Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Attracted BUT committed………..




I love to shop but usually my company at such times don’t like me very much: D. Well, can’t blame ‘em…………I leave ‘em eyez rolling, feet stamping n head shaking…..hehehehe. This is because I am an extremely choosy person n usually it takes a long while before I make a choice. You see, I like to sample all options available to be sure I am getting the best that there is…….good value for my money. Then after narrowing down my options comes the herculean task of choosing the winner. It is not an easy feat you see, because just when I think I have finally made a choice, I notice something in another shop that makes me second guess my first choice. This is why I like to have company when I shop…..a second opinion helps even if I wear ‘em out n leave ‘em tired n spent *smiles*

Variety is the spice of life. The fact that you n I like different things makes it all interesting. What I decide is fabulous may be crap to you but the beauty of it is…….it’s my choice, I get to live with it n so I get a say….it’s my call. And so when you make choices and decisions, it is imperative that the focus is on you- your ideologies, your values, your desire, your dream, your vision, your life. Never make decisions to please anyone- not your parents, nor your pastor, nor your friends, not even your ego. We need to realize that after all is said and done, we get to live with our choices…..so you best be choosing right. Note though, it is wise to honour people in making decisions, but it shouldn’t be focused on them…..if you understand what I mean.

So, say I purchase a bag n somehow two days later, I just find it distasteful or I notice a new arrival which looks fierce n seems to have my name on it. Now, my budget is tight but I can’t live with my first purchase, not after seeing the new looker…so, what do I do? For some shops, I could return n buy the new catch or I sell to someone and buy the other with the money from the sales. Either ways, I can get rid of my first buy…….I’m not stuck with it…..great innit?
It’s interesting though…..have you noticed? That the moment you make a purchase, you begin to see other options you feel you should have gone for, other items become more attractive and you start to feel like you didn’t buy right. You get home n you are unhappy with the items in the bag. When I feel this way, I literarily have to encourage myself n say Mo’ you made a good choice gal. You took your eyes to the market. Then I get my ‘company’ to affirm that I made a good choice so I can breathe easy n enjoy my new buy.

Have you noticed that just when you decide to take that step to commit to a relationship and a person…….you suddenly begin to notice other options that seem very attractive n like a better deal? You feel you should have been more patient in choosing, especially if you had to choose from quite a number of options. Especially after you have been together for awhile……say 2/3 years, and are probably having issues or some distress…….you suddenly get the notion that you can do better n hey! You probably can……..but, how sure are you?

Illusions, delusions, fantasy. Very sweet but when the chips are down, not pretty at all. ‘ The proof of the pudding lies in the eating’………what if you can’t eat this pudding before buying, then what…..what do you do? How do you stay strong, firm and true to your choice without betraying trust?
I see this happen a lot around me. A guy/gal is in a relationship, committed to another but cannot seem to stop thinking about that colleague or that one you met at the retreat, business meeting, club who seems to really understand you and connect with you. You have a rewarding relationship yet you find yourself drawn to another n it seems like a better deal….you begin to think, I can do better, this is more like ‘it’, this is what I need and then you decide to switch…..but, just before you do, take a minute to consider some odds.

Unfortunately, this aint a bag, dress, shoe or college application. You are dealing with a human being with feelings and emotions, in a situation that can direct the course of your life. The ish is, many a times its all an appearance…..it seems like the new option is the way to go, but then you have to ask yourself why you made your first choice initially? You need to go back to the foundation of your choice. What influenced it? What guided it? Upon what was it based? What were your convictions? What made him/her stand out? The answers to these questions will help you see clearly. They will remind you about the genesis of your choice. The truth is, there are always options, but understanding our values which influence our choices will help us stick to n honour them. What’s more, when you have a word- a revealed conviction about your choice, it helps to stick to it against all odds and distractions.

For how long shall you switch? So, when the next ‘real deal’ comes along, you move again? How rewarding is that? Hey guys, I love you but errrrrrr this is peculiar to you. The good book agrees with me- Mal 2: 12-15. You can’t seem to get enough of the babes. You want to keep your commitment yet pursue other attractions and you don’t expect friction? You have a steady babe whom you intend to marry but you make room for some side shows…….you gotta be a man right? Where is trust? Why is it called commitment? It’s natural to be attracted to other people, that’s not a crime but what you do with that attraction is the clause. Not all attractions are meant to be pursued, have some self control. The real strength of a man is in his ability to stick to one woman and not cause a lot to ‘trip’. Manage your attractions, control them.

It’s ok to get tired of your relationship. It’s ok to meet someone else you prefer. It’s ok to want a change; at least you haven’t made a marriage covenant yet. There’s no crime in all these, but do what you have to do honorably. People are not items that get swapped on a whim. If you want someone else, end it with the first one and move on. If you are tired and you want a change, do the right thing. Your commitment makes you unreachable to other prospects, that’s why it’s called a commitment!!! Perhaps I’m old school, maybe I’m just too opinionated, whatever……all I’m saying is, if you are committed to another, pray honour it and treat that person with the respect they deserve, like you would want yourself treated. If you wanna pursue other attractions, end your commitment and let it live to its name. When people think they can eat their cake n have it, they end up having no cake at all.  While you are committed, its ok to be attracted to other options, but oh so not ok to pursue n explore them. My ten kobo! :D



Muchos lovos!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is right on point Mo'. The problem we have in this our age is most babes(and guys) wanna eat their cake and have it. very few know what it means to be actually 'committed'. they just profess it but don't act it.

Mwajim Al said...

I agree with you. Unfortunately, the human appetite is insatiable because we are fallen creatures. Hence why faithfulness is a gift. It's only in being confident and satisfied with our choice and might I add, satisfied in Him, that we can keep our eyes from roaming outside. Afterall, we are commanded not to covet!

LadyNgo said...

The grass is always greener on the other side, abi

I think that before anyone ends a relationship, whether they plan on doing so honorably or not, they should actually sit down and consider why it is they are leaving. Some reasons are superficial and trivial and in the end will leave you making a bad decision. And there's nothing worse than leaving "mr. right" for "mr. wrong" and then not being able to get "mr. right" back.

Omoregee said...

@Anonymous......Really, the concept of commitment has been redefined n it makes me wonder what keeps the relationship special. Tx for reading :)

@Mwajim.......true, satisfaction is key because there will always be other options.....we need to learn to be content. Tx!

@LadyNgo........I agree with u! Really, when we compare, we usually end up either dissatisfied or pompous.....this is why it is advisable not to compare ourselves with others. Sometimes tho, we find ourselves in situations or with people that don't do so well for us e.g a woman-beater, drunkard and then we meet other people who treat us with the respect we deserve. At this point, yearning n going for the better option is wisdom, but only when you let go of the other commitment. Tx for reading :)

Ibhade said...

....must we taste everything we like?..... it might look pleasant to the eyes, delicious to the tongue but bitter as it goes down the throat and poisonous to the body.

yes! i agree with you..as humans we can be attracted to someone but not necessarily having an affair with them...listen, men think their fiancees or wives don't get attracted to other men as they do to other women...it boils down to CONTROL AND DISCIPLINE which MANY men lack! They want to eat their cake and still have it...& end up 'CONSTIPATED!'

@ilola said...

Am so pissed. I lost my comment

As I said, we will always meet people that are more attractive and seeming better than our partners, we are all human.
Many people get deceived by the 80-20 rule. A partner has 80% but lacks 20% and we find that missing 20% in someone else. We feel that person is better and a breath of fresh air. We then switch over, only to start regreting later when we find out that the second person has only 20% and wonder why we left in the first place.
The truth is that its not that the person was better than the partner, it is because the person had the 20% that the partner lacked, that was why the person seemed more attractive.
This is the 80-20 illusion that has been making people to make mistakes. Niways, I wish most people are wiser sha

Okeoghene said...

I agree with @ilola. And just like Lady Ngo said the grass seems greener on the other side. It is best to look deeply into the reason why you started the relationship in the first place, if there is really a need to move on, do it honorably.

On a lighter note, I am very sure I will not like shopping with you. You just described how my mom shops and I remember not enjoying doing the back to school shopping with her back in the day. But I think you guys always get a get a good deal

HoneyDame said...

How I missed this, I still dont know. This is soo on point! I love your perspectives on issues Omoregee, as in..too on point! This was me a while ago though. It took some reading,soul searching and praying (among other things) to get me to this point where I have made peace with myself.
All the people who have commented have done justice to this. The grass always seem greener on the other side, but the key word there is "seem"! Lawd help us!

Omoregee said...

I do apologise for this late response to comments, thank you for taking out time to comment. Muah!


@Madam IB.......Lol! I couldnt agree with u more....Tx ma'am!

@ilola........aww, sorry about losing your comment n thank you for taking time to comment again. The famous 80-20 rule! So true......

@Okeoghene.............hehehehehe, yes o, it is the way to get a good deal! Tx :)

@HD.......awww, tx sis! May God really really help us to know the 'seeming' from the reality.

Afronuts said...

I feel its only greed and discontentment that can make a person start craving after another person outside his or her relationship.
I've learnt one thing...even if you marry the most beautiful person you ever met, you will still meet someone else you think could be better. Problem is even if you jump onto that person, you will still meet anoda that's presumably better.
Its a vicious cycle...and it only happens to people who cant make up their mind to be content!

Muse Origins said...

This post is so so true! You're a really good writer

Adiya
Muse Origins

HoneyDame said...

MAdam..haba~!!! why noow? Since september!!!
Now is a good time to update o!!! and don't even try to hide. I saw you on temiville...
lol..
Oya, mbok, update...:*

Omoregee said...

Owww HD! I feel soooooo busted! Lol! I'm so sorry, I cant apologize enough for being MIA here......lots of reasons, but that's about to change......I mean that.

Thanks dearie.....cheers!

Dee1 said...

I think the key thing Mo's pulled out here is sitting down & analysing introspectively you made that purchase in the 1st place, once ur able to do that, when these 'situations' arises, you only need a double-check-back with ur shopping buddy to confirm/reconnect,which leads us to the question,how 'quality' is the opinion you get from your 'shopping buddies'?... I'm sure Mo' can write on that one!! ;) Feyi

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