Oh Lord, I don’t want a good spouse…

Amen! Oh hi, I was just praying, you might wanna say this prayer with me.  You see, when you pray, you should be sure about what you are asking for because God tells us to ask and we would be given, according to the measure of our faith. Many times we do not know what we want and even when we do, we are not specific enough. Now, we know that sometimes we don’t get exactly what we ask God for but He is a faithful father that wouldn’t give stones as bread to His children, He gives the best to His children.

I remember telling a friend about a suitor I had decided not to pursue a relationship with. My friend said, ‘but he is a good guy’ and I replied, ‘I don’t want a good guy!’ A lot of us want good things out of life, a good house, good job, good car, good investment, good clothes and also good spouses. I recently met someone whose slogan is ‘better than good!’ Whenever you ask him how he is doing, he would reply ‘better than good!’ At first I thought he was being a bit dramatic but I realize he was only saying he could do better than ‘good’. I am also saying to you that you can do better ‘good’, you can have the best.

Some ladies would say, ‘I just want a good man’ and the men would also say, ‘Good women are so hard to find’ maybe you should stop looking for the good and focus on the ‘God’.

The recipe for a blissful home is a not a good man/woman, not a church man/woman, not a Christian man/woman but a GOD man/woman; a true Christian man/woman who is given to the word of God and His standards and who is not afraid to go against the norm to please and obey God. A person whose obligation is to God and not man, whose choices are informed by biblical instructions and not the flesh, who would irreversibly love God more than you because that is the only way he/she is going to put your interest above theirs. The average (good) human being is selfish; it’s in the nature of man to seek his own interest but a person given to God will deny his flesh to promote the interest of his/her family. A God-man will be faithful to his wife not because he loves her but because his obligation to God is stronger. Even if he does stray, his conscience calls him back.

A ‘good’ person can be so appealing and tempting, they usually have most of the noble character traits we desire in a spouse- they are nice, caring, ambitious, hardworking, truthful, generous,…….so you see, it’s not about being totally off the deal, a ‘good’ person is a look alike but not the real deal. A ‘good’ person is given to moral standards but over time, I have found this to fail largely because the flesh is still at play and can wreck havoc at any time, in any circumstance whatsoever despite the good intentions of the ‘good’ person but a God-person is given to the control and help of the Holy Spirit to subdue the flesh.

A lot of issues in marriages today can be traced to choices and decisions made in the flesh and rooted in selfishness. If a man is not living up to his responsibility to provide adequately for his family, not because he doesn’t have the means to, the flesh is at play. If a spouse is cheating on the other, the flesh is being gratified, if a woman refuses to submit to her husband, her flesh is getting the attention and if a man cannot love his wife more than himself, his flesh is still very much alive. Like I said, we need to be very specific about what we want in life. I tell people I desire to marry a man who loves me like Christ loves the church. Therefore, a ‘good’ guy just wouldn’t make the deal for me because he wouldn’t understand what that means; a God-man however would because he has allowed himself to be schooled by Christ. It is very important to know what we want and make it plain so we do not settle when we face delays. I don’t know about you but I do not want to settle in Ur like Terah did, I want to be like my father Abraham, I gat my eyes on the Promised Land.

There are so many benefits in waiting for a God-person, especially a God-man. You are sure of a sound spiritual covering; you find it easy to submit to him because you know who influences his choices. You do not have to worry about some things, there is just a peace and calm that radiates from a woman married to a God-man, because he gets it right. I have quite a number of testimonies around me and I can confidently tell you that a God-man/woman is the real deal if you want a beautiful marriage. I remember an experience Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya shared about how her husband who was in a different continent had a dream about death lurking around her. She said she had assumed the position of a corpse and her husband turned her from that position three times in the dream before he woke and began to pray. The next morning, he called to ask about her welfare and happenings around and was informed that their neighbour three houses away died overnight.  Tell me that is coincidence? A prayer warrior as a husband is better than a handsome prince!

Our choices and decisions will shape our future hence we need to make choices in the context of the future we want, however in the choosing a marital partner, it is also important that we be the choices we want. If you desire a particular kind of person, you also need to work at being that kind of person. If you want a God-man/woman, you need to be a God-person as you will attract exactly the same kind of person you are, do not be deceived for God cannot be mocked. You get to decide what your future will be, you get to choose who to spend the rest of your life with, you can do better than ‘good’, you can have the best!

Mo’ Omoregee 2012