Thursday, October 28, 2010

Let him do the chase!

My phone beeps and I feel like I’m about to see a movie; this is because my message tone is the 20th Century Fox track, you know that one you hear just before the movie starts. Well, it got me thinking about the 20th century and all that has come with it; technology, modernization, information, communication, health, energy, family, fashion, education- wise. The jet age, life made easy. I think about the times when we had to go to NITEL to make international calls and now I just sit in my room and call my peeps miles away, times when it took about 3-4 days to register for a new school session, now all I have to do is go online and I’m done in a couple of hours. Innovation, development, growth, enlightenment-all the goodies the 20th century ushered in.

Well, naturally, the 20th century and relationships crossed my mind; how they used to do it ‘back in them days’ and how we roll now. The era of arranged marriages, where the groom doesn’t meet his bride until their wedding; the ‘good’ old days when a woman’s honor had to be proved by a certain red flag; the times when the man goes to work and the woman handles the home front, don’t you just love the 20th century? I mean nowadays, no one really cares if he marries a virgin or not, it’s no more a criteria to prove a woman is honorable, or is it? And a woman has equal right and say in the home because she makes the paper too and has it going on, yeah? Plus, a dude and chic can totally hook up randomly, thank God for facebook, the best ‘hook–up tool’ ever! Hmmmn.

This 20th century thingy has given many a parent white hair before their time, especially if they have to deal with teenagers; poor momma screaming to tear her son off play station to help out a little and pops going bananas when he walks in and finds ‘little’ Lucy making out with her boyfy. ‘Lighten up dad, we were JUST making out’. He he, now pops really gonna blow.

Ok, now don’t me wrong, I ain’t against the 20th century, I completely root for it; go jet age! Whoo! It’s done more good for me than harm, more pros than cons, however, my concern lies with the principles and values we allow to slip away while we blame it on the 20th century; the morals. Did the advent of the 20th century steal our ability to do things right?

My peeps and I were having girl talk awhile ago and someone shared about a person she knew who was madly, head over heels, going bananas in love with this guy, but he wasn’t making a move…..ooh ohh. So what should girlfriend do? Did I hear you say go after the guy? Ask him out? Well, that’s what she did! She made the first move. Told the guy she was feeling him and all that and they got it going on. He would come to her room, spend time with her, she would cook for him and shower him with care and attention. Then, dude calls her one day and asks for a break up and a week after that, he’s seeing another girl. Should I tell you what was learnt from the snoop? Boy didn’t really like the girl, sure he found her attractive but he wasn’t really into her and that’s why he didn’t make a move but when missy couldn’t hold out any more, and ‘toasted’ him, he was flattered and since he wasn’t hooked at that time, what could it hurt? So, he agreed, to buy time till he found the one he was looking for, and when he did, he bounced. That’s not all, the snoop also revealed from a reliable source that he said and I paraphrase, ‘I really do not appreciate a woman coming after me, if I want her, I want to do the chase’. This guy fall my hand o. Callous isn’t he?

Now, before we get all judgmental, I really wouldn’t blame the dude. I’m not saying he was right but I wouldn’t put it all on him, Missy should have listened to mama. Oh yeah. When mama said, go to school, read your books and become responsible and made then boys would follow, mama knew what she was about. I’m not anti dating in school, nah, that’s not what I mean; I’m up about the fact that it is a man’s GOD ordained position and calling to DO THE CHASE! You heard ladies! So, you think it’s cool to ask a guy out? I really should do a status check about that pretty soon, so my girls would know what guys really think.

A man knows and wants what he wants! It is in a man’s nature to conquer. It gives him a helluva of satisfaction to run after something and get it; it’s like winning a lottery. He’s proud of himself and he cherishes his ‘loot’ like crazy, that’s why they don’t give up easily. Now, here you come wanting to suck the joy and accomplishment out of that. Even if a guy likes you and intends to ask you out and you go ahead to make the first move, sweetheart, he might act thrilled, tripped and all, but he ain’t really cool with it, trust me. If a guy really wants you, he would come after you. That he hasn’t right now even when all the signs that he loves you are there tells you he’s thinking ‘the investment’ over; he wants to be sure you would be the right move and a worthwhile chase and if he doesn’t come after you, he’s just not that into you honey, period.

I wish a lot of ladies would save themselves heartbreaks and heartaches by letting some certain things take the natural course, even the bible says ‘He that findeth a wife…..’ That tells you, he does the finding; you just position yourself such that you would be found. Do what you gotta do to be found. A perfect example of this is Ruth in the bible. Now, we all have different analogies of this story, but I pondered on it and I realized that Ruth did not woo/chase Boaz, I don’t think she did. I think she merely positioned herself to be found. Now check, Boaz was already checking Ruth out and doing things to make her know he could take care of her, but he didn’t make a move because he wasn’t in the right position to and wasn’t sure how it would be taken. Ruth wasn’t even thinking about Boaz in that way but smart and matchmaking mother Naomi saw prospects and awoke Ruth from her slumber and taught her how to POSITION herself. Naomi did not teach Ruth to ask Boaz out. So, when Ruth handled her business, Boaz did the right thing and married her honorably.

Ladies, all we gotta do is know how to handle our business. If that guy you are ‘dying’ for is not noticing you, perhaps it’s because you don’t have what he is looking for. Work on yourself, get a life! Get busy; add value to yourself and the people around you. Be filled with genuine love and spread it. Show him all the good qualities you got without being unnecessarily suggestive. Let this not be said at the end of it all, ‘I didn’t really want this, you forced the relationship’, yeah, I’ve heard that before. Let it be glaring, without reasonable doubt that he sought you out and asked for you, make him work for it baby, you’re too loaded to come across as cheap. Protect your respect and self esteem; save yourself from humiliation and heartbreak, like my friend’s friend should have done. Don’t give his friends something to laugh about. I’m not saying play hard to get, that’s not good, what I’m saying is, let him do the asking. If he wants you, he’ll come after you, shy or not. For real. If a guy is too shy to chase the woman of his dreams, then you probably should think twice about that guy sweetie, put that radar on big time, he’s probably like that with some other vital things. It’s ok to like a guy and position yourself to let him know you are available, but puhhhleeeze, do not ask him out. Call me old fashioned or whatever, I’ve heard and seen enough to know that ‘the gospel according to ladies asking guys out’ just don’t pay! Ladies, just get busy doing your thing; sit pretty and let him work for it, let him DO THE CHASE!

P.s – This is just my honest opinion and isn’t necessarily ‘the standard’ it is subject to any counter argument. So, please, let me learn from you.

Much love.


Imisi said...

The 20th century and all its ill. Heck! As the turn of the century approached, I remember thinking "damn. now these young lads have an excuse to be loose". Things weren't quite so "free" back in my our days. Lol!

Omoregee said...

Lol! Right, Imisi, im sure u were shaking ur head n just reflecting on dem days.......u know those days when u hadn't even probably found ur way into mommy's tummy.....hehehe. Thanks for reading o :)

Olumide said...

Just like Isaac, some guys are simply not wired to do any chasing (a ready example comes to my mind :) ). My advice is if you are a girl and you like a guy who isn't talking (and you are sure he is interested in you), try investigating to find out why. It may be that he has been jilted before and wants to thread carefully. It might also be that he is afraid of hearing a 'no'. Again, it could be the way you've reacted to some other guys he knows. No one likes to be embarassed. If you happen to be the type who needs a century to 'hear from God' or believes that the only way to know if a guy really likes you is by first scaring him away with a series of insulting negative responses, don't be surprised if he doesn't come.

Personally, I can't ask any girl until I can determine the response with a good degree of accuracy. Unfortunately, so many girls are always in a hurry. They end up missing the guys worth waiting for.

Omoregee said...

Hmmn, Olumide,this is an interesting perspective.

It is true no one likes to be embarrassed hence, some hesitate but what is the worst that could happen? So, you get a no...that's not the end of the world. It only means you probably should keep looking. I like to relate this to haggling prices in the market. The seller decides if she can sell at the offered price or not. If not, the buyer walks away and moves to another. Heck, life itself is about taking risks, that should not stop a guy from going after any Lady he likes/ least you can say you tried. A lady who is insulting for being asked out is misguided and that should be a pointer to the guy. All she needs to say is no, as nicely n firmly as possible.

The fear of rejection or defeat I believe shouldn't hold a man back from going after his object of affection.......

Olumide said...

Re-read the last part of the post. Well balanced, I guess. The Ruth example really stuck out. She positioned herself properly. Never said a word, yet she was saying a lot.

I don't really understand girls, but I do understand business. As a businessman, I can't invest in something that has a 50 percent chance of success. I consider that to be a gamble no matter how profitable it could be. I would rather watch out carefully for something with a much higher chance of success, say like 80 percent. Both ways, I'm still taking a risk. But with one, I'm much less likely to get hypertension. I'm also more likely to have sustainable wealth that way.

What I'm trying to say is that I can't just go for a girl with the thinking that the worst is a 'no'. Believe me, for a guy like me who rarely thinks in such directions, it's an emotionally exerting process to actually allow myself to fall in love. So, getting a 'no' may not be that simple. (Once bitten...) I can't respect a girl who 'toasts' me. But I can't ask someone who has not in some way demonstated that she is likely to say yes.

By the way, I'm quite abnormal, as you must have seen.

Daughter of Her King said...

At Omoregee I agree with you on each level.. I am a living witness that has had a fair share of the both experiences that women should let the guy do the chase. Sha, I will be elaborating on some personal experiences on my blog too...

Sha am glad this lady has learnt and will share with other girls too.

Omoregee said...

@DoHK......*hi5! I so look forward to learning from your personal experiences...Tx :)

olajumoke said...

@ Omoregee, i perfectly agree with ur opinion and it seems the best. the act of 'toasting' is not our duty. Allowing the guy will afford opportunity of knowing so many things like how he can handle situations, how bold is he and to a little extent how he will value and protect u. @ olumide, u r funny, dont tell me u r trying to play safe, well is not bad sha but dont always wait for green light. all the same, nice work. Omoregee, thumbs up

Related Posts with Thumbnails