk less with diligence. We allow anything and anyone to come into our lives, mess us up and leave. It is difficult to erect boundaries if we do not have a standard or template for our lives. I am talking about principles here. What credos are your values built on? It is important to check why you uphold some values because that would help you stand your ground and hold on to them when they other wisely want to shift. Just like we have restrictions and boundaries in our spiritual walk, we should also have them in our relationships. When you meet someone and get to know the person to an extent, you should ask yourself, ‘how far am I willing to go with this person?’ Defining a relationship is the first step to erecting boundaries.
Bonding, to me is that connection you have and have built over time with someone, that could either be borne out of understanding, or not. It could be on different realms and levels; physical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, sexual, name it. Late pastor Bimbo used to say, ‘no relationship you have or allow leaves you the same way it met you, it either makes or breaks you’. WORD! You cannot be too careful of the influence you allow and the extent of that influence in your life. Bonding could also be a soul tie between two people depending on which type it is. What you don’t know when you have multiple sex partners that you are not married to is that you are giving a piece of yourself to each partner and forming a soul tie with each one. The bible says a man shall leave his parents and CLEAVE to his wife and they shall become one, what the Lord has joined together, no man can put asunder!!! When you have given pieces of yourself out, (except the Lord redeems you) what do you have to offer your spouse when you marry?
We should watch out for how we bond in our relationships. Late pastor Bimbo also used to say that a lady should not have a man as her prayer partner except they are in a relationship. I totally agree. Define your relationships. There is an acceptable way for a couple to behave that is not for platonic friends. If you are not romantically involved with a man, what are you doing on his laps? What are you doing in his room late in the midnight all by yourself? What are you doing getting all snuggly and cuddly? Why would you sleep in each other’s arms and say you are just friends? With benefits? It might seem harmless at first but do not forget that men majorly are physical beings and get moved by what they see and feel. What you will not eat; please do not bring it to your nose to smell!
Some people argue that even when one makes these boundaries, in the heat of the moment, they get broken. This is why I say our boundaries should be erected out of understanding. What might be my boundary line may not necessarily be yours, but we are both trying to guard against the same thing. While some may say boundaries do not work, I stand bold to say boundaries have helped and ‘delivered’ me on many occasions from unnecessary bonding. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying we shouldn’t share bonds with our friends, but we should be careful who we bond with, how we bond and what kind of bond we share. I know of a lady who got so emotionally dependent upon a male friend of hers and this started to cause hitches in her marriage. Never rush any relationship or friendship. Get to know all you possibly can about a person before releasing yourself to the extent that you want to. Many people find it hard to break off unworthy relationships because they feel they’ve given too much of themselves or they don’t want to hurt the different parties involved. Please, be careful how you bond and who you bond with. Some folks cannot pull out of abusive relationships because of the bond(s) they have formed with their abuser. This is why you would hear a lady when her boyfriend batters her say, ‘he is not always like that, he’s not perfect and he always apologizes, besides, I love him too much to leave him’. That lady is in serious shackles. Living in the bondage of wrongly placed emotions.
I would also say that when we make new acquaintances, we should take our time to get to know the person, letting out ourselves bit by bit to guard against forming a bond you might find impossible to break. A lady once met an ex-convict, now converted and who was vibrant in the Lord, or so it seemed. Gradually, they began to spend time together, praying and studying the word. The lady now felt comfortable with the guy and allowed him to pay her visits. There seemed to be an imminent attraction. One day, the guy showed up, raped the lady and made away with her valuables. This is no super story or fable, real life it happened. I pray that the Holy Spirit will guide us in our relationships, lead us to the right people and help us to discern wrong relationships. I enjoin us to try and ensure that in our relationships and dealings, we watch the double B.