'If you don't define yourself for yourself, you will be crunched into people's fantasies and eaten alive' - Audre Lorde.
Everybody likes Chris. He is that guy that has a smile for everyone; upbeat, friendly and sweet. Boredom becomes a myth whenever Chris is around, one dose of him and you just keep going back for more.
Enter James; think mousy and you think James, keen, quiet and sensitive. He is that guy that walks into the room unnoticed. He yearns to have many friends like Chris does but people just don't seem to enjoy his company. You see, James' secret desire is to be Chris, to have all that attention, popularity and charismatic. So he decides to study Chris' MO and replicate. Determined, he sets on his mission but as the days go by, he finds himself spent, tired and depressed. He feels like a square peg struggling to fit into a round hole. Chris made it look so easy that James can't believe all the effort he is having to expend................
Back in the day, I was James but not because I lacked friends or wasn't popular. I was James, the girl who wanted to be who/what was approved and accepted. I cared so much about what people thought about me...enough to deny my true self just so I could fit into the acceptable status quo. My backbone seemed to be on vacation in those days, getting tanned on a beach leaving me hanging in my needy times. I didn't know how to draw the line between what I really wanted and what people would have me be. This James lived in fear, the fear of disapproval and being an outcast. LOL! I laugh now because this James so wasn't built to blend in, ooh how silly I was to have lusted after man's approval. At that time, the truth eluded me, the reality that human approval is erratic and dynamic and that I really could do without.
If only James would accept his true self and harness his qualities. If only James would stop comparing himself with Chris. If only James spent all that time and effort focusing on his strengths, he might observe that even though he is 'Jerry' on the outside, his mind is all 'Tom'. Perhaps, James would sense that his personality gives him the template to do certain things, to handle certain positions....to reach certain people.
Can I get real? People will ALWAYS have an opinion but you gotta listen to Madea when she says, 'honey, it ain't what they call you, its what you answer to'. In a perfect world, people would learn to accept others for who they are but we all know the world wherein we exist is flawed.
Hitherto, you cannot afford to define yourself based on what people say/feel about you. The cost of sacrificing who God created you to be on the altar of who people would have you be is enormous. You are an answer to a question, a solution to a problem and you are just right for purpose. Even if you do need to be fixed, The One who made you has you on lock down.
We need to stop comparing ourselves with others, its unwise and a recipe for frustration. It is foolhardy to compare two very different things that were created for very different purposes....to what end? Imagine that the Sun compared itself to the Moon and decided it was time to become like it? What if the Root felt the Leaves were getting all the attention and decided it had just about had enough of being 'behind the scene'? We can't all have our names on neon signs or flashing across bill boards, some of us were meant to be behind the curtain holding up the props but you better recognise that you are just as important as the actor on the stage. Without your input, the show couldn't come on. Perhaps, if we remembered who the real Superstar is, we really wouldn't mind playing the background.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this James has grown. Nowadays, I couldn't give a rat's ass (pardon my French) about what the majority think; keeping up would be a real task because those opinions continually change, pointing to ConfusionVilla.com. There are some people whose opinions can INFLUENCE me but that number is in the minority and they are selective. After spending considerable time in that prison, someone expects me to put those shackles back on? Uh uh, MaryMary would take back my 'Thankful' cd plus Jesus didn’t die for that.
Love changed it all, I found love and my lover got to work on me. He unscrewed the default wacky job and replaced it with a Kingdom compliant version. I stopped seeing myself through the world's lens and learnt to see myself through His eyes. I learnt that he who didn't create me has no right to tell me how to be. I finally recognized that if I wanted to have a fulfilling life, I needed to stop looking to humans for validation and to focus on being the best of myself.
Perhaps you are unrefined gold but it doesn't change the fact that you are gold. You will shine when you recognise that even though gold and diamonds are precious stones, they are very different and it is ok to be different!
Know who you are. Own who you are. Embrace who you are. Then become who God made you to be.
'Do not conform to people's expectations of you but let God transform you by changing how you think' - Romans 12:2
Mo' Omoregee 2014