MOTIVES; I remember that movie, do you? Shemar Moore was such a douche, thought he had it going on smooth and all, living the life and just throwing his weight around; wanting to eat his cake and have it (seriously, we all need to let it sink in that the moment we pop that ‘cake’ in, we say bye- bye). His childhood friend was a man on a mission; with a vision. You see, that sort of man is relentless and sometimes dangerous because he would do whatever it takes, in however long it takes to achieve his mission. His vision makes sure of that.
Okay, I’m not doing a recap or analogy of the movie. I just want us to wrap our heads around that word, motive- the reason(s) why we do the things we do. Sometimes, we do certain things out of reflex and cannot really explain why we did it. We just feel it’s the normal or right thingy to do, our gut tells us so. It may turn out to be for our good or we just may end up shooting ourselves in the leg. Either ways, we are responsible for our actions and decisions and so I believe that it’s very expedient that we are careful to look before we leap, as the old saying goes; whoever came up with that was genius! Perhaps the LOOK should be in blocks, italicized and underlined to give it its full credence. It means, shine your eyes, well well! So let’s get back to motives, ‘why do I do the things I do/ why do I want to do this?’ Do we pause to take this quiz before we act? This homework might save us some wrong moves if we devote time to it. Understanding is vital, key. ‘Wisdom is principal, but in all thy getting, get understanding’.
When it comes to choosing a partner, we all have a picture of the ‘ideal’ person we want. Mr. /Missy Right. We make a whole list of the diehard and wavy virtues. Now, here comes this person who has say 70-80% of what we want but when we really look at it, the vital part is missing. So, what should we do? Give it a try and hope we can get the person to change and be who we want them to be or just let it go and hope the next one would have those core qualities? Someone once said that I am too picky and choosy and all I have to do is find a guy who really loves me and I can make him to be who I want. It was stunning and unsettling to know that this kind of belief system exists. I have met guys that I really liked and would have wanted to start a relationship with but some vitals were just not in place and they were non negotiables. I admit, I did toy with the idea of the possibility of inculcating those vitals in them, no, scratch that, I tried but the whole experience was frustrating and emotionally draining, not at all worth it.
I don’t know where we get the impression that we can ‘change’ a man from. I think it might be easier to take a bull by its horns than change a man, especially if he is fully grown and set in his ways. Who is man to think he has the power to change his fellow being? Sweetie, we can only try, but if homeboy doesn’t see the light, he aint gonna be different. Change is more than just a switch, it is divine; it takes willingness, work, courage and discipline but most of all, a higher power to make a change because it is easier to stay in our comfort zone, at least we are sure of what that holds for us. How many times have we tried to stop or overcome a bad destructive habit but still find ourselves entangled in its web, chained down and unable to break free?
Moe meets Max, Moe is sold out to God, Max isn’t really that much into God but he has all the other qualities Moe desires in a man; handsome, dashing, caring, intelligent, polished, interesting, kind, generous and thoughtful- Max personified. So, Moe’s brain calculator comes on and she’s trying to do the math on how she can get Max to get serious with God, so they can get it going on. Bingo! I know. I would, ‘let my light so shine before Max that he might see he needs Jesus and come running unto Him’. Sounds like a plan, but to do that she had to be close to him, you see proximity brings about influence and that’s why we should watch those we allow come close to us; dating him seemed the only way. So, Moe sets about her missionary work, on a mission to spread the gospel which seems like the right thing to do. What Moe forgot to consider was that she had developed feelings for Max and her emotions were already running riot. Need I say her vision was beclouded? Well, Max saw that the only way he had a shot with Moe was to become a Jesus freak and he said to himself, ‘I can do that, as long as it gets me to the ‘promised land’. So, Max fakes it, uses Moe and dumps her. Where did she go wrong? She was only carrying out ‘The Great Commission’, or not.
Can we get real? Ok! I know He said, ‘go ye into the world and spread the gospel’ but I believe He also said, ‘wisdom is profitable unto man to direct’. Maybe Moe should have introduced Max to Brother Paul and she just may have seen how authentic Max was. Do not get me wrong. I am not saying we do not have the power of influence to make a person want to be different, but that’s all we gat. The actual change is up to that person. If the need and willingness to make a change isn’t there, we might just as well be wasting our time. Missionary dating is not a smart move because most times, emotions get in the way and because the other person sees how much we need them to be what they are not, they do what they gotta do to get what they want, whether genuine or not. Most times, there always is a casualty, some fingers get burnt. I think it’s high time we learn to first of all accept people for who they really are without pressurizing them to conform to who we want them to be. I am not saying people cannot change, change is definitely not overrated and I am a living witness to that, but my point is let him/her make that change willingly, don’t force it.
We all have our thresholds and what we can tolerate. This is what I think we should do, ask you, ‘can I cope with this person the way he/she is?’ We don’t have to like everything about the person but the weaknesses and missing vitals, if we were to start a relationship, can we cope with and without them? Can I accept this person for who he/she is right now?
We should also understand that I don’t mean refining and all, sometimes, we are in our raw potential state and it takes some people to bring out the gold in us, our relationships should rub off on us and make us better people. I’m talking about our desire to want to mold that guy/gal into our Mr./ Missy right when they obviously are not.
‘Who is he that sets out to build a house but does not first consider its cost?’ Bring the balance out. Weigh it. Strengths vs Weaknesses, reality check now. Can I handle those weaknesses, overlook and accept them? Perhaps yours may not seem like a missionary thingy, but that chic whom you have your eyes on and is so set and fine but cannot cook jack and you know you don’t play with your stomach; is it going to be an issue or you can overlook it, you berra ask somebody.
One of the best things about humans is our ability to change and transform into entirely new beings, a beautiful gift, very powerful phenomenon but it takes a whole lot to make it happen. I believe in sharing knowledge and what I believe to be right hoping someone would see the light and take a stand, but I’m not on a mission to save the world, I think Jesus already had that one covered. We can only try but where matters of the heart is concerned, it might be in our best interest to just talk the talk and hand it over The One who can make the change happen.