Monday, June 21, 2010
Bonnie n Clyde?
I like to study people a lot, sometimes I feel I should have majored in Human Psychology as it comes to me naturally, even in my sub-conscious, and so I know that a person’s personality is influenced by his upbringing, environment and mindset. Our personality is the ‘face’ we present to people, which could be true or false. It’s the way people perceive us, while our character is the true person that we are which is influenced by the values and credos we have imbibed. Three things generally influence or define a person; his temperament, his personality and his character.
I would like you to ask yourself this, ‘what attracts me to a person?’ If you are a lady, ‘what attracts me to a man?’ and vice versa. Do you know what you desire in your man/woman? Do you have it written down? A lot of people don’t even really know what they desire and should look out for in their partners, and so they tend to take any ‘good’ thing that comes their way, though it might not be a God thing! There’s that acceptable will of God for our lives and His perfect will. I don’t know about you, but I want His perfect will for me. If you do not know who you are, then you cannot know who/what kind of person would suit you. If you don’t know where you are going and have not discovered your purpose, you wouldn’t know the right person to take with you to help you get ‘there’ and fulfill your purpose. Some guys ask me out and I say to myself, what exactly was this guy thinking about? We got nothing in common! Yes, opposites attract, like poles repel, this might be true, let’s apply that fact in physics but when it comes to our relationships, there are some areas where like poles just have to attract! There are those core aspects of a person’s life where you need someone with a like mind, else you would be asking for trouble. I mean I cannot imagine myself in a relationship with anyone who doesn’t share my faith, what would be the basis and foundation of the relationship? Sharing it isn’t even all; we have to agree spiritually, with similar or higher beliefs, attitude and commitment to God. If I believe in seeding and tithing and my partner doesn’t; the day I am led to sow all my income would my partner understand and support my decision?
Before you say yes to that man, and before you decide this is the woman you want to be with, you need to ask yourselves a whole lot of questions to find out if you really suit each other and you are not just being delusional. Are you compatible? Do your lives agree or conflict? Are you on the same page spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, morally, socially, academically, and physically? I’m not saying everything has to necessarily be the same, but do you complement each other? Can he live up to your taste and social class or is he trying not to be intimidated? Are your moral values similar? What does he/she consider to be morally right or wrong? Does he challenge your mind? Can she hold her own in a conversation or she’s just comfortable in letting her opinions slide and yours override and you think she’s submissive?
Marriage is a partnership that involves both parties helping each other to achieve purpose and fulfill destiny and to bring forth children unto the Lord. A lot of homes are in turmoil because the couples did not take out time to find out if they were well suited for each other, and so after the whole wedding paparazzi wears off, reality begins to set in and then the rain suddenly stops falling and the vision is sharp. Why don’t you take out time to set the vision now and see clearly. What are those signs you have been ignoring? The institution of marriage cannot be joked with as it will direct the course of your life. Is the person you have decided to entrust your life to worth it? Can you trust him/her to stay true to you and nurture you? Are you sure he/she won’t sabotage your future in his/her interest? Do you agree on issues? How do you resolve conflicts? Is he/she selfish and self- centered?
Stop compromising in the quality of your relationships. Not everybody should have an access to you because of proximity. It is on you to choose who you associate with, because every relationship you allow would either make or mar you. You have to understand that whether you like it or not, the company you keep would influence you, so choose the kind of influence you want in your life. Our life is directed by our choices n decisions. The company of fools shall be destroyed; those who walk with the wise shall be wise; evil communication will always corrupt good manners. I’m not saying we should begin to segregate and judge people, there’s a certain level of relationship we can maintain without letting ourselves be influenced, e.g. our colleagues, business partners, classmates, but where close associations are involved, and you have given these people access to your life, then you need to be sure they would help you get to your destination and not tear you down. Remember, iron sharpeneth iron, copper can’t do that work. If you are gold, be sure you settle for nothing less than gold, even if it takes refining, be sure it is gold!