Stop the Pain, NOT Your Life! 1

'Life has a way of bringing hard times that can mess with your peace of mind, but don't let the troubles on the outside take the love you have on the inside....' 

Each time I listen to Deitrick Haddon sing those words, I nod in total agreement that life sometimes can feel like all hell let loose on you and you are so down and strung out because you cant seem to figure a way out. I will be sharing a story that has encouraged me and taught me a thing or two about how to get up and back on the horse when life knocks me down. It is inevitable that we would get the ugly part of life, we would go through trials, storms, tests, tribulation BUT we can be victorious and come out stronger and better if we set out to be. This is told by one who has been there..............................

When a lot of people go through pain, life’s issues, life’s challenges, they oftentimes do not know how to deal with the pain or go about it. Sometimes the pain is so heart wrenching and cuts so deep that they become numb and estranged to themselves. Sometimes it is cloudy and biting, and all it wants to make one do is go drinking, go have sex, go on a wild dancing spree or generally do something crazy like take out the feeling of pain on someone or something or even generally indulge one’s emotions by snapping at people, eating junk, going on a spending spree and not caring how much you spend and generally losing every sense of care and caution!

Usually, in most cases, people around can’t even help because they do not appreciate what one is going through. This often brings a feeling of loneliness which makes one feel worse especially when these people from whom love, understanding and comfort are expected turn round to condemn and even avoid. Some people do not know how to handle these feelings and so begin to contemplate suicide.  Are the options mentioned above really the best way to deal with pain, or are they the only ways to deal with the pain…do people really have to take out their frustrations this way? Are these the only ways to have a clean cut breakthrough out of the pain? Could this be the only way to get closure on the past? Trust me, the answer is NO!

Let me share my personal experience with you and how I became BETTER, STRONGER, and WISER with it!

I am a young, born-again, spirit-filled, beautiful, purposeful, gainfully-employed lady but my marriage just ended in a divorce court! Did that sound funny? Well, it happened. I lost a marriage that I had invested about 4/5 years of my youthful life into. Like every other marriage, we had issues but I was sure things could and would get better but the marriage came to a point where it couldn’t go on anymore…things just got too complicated and unfortunately, the marriage had to be dissolved in court!

Much more than the issues we had in the marriage which were hurting enough, the dissolution hit me deep, it ate into my very soul and it cost me my sleep for several weeks. Going through that whole experience wasn’t fun for me at all, I felt like doing all the things I mentioned above: indulging my emotions by going on a wild alcohol spree, having random sex, eating a whole house down, slapping and screaming down the next person that would dare ask me what happened and all sorts of confusing emotions were constantly raging at my heart. At that time, it was an ordeal I never would have imagined I would go through. I remember finishing a whole bucket of ice-cream in a sitting (please don’t open your eyes wide in surprise, I look back, and I am amazed myself), I also remember finishing a whole pack of cornflakes, golden morn, several bars of chocolates, a tin of Milo plus regular food all in two (2) days! Thank God I did not loose my shape like I had lost every sense of right judgment; I also had to deal with low self-esteem. My situation made me feel ugly and insecure from within. This made me almost fall prey into the arms of a friend of mine. He was so kind and gentle towards me, at that time, he was my rock and he helped me a lot when I needed a friend, he always covered my tracks so well for me, he became my best pal. It took God for me not to have sex with him; it was a tough one, but all thanks to God I overcame…whew!  

All these feelings I felt were beyond the surface, they ran deep and I am grateful to God who did not leave me or give up on me. He saw me through it all, and even when I fell, He caught me right on time! During this time that I was feeling all these conflicting emotions, I knew deep down in my spirit that giving in to my emotions would only make matters worse, and not better, but even at that, wisdom was not wise to me at all, and I was ready to damn every consequence but… Yes, there was a “BUT” and it was the only thing that kept ringing in my head and kept me from and in check that I did not go overboard: ACCOUNTABILITY!

There are lessons that I learnt during this phase of my life which I would like to share:

Lesson One: No matter how much it seems that no one understands you or feels your pain, NEVER TRY TO GO THROUGH PAIN ALONE!

James 5: 14-15 says “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven”. Friends, the prayer of the elders also works for the sick in heart. Maximize your spiritual elders/leaders.

Also, Eccl. 4:9-10 says that “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor, for if they fall, one will lift up his companion, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to lift him up”. This scripture encourages you to have someone that can hold you up, even when you are down. I strongly believe that one of the major reasons why I didn’t completely go wild and loose, was because even when I couldn’t pray for myself, I had people praying for me and so I was not alone. I had people who were lifting me up in prayers especially my pastors and some of my friends. These people are very dear to me now and I am sure God will reward them bountifully!

Thank God I had an established relationship with the people above and on the same level with me in life with whom I was and stayed open during the whole ordeal. This was my first stage of RECOVERY which was going on even when it seemed things were going from bad to worse. 

To be continued...........