Let's talk about Finances

Ok, I’m gonna really try so this isn’t a long post; help me Jesus, work this miracle J

‘Money isn’t everything but make sure you make enough before you can say that’. Those are the words captioned in a picture on my phone. Surely, with the present economy and demands of day-to-day living, I do not need to qualify the importance of financial stability and buoyancy. The business of living cannot be achieved without meeting some needs, and even the basic ones require a medium of exchange which is mostly money. So, while money may not be ‘everything’ and we shouldn’t be controlled by it; living without money can be a herculean task.

I can get the figures and statistics but all you have to do is take a closer look around you and you will find that finances is a major score to settle in marriages. Responsibilities abound and if they are not met, frustration and conflict tend to set in. Praise George said, ‘poverty will frustrate love until it fades away’ and I am inclined to agree with him. In the span of two weeks, some of the occurrences I have experienced reinforce the importance of Financial Agreement in a marriage and there was no way I was gonna rest until I shared it on here, so let’s muse together shall we?

I still cannot find the answer to this question a lady asked on a group I belong to on Facebook: why do most men get offended when their wives ask about how they spend money? Apparently, some men believe that if they make the money, they have a right to spend it as they please and are not to be held accountable to their spouse nor God. That kind of brother shouldn’t have bothered to get married. In marriage, I believe the ‘my’ is traded for the ‘our’; it’s no more ‘my money’ but ‘our money’ because how money is spent affects the entire family. Can two walk together except they agree? It’s not a cliché, agreement and compatibility in finances is imperative. This is an area that should be thoroughly addressed BEFORE saying ‘I do’.

Where there is unity and agreement, there is progress. This is not about financial affluence or lack but about compatibility and met expectations. Who is gonna pay which bill? Who is responsible for what? What amount of money do we spend on feeding and monthly groceries? What standard of living do we want? How often do we go on vacations? Do we run a joint account or contribute a certain percentage of our incomes monthly? What percentage of our incomes goes to what? Who does what? Talk about it and settle it before signing the certificate. There is no one size that fits all and it really depends on the two individuals involved but there is a predestined way that God has ordained things and if you want His blessings and a marriage like he created it to be, you best be doing it His way. Please click here

In view of the post provided through the link, the importance of a woman’s role in a marriage is in no way undermined, Proverbs 31 y’all! Both man and woman have significant roles to play in the success of a marriage but where finances are concerned, the man’s role is more prominent and this is why the focus is on the men. Nowadays, a lot of marriages have mixed up these God ordained roles and responsibilities. The woman plays the husband’s role while the man becomes the wife and we wonder why the divorce rate is competing favourably with Mount Everest.

Having established the importance of finances in a marriage and the responsibility of the man to provide for his home, the onus lies of the two individuals coming together as man and wife to set the pace they want. Financial Compatibility, Financial Intelligence/Wisdom, Financial Accountability, value for money, attitude towards money, background, standard of living are some of the factors to be considered. A lady from a wealthy home may marry a guy from an average background if they have an agreement. Can the guy meet up to the standard the lady is accustomed to or is the lady willing to sacrifice and learn to live in a more meager way? In my experience, people are usually aiming for financial increase and not decrease but where there is an agreement, things tend to run better.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a woman shouldering the family finances when situations arise and the man cannot, this is why she is a helpmeet BUT it is NOT the woman’s responsibility to provide for the home and such a situation shouldn’t be for too long. I am an advocate of a professional career woman who earns an income and contributes to the family finances, what I however do not subscribe to is a situation where this is considered her responsibility. No one wants to marry a liability and it is advisable for women to also earn and contribute to the finances in the home; this not only boosts the purse of the family but also provides an enabling and supportive environment. The clause is when the man becomes comfortable with the woman taking care of all the financial responsibility in the home. I have seen and heard enough to know that NO WOMAN is happy carrying the financial responsibility in the home but if you know one who is, I am willing to meet her. A man is naturally a provider and takes pride in his ability to cater for his home; it is the way it is.

The clause here is compatibility; don’t be unequally yoked with someone who doesn’t share your orientation about money and finances: someone who considers taking vacations a waste of money while you think otherwise, someone who doesn’t have financial intelligence but wants to control the money, and someone who gambles and invests on whims, the list is endless. Money can be the root of evil only when we allow it to be. Money shouldn’t control a man and so it is important that we understand its workings and do the needful to avoid financial conflicts in marriage. I am not saying there won’t be money issues in marriage but it shouldn’t threaten it. If you are in doubt about how money can indeed end a marriage, I leave you with this real occurrence Praise George shared:

Jide and Sharon (not real names) were in love and set to marry each other. Jide was an upcoming artist who was finding his feet and thus didn’t have a regular income flow while Sharon who is from a wealthy home had a fabulous job with a fabulous income. They sought counsel from him and he advised Jide to wait till he had a regular source of income before marrying Sharon who was accustomed to having the fine things of life, so he could provide them for her. They allayed his concerns explaining that Sharon’s income was enough to take care of their financial needs until Jide found his feet. Two years into marriage, they divorced. Jide’s business did not boom and Sharon got tired of ‘wearing the pants’ in the home, she felt she even did better as a single than when married. Need I say more? Nah #nuff said!

Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Meet Omoregee’s Man

Hi peoples! So, I really try to keep my personals off here and strictly focus on the vision that birthed Fountain Flows but I’m doing this for a number of people who have been bugging me for ‘that list’, you know that one with the qualities Omoregee’s man must possess. Well, I am sorry to burst your bubbles but there is NO LIST, just some qualities that I consider essential.

What I will be sharing stems from a message Myles Munroe shared and it has roots in Genesis 2. Emphasis is on the man because of his God-given position as the head of the home and the example here is from the first marriage (Adam n Eve), we can see a set order (Eden) in the way God brought Eve to Adam.

When God created Adam, He put him in His presence (Eden); that’s the very first thing God did for Adam, not a woman, not a job but His presence and so if a man doesn’t carry the presence of God, he really shouldn’t be thinking about marriage. Harsh? Well, don’t look at me like that, read your bible! If you want God’s approval, then you have to do it His way. If a man isn’t in the presence of God, I ain’t even looking at Him.

Moving on, the second thing God did for Adam is in Genesis 2:15, pray allow me spell it: W-O-R-K. God gave Adam work before a woman. A man needs to work before he gets a woman. In my opinion, what you do with your work will show how well you can care for a woman. God gave Adam the garden to TEND and KEEP….. that’s to CULTIVATE. It means to bring out the best in everything around you.  PLEASE NOTE: God only said this to the male (Adam). The man was ordained to be the provider for his family. Brothers, what you get out of something is directly proportional to the amount of effort and commitment you are willing to put into it, it’s a principle. What you want from your woman is based on what you are determined to do about it. The male was created by God to cultivate his wife and help her to be the best she could ever be. I am NOT a feminist, this is the way God planned it, and it is what it is.  Look what Jesus did with the church; He took out every blemish, wrinkle, washed her and then presented her to Himself, of course He was mighty pleased with the result! Omoregee desires a man who can bring her to the very best of herself, someone who is secure enough in himself to seek her best interests and won’t be threatened by her success. A man who wouldn’t impede her growth but will help her fulfill purpose and maximize her potentials.

Now after His presence, work and cultivation, God also told Adam to GUARD the garden, everything under His care. A man should guard and protect his woman, provide both spiritual and physical covering for her. Omoregee doesn’t want a man who leaves her to the mercy of influences and opinions. A man who will make his wife priority in his decisions is one in whom I am well pleased :D

Then God gave Adam His WORD: ‘Do not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil’. Now a lot of people like to blame Eve for the downfall of man but she wasn’t even there when God gave Adam this Word! Can I get a man who knows, WORKS and WALKS the word?! Thank you, I’ll take that please! I cannot over emphasize the importance of a man being in position as the spiritual priest of his household, protecting and covering his home in the spiritual realm.

So, when God put the male in His presence, gave him work, had him cultivating, guarding and tending and also obeying His word, He then decided that it wasn’t good for THAT man to be alone, then he introduced him to the woman. So, until a man is doing all of the above, it is good for him to be ALONE, he has no business getting married. Now, if you have beef with that statement, please talk it out with the God, I am just the flow bearer yo! :D

Of course, these are not the only qualities I look out for but these are the ones I consider deal breakers. No, it is not a figment of my imagination, men who possess all of these and more exist and I know a number of them. So, if this is the kind of man you desire, don’t be discouraged, they may be in the minority but they are out there. Don’t let nobody tell you different and convince you to settle; what will work for Jill ain’t gonna cut it for Sarah because they are different and so are their destinations. For a journey set before you, you need to get the appropriate ‘ride’ that will get you there, in top condition.

So now that you’ve met Omoregee’s man, what do you think? J

 

Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Your emotions will get the memo…..eventually

Alert: Long post but worth every sentence you read…..I think *wink*

So, here I am at this mall *window shopping* and then I spot this really cute footwear. Now, knowing how unique my stature is and how my size is hard to come by (yea, really unique things come in small packages *wink*), I am sorely tempted to make the purchase. Then the deliberation begins; I remember the ones I have sitting in my rack back home yet to be worn, the stuff I just bought last week and how I promised myself I needed a purchase leave. But the slippers seemed to have my name on it and I could hear it whispering, saying ‘you know how good I can make you look’. Then I imagine myself stepping out in it, complete with the right outfit and accessories (smh). That was my undoing, for the slippers made it home with me, oh and two other outfits as well.

Ok, who was I deceiving? I was on a purchase leave, yet, I went ‘window shopping’ and took my credit card along. I set myself up and no, my bank account wasn’t pleased with me. I knew further purchase wasn’t the best for me at that time, it really wasn’t what I needed and I shouldn’t have done it, but I damned the consequences and did it anywayz…..setting back my budget and hurting my finances.

‘Guard your heart with all diligence for it will direct the course of your life’. Even in the mundane things, in every decision and choice, our hearts are involved. Whatever will manifest in your life must first of all take root in your heart, if it’s not implanted there, it won’t last. The heart is the staying strength that provides stability and firmness; stability in values, principles and character. This is why the instruction about guarding our hearts is pertinent, because just as it requires quite some effort to uproot a firmly rooted tree from the soil, so it is to uproot destructive habits and relationships from your heart and life. You can cut the stump but if the root is still there, it’s just gonna grow right back. To successfully deal with issues, we have to get to the root and get it out, only then would it cease to re-occur. See, what you know in your head cannot be compared to the knowledge that wells from your heart because that feedback has taken time to process, grow and re-produce.

I have come to learn that my heart and head have a relationship going on…..took awhile before they let me in on it though. Sometimes, they are in sync and other times, they have a beef. At these times, they usually wear me out and I find myself in a referee position, trying to decide who wins the tussle in that instance. I really think they should put up that facebook status sometimes, ‘it’s complicated’. Heart is trying to gain the upper hand, head isn’t having it and at the end of the day, I am just exasperated because really, they should be working together…..for my good.

Here’s how it works for me; when I learn something new, get a new revelation or insight, my head is usually the first to catch on, not always but usually. In trying to process and pass the new information to a fertile ground where it can grow and produce fruit (my heart), some things try to block it. They come in different forms: fear, unbelief, doubt, insecurity, low self-esteem, etc.  – all emotions. If I haven’t erected the right barricade, these unwanted guests will come in to choke the new seed/word/info I just obtained and suck the life out of it rendering it powerless. However, if it indeed can gain root in my heart and grow, it would produce tremendous changes in my life.

The spirit that governs a man’s life influences the state of his heart and the quality of his life. Even God deals with us based on the state and meditation of our hearts and this depicts just how important the heart is and in no way undermines it. However, there are times when the heart can weak, slow or stubborn in accepting what is right and true and these are the times when leading your heart is more expedient than following it, I'm just saying you are the boss of what you lead, not what you follow so stop ‘following your heart’.

You know that you should let that guy go because he keeps abusing your emotions but you can’t seem to find the strength because your heart is weak and hurt. Your head is harping on the fact that you deserve better than a woman who manipulates you just for her gain but you are too entranced with her physical beauty and the sex you are getting. Yes, you know you deserve better, you hear it, you have the knowledge but you can’t seem to find the strength to make the change. Here’s what I propose……how about you do what you KNOW to be right, true and just and then deal with the emotions that come up after? How about you let the knowledge you have make the decision for you this time and then allow your emotions to catch up with it? It may take awhile and involve some healing process but I can guarantee that your emotions will eventually come into sync with your heart.

Choices made sentimentally or emotionally cannot be compared with a knowledge based decision. If you ask me, I’d say the choice of who you get to spend the rest of your life with should be made based on what you know and not what you feel. I find that I can be so emotionally involved with someone and possibly ‘in love’ but if there is an ish that presents incompatibility, I promptly let go. I ain’t gonna front and say it ain’t hard but perhaps because I know how important my choices are, especially this type of choice, I do what I need to do, what is best for me knowing my heart will eventually be fine. 

Knowing isn't good enough, we have to apply the knowledge we have to experience true victory in our lives. You have the knowledge in your head, but you require the will that only comes from your heart to make it happen. Don’t wait for your feelings to get the memo, you do what you gat to do and it would eventually catch up, it wouldn't have a choice.

Mo’ Omoregee 2013

That Men Would Submit to their Wives……

Now, I know seeing this header, a number of men are just about ready to take me apart and grind the parts…let me save you the hassle by informing you that I strongly agree that a wife must submit to her husband as her head, so please erase the enemy line drawn, I am in your camp :)

People who love to cook and especially those who do it professionally know the importance of having a recipe that suits your purpose and following that recipe to the last detail. Just two pinches of salt above the recommended and the taste may not be the same. A recipe is so important that it can become a family tradition passed on to generations after generations and kept secret! Have you ever asked a friend what stunts she pulls to get her pie/cake/cocktail to taste the way it does and the best she can do for you is offer to make you some? Or she considers for awhile and says, ‘it’s a family secret…..if I told you, I’d have to kill you’. I’m telling you, you best be running for your dear life, she ain’t playing……there’s a 0.0000000000000001% probability she will include poison in that recipe, statisticians would agree with me that you don’t ignore that kind of percentage, it means something! Let it be known now that I did warn you (yes, yes, I’m kidding of course!).

So, there is a recipe for just about everything: a recipe for food, a recipe for living, recipe for failure and of course, a recipe for marriage. We all know God is generous and wouldn’t withhold His own recipes and when it comes to marriage, He freely passed it down, nothing held back. (See Ephesians 5: 21-33). It’s important not to put the cart before the horse when following a recipe, there’s no way you are adding the vegetable before the palm oil and you expect the soup to come out looking crispy and green and tasting like mama’s……you should have followed her recipe just the way she told you to if you wanted to get your soup to look and taste like hers. When God says we should forgive before praying, that order wasn’t a mistake. When He said to have friends, you need to first of all show yourself friendly; it was and is the right pattern.

We love to take out the things that suit us in God’s word and then kick the ones that aint so palatable to the curb. Sadly, every word, every single instruction, no matter how irrelevant and minute we consider it to be counts with the maker. There’s no taking one and leaving the other….I read Matthew 5 recently and when it got to the part that says calling someone an idiot brings you to judgment, I had to pause, reality check. It’s so easy to be focused on avoiding the ‘big sins’ but those little things we tend to ignore are not necessarily little with God. To walk with God, we cannot ignore order and detail, there is a due process to attract a particular reward and there are certain details involved in that process.

Almost everyone I know desires a happy, fruitful, blissful and rewarding marriage. We want it to go all the way, to be successful in it, to bear fruit and achieve purpose…..yes, every marriage should have a purpose, gist for another day. Now, the husband is the head of the wife and the home but sadly, only few men really understand what that means. Leadership is a position of service and intense responsibility, not lordship and tyranny. The recipe for a Godly and successful marriage is depicted in the relationship between Christ and the Church: Husbands, love your wives……wives, respect and submit to your husbands. I have seen examples of how this process works and I must say, it works mighty fine for the people who really, truly understand it. What I do find interesting though is that just before this instruction was given, there is a clause, ‘and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’. Then after the instruction, there is another interesting sentence and it says, ‘a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife and the two are united into one’. I believe these sentences hold as much importance as the other ones we tend to focus more on…..the ones about submission and loving.

No, I don’t hate men, no, I’m not a feminist and no, I’m not biased…..the basis of my emphasis is what God himself has said. As much as it the prerogative of the wife to fully submit to her husband and respect him, as off as it may sound, the husband should also be willing to submit to his wife. Husband and wife should submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. How? I’m glad you asked!

·         By genuinely loving her like Christ loved the church. He submitted himself for the redemption of the church even unto death. A man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself!

·         By listening to her and respecting her opinion and input, you may not agree with it but genuinely consider her stance. Just because the husband is the head doesn’t mean it always has to be his way or the highway, it can be a blessing to sometimes listen to your wife and take her advice.

·         Husbands should communicate and discuss with their wives before taking decisions….both major and minor ones. Again, eventually, your decision may hold but communication helps you share your innermost thoughts and fosters some understanding.

·         Give himself to nurture, serve and grow his wife.

·         Make her the number one reference point in his choices and decisions, not his mama, not his siblings, not his work, nor his pleasures. A man can submit to his wife by making her a priority consideration in his actions.

Perhaps you wouldn't term the above as submission, maybe you would use another vocabulary; all I'm saying is: respect should be mutual and not one-sided. It's not right that the husband expects unreserved respect and the wife is denied the respect due to her. That kind of arrangement ain’t gonna cook up success. Let both husband and wife submit to one another out of reverence for Christ and this institution called marriage would be a better place for its students.

Mo’ Omoregee 2013

Caution: This is a very opinionated post. What I’m gonna be sharing here is my opinion, it’s not the law neither is it what is universally acceptable but it is what I consider right. Let’s see if you agree with my reasoning. If you disagree, be free to share your view and perhaps we can learn one or two things.

It is often said that a man’s meat could be the other’s poison. That saying spells the diversified interest of humans. I always say that if God had created everyone the same way with the same interests, reasoning and approach to issues, oh, what boredom we would have to live with. The entire population that spans the earth cuts across different nations, tribes, belief systems, cultures, languages and habits that all contribute to the beauty of existence. It’s interesting how siblings can grow up with the same measure of instructions, teachings and discipline and still turn out differently with totally different personalities. I mean when I am going on and on about the newest animated movie, my sister just stares at me like I have suddenly grown horns. 

When we make choices, sometimes they are poor, perhaps because we didn't know better and immaturity was at play or we allowed sentiments and emotions get ahead and threw reasoning to the back seat. The average human being has made poor choices at one point in life, a poor choice in friends, a poor career choice, poor institution choice, poor house choice. It is comforting to know that some of these choices can be rectified but a poor spousal choice can be the beginning of the end. Little wonder so much is being said about how important it is to choose right and choose well when it comes to a marital partner. Our choices and decisions in life can either make or mar not just the future but everything we have worked for.

So, you meet someone and decide to date/court…..along the way, you discover some issues that present incompatibility, perhaps you alone can see those issues, perhaps its mutual. Any hoo, the relationship ends and you go your separate ways, having moved on to other people or maybe not. Fast forward a year or two, a very good friend of yours wants you to meet his/her intended and it turns out to be your Ex. Then comes this feeling of betrayal, because you feel your friend who knew your history with this person shouldn't have gone ahead with the relationship and even if they didn't know you dated your Ex at a point, you just cannot be happy for them, just because……?

This issue has caused a lot of rifts and cracks in beautiful friendships so much that I need to talk about it because I just don’t get it; maybe someone can explain it to me? Is it the level of familiarity that makes it unacceptable or perhaps because you have shared a lot of secrets with this friend? Or is it because of the circumstances that led to the break up and the fact that it wasn't you who ended it? Could it be that you have some regrets and wishful thinking, still hanging on and cannot let go? Really, I want to understand why it feels so much like back stabbing when a friend gets involved with an ex, and this is especially common with ladies. Why does it feel like you still own an Ex and nobody in your network is allowed to have access to him/her?

I sought the opinions of a couple of friends on this dicey topic and the disparity was quite interesting. While some would feel a great sense of betrayal if a friend dated their ex, some others just couldn't be bothered, matter of fact, a couple have been known to introduce close friends to their ex because they felt they would be compatible. Some wouldn't feel uncomfortable about it if they have moved on to other relationships while some outrageously think it is ungodly for a friend to date their ex (I think God is amused, no?)

Am I wrong to say maturity is a factor here? Isn't it petty and somewhat arrogant to try to control who your friend can date/court? Is it perhaps a mistake your Ex met you before your friend and just because they couldn't be happy with you, they have no chance with your friend? I think we need to get ‘born again’ in our thinking and leave emotions and sentiments behind.

Here’s where my opinionated self will be butting in:  There is a reason why an Ex is an Ex, not necessarily because the person is bad but because both of you are not meant to be together. I do not see a reason why a friend is banned from dating your Ex, especially if they were not aware of your relationship and even if they know, I don’t think it is right to sit upon another person’s chance at finding the right one. It just so happens that you know each other but really if you have truly moved on from that Ex, there shouldn't be hard feelings about who dates them, albeit your friend or even a sibling. Perhaps because your friend loves you a whole lot, he/she could seek your blessing/approval before they go ahead with the relationship but sweetie, really, they are not obligated to bend towards whatever sentiments you may have. It’s not like you were double crossed and had the person snatched from you, you were done and over before your friend came along.

As long as there was clearly no emotional attachment between them while your relationship with the ex lasted and your ex didn't cheat on you with your friend……you were well done and over before they became involved, why are you losing sleep? I just don’t get it! Your friend does the needful and informs you about his/her intention, all you owe that friend is your advice. Hopefully your reasons why they shouldn't be together are genuine and not borne out of jealousy and ill feelings. People, live and let live. Some people do not get it right in relationships the first, second, third time. Along the way, they meet someone they truly gel and can be happy with……alas! This someone is an ex’s friend, should that be the end? Don’t be the Philistine to their Israel, don’t be a party pooper or show stopper, if you think they wouldn't work, offer your advice and let them make their decision……you are not God!

I understand there are situations that can make having an ex close messy, maybe it reminds you of a past you would rather forget, perhaps it is irritating to share a former sexual partner with your friend, perhaps the break up hurt you so much and you can’t get over the bitterness and its possible you still have feelings for your Ex. We do need to protect ourselves and guard our hearts, so share your reservations with your friend and let them make a decision, DO NOT THREATEN THEM. The truth is your friend is not obligated to accommodate your misgivings because he/she also has to protect his/her interest but there can be an understanding borne out of love. Just because I love my friend so much and I cherish the friendship and can understand how my relationship with that Ex would alienate her (reasonably so), I can decide not to pursue it, but this decision is solely mine and not my friend’s.

I am a girl but I have not been one to follow the ‘girl code’ and this is because I don’t believe in rules, I follow only principles. I don’t let what some people have decided to be acceptable control my world; God’s standards are my words to live by. We need understanding in what all we do, we can’t just follow rules blindly because the situations are not usually the same. People can reason together to reach a decision that works for all parties but when all is said and done, each individual is responsible for his/her choice and no one has any right to control it, even God doesn't  He gives us our free will.

Mo’ Omoregee 2012

Oh Lord, I don’t want a good spouse…

Amen! Oh hi, I was just praying, you might wanna say this prayer with me.  You see, when you pray, you should be sure about what you are asking for because God tells us to ask and we would be given, according to the measure of our faith. Many times we do not know what we want and even when we do, we are not specific enough. Now, we know that sometimes we don’t get exactly what we ask God for but He is a faithful father that wouldn’t give stones as bread to His children, He gives the best to His children.

I remember telling a friend about a suitor I had decided not to pursue a relationship with. My friend said, ‘but he is a good guy’ and I replied, ‘I don’t want a good guy!’ A lot of us want good things out of life, a good house, good job, good car, good investment, good clothes and also good spouses. I recently met someone whose slogan is ‘better than good!’ Whenever you ask him how he is doing, he would reply ‘better than good!’ At first I thought he was being a bit dramatic but I realize he was only saying he could do better than ‘good’. I am also saying to you that you can do better ‘good’, you can have the best.

Some ladies would say, ‘I just want a good man’ and the men would also say, ‘Good women are so hard to find’ maybe you should stop looking for the good and focus on the ‘God’.

The recipe for a blissful home is a not a good man/woman, not a church man/woman, not a Christian man/woman but a GOD man/woman; a true Christian man/woman who is given to the word of God and His standards and who is not afraid to go against the norm to please and obey God. A person whose obligation is to God and not man, whose choices are informed by biblical instructions and not the flesh, who would irreversibly love God more than you because that is the only way he/she is going to put your interest above theirs. The average (good) human being is selfish; it’s in the nature of man to seek his own interest but a person given to God will deny his flesh to promote the interest of his/her family. A God-man will be faithful to his wife not because he loves her but because his obligation to God is stronger. Even if he does stray, his conscience calls him back.

A ‘good’ person can be so appealing and tempting, they usually have most of the noble character traits we desire in a spouse- they are nice, caring, ambitious, hardworking, truthful, generous,…….so you see, it’s not about being totally off the deal, a ‘good’ person is a look alike but not the real deal. A ‘good’ person is given to moral standards but over time, I have found this to fail largely because the flesh is still at play and can wreck havoc at any time, in any circumstance whatsoever despite the good intentions of the ‘good’ person but a God-person is given to the control and help of the Holy Spirit to subdue the flesh.

A lot of issues in marriages today can be traced to choices and decisions made in the flesh and rooted in selfishness. If a man is not living up to his responsibility to provide adequately for his family, not because he doesn’t have the means to, the flesh is at play. If a spouse is cheating on the other, the flesh is being gratified, if a woman refuses to submit to her husband, her flesh is getting the attention and if a man cannot love his wife more than himself, his flesh is still very much alive. Like I said, we need to be very specific about what we want in life. I tell people I desire to marry a man who loves me like Christ loves the church. Therefore, a ‘good’ guy just wouldn’t make the deal for me because he wouldn’t understand what that means; a God-man however would because he has allowed himself to be schooled by Christ. It is very important to know what we want and make it plain so we do not settle when we face delays. I don’t know about you but I do not want to settle in Ur like Terah did, I want to be like my father Abraham, I gat my eyes on the Promised Land.

There are so many benefits in waiting for a God-person, especially a God-man. You are sure of a sound spiritual covering; you find it easy to submit to him because you know who influences his choices. You do not have to worry about some things, there is just a peace and calm that radiates from a woman married to a God-man, because he gets it right. I have quite a number of testimonies around me and I can confidently tell you that a God-man/woman is the real deal if you want a beautiful marriage. I remember an experience Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya shared about how her husband who was in a different continent had a dream about death lurking around her. She said she had assumed the position of a corpse and her husband turned her from that position three times in the dream before he woke and began to pray. The next morning, he called to ask about her welfare and happenings around and was informed that their neighbour three houses away died overnight.  Tell me that is coincidence? A prayer warrior as a husband is better than a handsome prince!

Our choices and decisions will shape our future hence we need to make choices in the context of the future we want, however in the choosing a marital partner, it is also important that we be the choices we want. If you desire a particular kind of person, you also need to work at being that kind of person. If you want a God-man/woman, you need to be a God-person as you will attract exactly the same kind of person you are, do not be deceived for God cannot be mocked. You get to decide what your future will be, you get to choose who to spend the rest of your life with, you can do better than ‘good’, you can have the best!

Mo’ Omoregee 2012

For the mature......

‘When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child, but when I grew up, I put away childish things’. When I got to this part of 1 Cor 13 which I was studying awhile ago, I paused and then got to thinking about the childish things I was yet to put away. You know there are some behavior patterns we find cute when displayed by a child but there is nothing cute about a childish adult.

Maturity is a state of being mature- to be fully developed in body or mind, as a person. Being completed, perfected or elaborated in full by the mind is another way to understand maturity. Maturity is usually synonymous to adulthood, children are not expected to be mature but adults sure are. Certain things are restricted and termed ‘for adults’ because it is believed that this set of people are fully equipped and have the wherewithal to handle the exposure/challenge/information to be received. Children have restricted and censored information passed across to them, as they grow and approach certain ages and stages, the required and relevant information and knowledge is released to them. Now, some children especially the inquisitive ones find out stuff they are not supposed to at a certain age and pending on how they get the info, they tend to misuse it and make mistakes because they are not equipped to handle such info at that stage. We should watch what we expose children to but at the same time strike a balance by providing the right information they need when they are ripe for it so they don’t seek out these vital information by themselves and end up getting misinformed.

Maturity doesn’t depend on age but they are not mutually exclusive. Usually, with age comes maturity, as we grow older, we are supposed to become better, wiser, stronger in body and mind……we are supposed to mature just like the older the wine, the finer it is, so it should be with humans but alas, this is not always so. I find some children to be more mature than certain adults and I stop to wonder what influences our maturity? Well, here’s what I think: background, upbringing, exposure to knowledge and experiences, the zeal to learn, quality of education and some other factors can influence and determine our level of maturity.

I also find that some people resist growing up and just want to stay in the comfort zone of being a child……..even at a ripe age of 30! You see, with growing up comes lots of responsibilities that some adults are not willing to face and hence we are presented with irresponsible adults in the society. May I say responsibility is not just about being able to pay the bills or bring home the bacon but also involves being capable of making some vital decisions that will affect certain lives involved in good judgment and selflessly. Oh, I’m talking about maturity in relationships and marriage now.

A child has no business being in a relationship or getting married, oh no this is solely for the mature. A person who doesn’t understand what responsibility is all about shouldn’t be walking down the aisle or standing at one end of it, heck they shouldn’t even be in a relationship. When a ‘child’ marries another ‘child’, they gonna birth chaos. There are certain roles that God has stipulated in a marriage, if we are not mature enough to fully occupy and play these roles, we shouldn’t even consider getting married. A man who has no job or business venture or investment or source of income has no business taking a wife, how on earth is he going to provide for her? When a man takes a woman away from her parents, he better be able to take care of her. Are you a man easily given to anger and you destroy when overcome by anger? You should check that before you think about buying a ring please. A man that cannot stand his ground against external influence and manipulation in the affairs of his home has absolutely no business getting married. The man shall LEAVE and CLEAVE to his wife. When a man is easily influenced by what people have to say and especially has to seek his parents/family approval for choices and decisions in his home, that man should please stay single. We can seek counsel and advice from people but ultimately, our decisions should be solely ours and consideration should be given to the people involved and affected by the decision. Can you as a man make selfless decisions that are not governed around your interest alone….to perhaps massage your ego? There was a situation recently whereby a man told his fiancée she couldn’t pursue a career and should be a stay-at-home mum. Now that isn’t such a bad thing but it was discovered that this decision stemmed from insecurity and a warped sense of submission influenced by the man’s father. The guy believed that for him to be a man and have control of his home, the woman had to be stripped of every form of personal ambition and focus on him and the home. Don’t be appalled, for real; there are people who think like that.

A man is the head of the home and ultimately gives the final verdict on the affairs of the home. He should be a man of sound judgment protecting the interest of his family……his immediate family. Call me extreme but I believe a man that cannot protect his wife from his family and friends but just leaves her to the mercy of their judgment and criticism should also not think about getting married. If his wife has faults, I believe it should be handled between them and God, not by the third party. Why is he called the cover? Christ did not castigate the church and she was not without blemish. He didn’t leave her to the wolves and the Sadducees. He stood, fought, pleaded and avenged her case. A man who cannot cover his family (in prayers especially) shouldn’t be proposing to a woman for of what use is a house without its roof?

Likewise, a woman who cannot control her emotions has no business accepting a man’s ring. I say this because it is a given that women are quite emotional and there is a tendency to be controlled by these emotions some of them negative. ‘A wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman allows her emotions control her actions and her mouth’…..Mo’s version. Can she spend time to invest in her husband and support him? Can she sacrifice some of her personal dreams and aspirations for her family? Let’s get real y’all, I hear you career woman, I know I want to be one but while it is possible to be both….wife n CEO, the more important of the two is family and when it gets to that point that certain sacrifices have to be made to uphold the interest of the family, can you make the sacrifice? If you know that career comes before family for you, please don’t say ‘I do’, ‘cos you don’t. A woman builds the home, shapes it and sets the tempo and melody, she has the first opportunity to influence the child and shape his mind set……are you set to do a fine job?

Are you a woman who has absolutely no skill in the kitchen and home maintenance? Who is gonna take care of your home, the servants? These people are there to help not take over, a woman should coordinate every aspect of her household as the scripture says, ‘she carefully watches everything in her household’. Can you encourage, pray for, care for and truly love a man even when he is not living up to his responsibility or treating you right? I believe an answer to this will probably help check divorce rates, remember it’s supposed to be ‘for better, for worse’.

Brethren, while marriage is an important phase in an individual’s life and it is a beautiful thing to be married, when it is ventured into without proper preparation and I aint talking about the wedding, it brings poor performance. There are way too many people out there who in the strict sense are not ready to be married but are popping rings and squealing ‘Yes, I’ll marry you’. In my reflection, I identified some childish things I am yet to put away and with God on my side, I’m gonna work on them. Do you have some childish things to put away as well? Please work on them now before you tie the knot for marriage is for the mature and not pikins (kids).

Muchos Lovos!

Mind over Matter

When I think about the intricacies that involve the mind, I am in awe especially because it seems like something particular to an individual yet totally out of grasp. The mind houses our thoughts, it’s where change is birthed, where decisions are made, where power is generated, where vision is conceived, where mistakes are made and where sin is committed. Most times, the act isn’t where we have gone wrong, it is in our inability to decide to do right in our mind and in the thoughts we give free reign which eventually gives birth to the act……we forget that our thoughts define us, before our actions do. The mind is so important yet we tend to undermine the potency of its power. We focus more on the exterior and allow it control the interior which will present a casualty because the interior was designed to control the exterior.

A computer is programmed to run based on the software applications installed in it. The monitor, keyboard and mouse are some of the external parts while the parts we cannot see, the Motherboard, CD Drives, Interface Card, Chip sets, RAM cards, etc are essentially what brings value to the computer. Now, note that the external parts are all the same but the RAM, programs and software applications differ and depend on the preference of the programmer. The value I get from my computer is not based on the screen or mouse type essentially but is because of what I can do with/on it. The problems I can solve with it, the things I can save on it, the different applications that serve to make my life easier and better.

Every human has a pair of eyes, a nose, a mouth, two hands, two legs……same external features but what really makes us different is the programs (mindsets, idiosyncrasies, thought patterns, belief systems) we have installed in our minds. This determines the value we bring to our selves and the society. Now, when a virus is introduced into the computer, it distorts normal function and threatens to crash the hard drive. Sometimes, an antivirus can successfully clean the system out, but in the difficult cases, the drive needs to be formatted and totally wiped out to properly function again.

When the storms of life come our way, when challenges arise, when it seems like nothing is working and everything threatens to crash, how do we find a way to get back to a state of proper function? Think about it, the virus does not target the monitor, mouse or keyboard, it goes for the most important part of the computer which is vital to its function. We need to understand that the trials and issues we go through daily may seem overwhelming but if they cannot get to the very core of our being, we keep standing. Situations and circumstances will try to mess with your mind and distort the programs installed in there but this can only happen if you let them.

It is very important to have the right programs installed in our human system. What you feed into your mind is what comes back to you; the measure of work you subject your mind to will determine the measure of worth that you get. So many things that are totally against God’s standards have become the norm but the only way to stand firm and not conform is to ensure we have the right knowledge by updating (renewing) the programs(mind) continually from the manufacturers (God). In a world where so many incidences threaten our peace and faith, the only way to stay sane is to stay connected to a source of inner peace (God) which is inspite of circumstances, peace that surpasses all understanding.

With having the right program also comes the responsibility of installing a potent antivirus (faith), it is critical to load up your ‘antivirus’. When you buy a computer, you are advised to get a potent antivirus to install on the system before you begin use, this is because for a computer that will live up to its value and use, lots of applications, internet downloads and file transfers will occur. These activities will present a viral threat but the presence of an antivirus protects the system from crashing. You can try to watch the discs and flash drives (songs and videos) you use on the system, the sites you visit (company and friends) and files you download on the internet but some viruses are stubborn and tricky and still find a way of sneaking up on you. When you have an already installed potent antivirus though, the virus meets a dead end and gets destroyed.

I remember this story of a sick man in the hospital but the doctors couldn’t diagnose his ailment. A close friend told him about some medicine that could heal him but he had to take it religiously. The man having tried different physicians to no avail decided to have faith in his friend’s medication. He took the meds routinely and started getting better, eventually he came back to good health and when he asked his friend what drug he was given his friend smiled and said, ‘candy’.

What you believe in will work for you. The mind is so powerful; it can control the body irrespective of what may be happening to it. A healthy mind can heal a sick body, family or nation. No matter who you are or where you come from, if you can conceive those ideas in your mind, you can realize them. We need to stop focusing on the challenges that threaten our growth and channel our efforts into building the right mindsets that will transform our lives. Culture, people, background, friends, the environment, recession, challenges cannot hold you down if they cannot penetrate into your mind to dilute and distort the way you think. The mind takes preeminence over whatever the matter may be, if you let it. YOU get to decide how situations will affect you. I leave you with words from Napoleon Hill, ‘there is no limitation to the mind except that which we acknowledge’.



Muchos lovos

Keep it moving, he’s taken!

The reward for hard work is usually success, not all the time but most of the time. Success requires a lot of hard work and some more. You need determination, diligence, consistency, wisdom and lots of faith. It is possible to work hard and not work smart, usually I find that to work smart, I always have to draw up my scale of preference to decide what is most important and work from that to the less important. These and some other things but that’s beside the focus of this write up here.

I have come to discover that the more one works at something, the clearer one’s perspective is and the better one becomes; be it a skill, art or intellectual rite. It’s the same ol’ saying- ‘practice makes a man perfect’ you want to make something better, you don’t go to sleep, you stay awake and work at it, learning new ways to improve and add value and if you keep it at, you begin to reap the fruits of your labour. Its like watching a lily flower open up, days of nurture, attention and the bud sprouts and opens into a beautiful flower. The feeling of satisfaction and joy is profound.

Now, it doesn't come easy, that's why its called HARD work. You put in all that time n effort, nurture, attention, investment, resources and so much heart and just when you are about ready to lean back and enjoy the harvest from nowhere comes the thief, wanting the results but not the work.

Oh yes, Miss Husband Snatcher, I just drove up your avenue.

Each time i hear about Lil Miss Thing going after someone’s husband, I wonder where the bolt that’s supposed to keep the sense intact went to. It’s not even so much about the die-hard principle of seed time n harvest which no one can do anything about, or the law of karma that tells us ‘what goes around comes around’ but I just can’t help but wonder......how do they sleep at night?

How do you live with yourself knowing the havoc you are causing in a home n union put together by God? Lady, you wanna mess with somebody, please don’t choose God, you will drown! A marriage is ordained by God, He is very much interested in that institution and when He gets reports about someone messing it up, He doesn’t take it lightly at all! To be held responsible for breaking up a covenant is not a good add on your CV, trust me, you don’t want to be in the ring facing God, you could never win. I mean the so many reasons and excuses these strange women give ...... ‘she doesn’t meet his needs’ ‘she doesn’t satisfy him sexually’ ‘he’s lonely’ bla bla bla.......Jesus is coined ‘saviour’ not you honey.....there is absolutely no reason justifiable to be entangled with a married man.

I know some men go after other ladies even while married, but if they had no one to indulge ‘em, I wonder what they will do? Let’s see......they probably would be forced to look into their marriages and work at it, since they have no one/place to turn to.....and this is how it should be. Now, there are some men minding their business and here comes Lil Miss Thing recognising what a mine he is sets her claws to score herself ‘a good catch’. Either she’s looking to entertain herself, milk him dry or take over the wife position, whatever the motive is, the handle is- that kind of strategy has no blessing in it. Ain’t nothing sugary about a daddy or uncle, you can’t grow while causing somebody pain, it doesn’t work that way.

When a man is married, he is off limits, committed, taken, sold out, off the market, not available, $%^#!&%$!.........for those who don’t speak English. Personally, when a guy is in a relationship, he is off limits for me but I understand there is still a possibility of him making a different choice in the future but with marriage, he already made a choice and sweetie, it isn’t you. He chose her, forget that fib about he wishing he met you first, believe it or not, there were other options around when he chose her and he didn’t do it with his eyes closed, men don’t make such decisions half-heartedly, it is a very calculated one. Now, as if playing second fiddle isn’t bad enough, you really think he loves you don’t you? Then why is he still in the marriage? I mean God gave you a brain sister, please use it!

Why do you have to go after what belongs to someone else? You don’t believe you are good enough to get yours? You don’t trust God to bless you with a good man? That man is attractive to you because his wife invested in him, why don’t you also invest in a man and watch him blossom? And when he does, would you like to give him away to another woman?

I think there are enough men to go around if you would just be patient and wait for yours. Is there a delay? Pray, work on yourself, acquire skills, become a better person. If you admire and would like someone like Mr. Husband, do not covet him, try and find out what it takes to attract someone like him. Even if he does leave his wife for you, can you be sure he wouldn’t also leave you for another Miss Thing? Stop setting yourself up for failure, be honourable, keep your claws off married men and the good Lord will smile upon you.

Having respect for marital commitment can also be the beginning of wisdom, ‘cause that shows you fear the Lord and the next time you spot a sister gunning after a married man, you know what you gotta do.........give her a good punch, to knock some sense into her. I'm Kidding!!!

Mo’

Stop the Pain, NOT Your Life! 4

Summary:

1.  Matured friends/spiritual leaders have a part to play by holding up your hand when you are down and tired.

2.  You have a part to play by bracing yourself up, letting go, forgiving, learning from the past and hanging in there in God’s presence never letting him go. As Jacob told that angel he wrestled with “I will not let you go, unless you bless me”. Don’t let go of His presence. You need it….it’s your lifeline!

3.  God has a part to play which He will never fail to do. He is faithful. He is the Restorer, and He gives BEAUTY FOR ASHES!

Sometimes I look back, and I wonder to myself how I ever went through that ordeal without going on leave from work, or going crazy. I had to leave my work in church for a while because at that time I was a minister for married women and I had just lost a marriage, so I felt I didn’t have anything to offer them at that time. I later came back after a month to join the work force and this decision blessed my life tremendously because we shall SERVE the Lord our God, and He shall bless our bread and our water and take sickness away from our midst. All Glory to God!

The answers to how I went through the pain with my life not stopping are the major lessons that I have shared above. Your healing process doesn’t have to take several months or years. Some months after my experience, I was already radiating JOY, it didn’t take too long after then, I was bubbly and jumping all over the place. Even my colleagues at work could not understand what had come over the usual ‘quiet me’. I was more alive; the dead look was gone and gone forever. Praise God!!!

Today as I write, several months down the line, I am free of every pain and regret, and my life has progressed remarkably, and it can only get better. 2 Cor. 1: 3-4 says “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. I have received this comfort, and I constantly run to Him…and so I can tell you this: Don’t let this pain kill you or make your life stop my dear, maintain the right attitude and you will give birth to more in the future than you have lost in the past. (I learnt that statement from a book I read by Joel Osteen) – Becoming a Better you! A must read for every believer, I must say. Joel Osteen made a statement that changed my life, marked my mind and stayed with me. He said “I don’t believe that divorce is God’s best. Unfortunately, sometimes it is unavoidable, when all the options are placed on the table, divorce sometimes is the ‘best’ option there is to follow at that time, else a destiny destroyed, a life crushed or worsened and more havoc caused. If you have been through a divorce, understand that God still has another plan for your life. Just because someone rejected you or walked out of your life and left you hurt, doesn’t mean you should retreat and settle where you are. That rejection or failure of a marriage doesn’t change what God has put on the inside of you. It doesn’t mean that you cannot be happy. When one door closes, if you will keep the right attitude, God will open another door. But you have to do your part and keep pressing forward”.

In conclusion, don’t add to the population of the bitter people we have on earth you deserve a better life. Rise up and brace yourself. No pain is worth you dying, no pain is worth you losing your mind, no pain is worth you losing that glorious destiny of yours, no pain is worth killing that BEAUTIFUL YOU! Rise up and come out of that fire stronger, better and wiser such that your world would have no choice but to celebrate you.

If you need help or assistance to walk/work with you step by step on your specific situation or someone to talk to, kindly send an e-mail to thistooshallpass@gmail.com, someone would respond to you and we would all learn from one another and grow together, we can affect lives and be a help to our generation. God is mindful of us, and He sure will see us through. I love you all dearly, and I see a greater and better you! Rise up to the challenge, Yes we can!

For all kinds of pain, this is applicable. Is it something that you have done wrong? Is it a sin that so easily entangles you? Is it a habit? You still need to stay accountable, seek help, brace yourself and forgive yourself. Let it go and go for God’s presence like never before. Hang in there in His presence and His WORD by praying in the spirit and speaking His word. These perform wonders ICor14:4!!! Pray in the Spirit like never before and refire. James 1:19:20. You would need a lot of patience, be swift to hear and slow to speak cause so many people may judge you based on your pain, but just let it all go, and refuse to react in pain. THE SECRET TO STAYING BEAUTIFUL IS HIS WORD AND HIS PRESENCE! The beautiful story continues….........

***I am blessed to have someone share this with me, it takes experiencing pain for a lot of people to realize the truths in this message but alas, not everybody learns the lessons, even after going through trials. We still have loads of brothers and sisters harbouring hurts and pain from the past, walking in unforgiveness and being unable to let go and grow to be a better person. No matter how hard and profound what happens, it doesn't matter, your peace of mind and destiny are so much more important than the rocks life throws at you. We have a very present help to run to, He's ever faithful, ever near, ever true. Reach out to God and watch Him transform your life such that you wont even recognize it.

So this is kinda different from my usual love posts, not to worry, I'll be back at ya with some lovey dovey stuff real soon! :D

Muchos Lovos!