‘When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child, but when I grew up, I put away childish things’. When I got to this part of 1 Cor 13 which I was studying awhile ago, I paused and then got to thinking about the childish things I was yet to put away. You know there are some behavior patterns we find cute when displayed by a child but there is nothing cute about a childish adult.
Maturity is a state of being mature- to be fully developed in body or mind, as a person. Being completed, perfected or elaborated in full by the mind is another way to understand maturity. Maturity is usually synonymous to adulthood, children are not expected to be mature but adults sure are. Certain things are restricted and termed ‘for adults’ because it is believed that this set of people are fully equipped and have the wherewithal to handle the exposure/challenge/information to be received. Children have restricted and censored information passed across to them, as they grow and approach certain ages and stages, the required and relevant information and knowledge is released to them. Now, some children especially the inquisitive ones find out stuff they are not supposed to at a certain age and pending on how they get the info, they tend to misuse it and make mistakes because they are not equipped to handle such info at that stage. We should watch what we expose children to but at the same time strike a balance by providing the right information they need when they are ripe for it so they don’t seek out these vital information by themselves and end up getting misinformed.
Maturity doesn’t depend on age but they are not mutually exclusive. Usually, with age comes maturity, as we grow older, we are supposed to become better, wiser, stronger in body and mind……we are supposed to mature just like the older the wine, the finer it is, so it should be with humans but alas, this is not always so. I find some children to be more mature than certain adults and I stop to wonder what influences our maturity? Well, here’s what I think: background, upbringing, exposure to knowledge and experiences, the zeal to learn, quality of education and some other factors can influence and determine our level of maturity.
I also find that some people resist growing up and just want to stay in the comfort zone of being a child……..even at a ripe age of 30! You see, with growing up comes lots of responsibilities that some adults are not willing to face and hence we are presented with irresponsible adults in the society. May I say responsibility is not just about being able to pay the bills or bring home the bacon but also involves being capable of making some vital decisions that will affect certain lives involved in good judgment and selflessly. Oh, I’m talking about maturity in relationships and marriage now.
A child has no business being in a relationship or getting married, oh no this is solely for the mature. A person who doesn’t understand what responsibility is all about shouldn’t be walking down the aisle or standing at one end of it, heck they shouldn’t even be in a relationship. When a ‘child’ marries another ‘child’, they gonna birth chaos. There are certain roles that God has stipulated in a marriage, if we are not mature enough to fully occupy and play these roles, we shouldn’t even consider getting married. A man who has no job or business venture or investment or source of income has no business taking a wife, how on earth is he going to provide for her? When a man takes a woman away from her parents, he better be able to take care of her. Are you a man easily given to anger and you destroy when overcome by anger? You should check that before you think about buying a ring please. A man that cannot stand his ground against external influence and manipulation in the affairs of his home has absolutely no business getting married. The man shall LEAVE and CLEAVE to his wife. When a man is easily influenced by what people have to say and especially has to seek his parents/family approval for choices and decisions in his home, that man should please stay single. We can seek counsel and advice from people but ultimately, our decisions should be solely ours and consideration should be given to the people involved and affected by the decision. Can you as a man make selfless decisions that are not governed around your interest alone….to perhaps massage your ego? There was a situation recently whereby a man told his fiancée she couldn’t pursue a career and should be a stay-at-home mum. Now that isn’t such a bad thing but it was discovered that this decision stemmed from insecurity and a warped sense of submission influenced by the man’s father. The guy believed that for him to be a man and have control of his home, the woman had to be stripped of every form of personal ambition and focus on him and the home. Don’t be appalled, for real; there are people who think like that.
A man is the head of the home and ultimately gives the final verdict on the affairs of the home. He should be a man of sound judgment protecting the interest of his family……his immediate family. Call me extreme but I believe a man that cannot protect his wife from his family and friends but just leaves her to the mercy of their judgment and criticism should also not think about getting married. If his wife has faults, I believe it should be handled between them and God, not by the third party. Why is he called the cover? Christ did not castigate the church and she was not without blemish. He didn’t leave her to the wolves and the Sadducees. He stood, fought, pleaded and avenged her case. A man who cannot cover his family (in prayers especially) shouldn’t be proposing to a woman for of what use is a house without its roof?
Likewise, a woman who cannot control her emotions has no business accepting a man’s ring. I say this because it is a given that women are quite emotional and there is a tendency to be controlled by these emotions some of them negative. ‘A wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman allows her emotions control her actions and her mouth’…..Mo’s version. Can she spend time to invest in her husband and support him? Can she sacrifice some of her personal dreams and aspirations for her family? Let’s get real y’all, I hear you career woman, I know I want to be one but while it is possible to be both….wife n CEO, the more important of the two is family and when it gets to that point that certain sacrifices have to be made to uphold the interest of the family, can you make the sacrifice? If you know that career comes before family for you, please don’t say ‘I do’, ‘cos you don’t. A woman builds the home, shapes it and sets the tempo and melody, she has the first opportunity to influence the child and shape his mind set……are you set to do a fine job?
Are you a woman who has absolutely no skill in the kitchen and home maintenance? Who is gonna take care of your home, the servants? These people are there to help not take over, a woman should coordinate every aspect of her household as the scripture says, ‘she carefully watches everything in her household’. Can you encourage, pray for, care for and truly love a man even when he is not living up to his responsibility or treating you right? I believe an answer to this will probably help check divorce rates, remember it’s supposed to be ‘for better, for worse’.
Brethren, while marriage is an important phase in an individual’s life and it is a beautiful thing to be married, when it is ventured into without proper preparation and I aint talking about the wedding, it brings poor performance. There are way too many people out there who in the strict sense are not ready to be married but are popping rings and squealing ‘Yes, I’ll marry you’. In my reflection, I identified some childish things I am yet to put away and with God on my side, I’m gonna work on them. Do you have some childish things to put away as well? Please work on them now before you tie the knot for marriage is for the mature and not pikins (kids).