This is for you…….mama’s boy.

Mothers are special. The things they do for a child, the sacrifices they make, the lengths they go to, the burdens they bear, oh, and the pain! Hours roll into days, screams and well sometimes the curses just to birth a child. The scares, the worries, the sleepless nights and the denials; characteristics of motherhood. A certainty is- they always say it is worth the entire ordeal. They do not seem to mind going through all they do because the satisfaction and joy in watching a child grow n develop is immeasurable.

Given all that a mother goes through to bring up her child to be relevant n on point, one may say that it is not surprising that she may be over protective and jealously guard her ‘investment’ from predators! Who dares fault her? Were this people there when she went through all that she did to train her baby? Did they bear the cost? How dare they tell her to let go n back off? They must be high on something eh? He who pays the piper should dictate the tune innit? Well, a mother can only do so much, but when it comes to marriage, as hard as it may be, she needs to back off to an extent, n do her guarding 007, James Bond style!

You may ask, what about fathers? I’m not focusing on the dads because even though they also play vital roles in their children’s lives, given few exceptions, I find out the bond isn’t usually as strong n tight as you will find it is with mothers n their kids. Perhaps it’s a gender thing, perhaps its because they didn’t carry the pregnancy n go through labor, whatever it is, it appears the bond between a mother n her child is usually strong n unbreakable. I mean, when extended family issues arise between a couple, it usually is about the mother-in-law!

So, a guy meets the woman of his dreams, grows to love her and marries her. She is supposed to now become his numero uno, his focus, and his queen….together, they are to build a family. Supposed, but not always the case. Okay, rewind and let’s check where this guy is coming from. He probably lost his father at a tender age n his mom struggled to cater for his needs. Perhaps his own story is about the mother that had to sell her jewellery n starve to see him through school. Whatever the scenario, in his opinion, his mom got him to where he is and he owes her everything n of course her word is ‘yes n amen’. How nice, quite touching, very noble but I’m telling you this kind of thinking might be his undoing.

Before you trip n mis-understand me, I’m not saying a guy shouldn’t be grateful to his parents or mom particularly for her labor of love, I’m not saying he should disregard her because he is married, I’m not saying she becomes less important because he took a wife……all this girl is saying is, a man should be able to define both positions clearly n audibly without any interference……the positions of his wife n mother. What am I about? Ok, take a chill pill n let’s see shall we?

The positions of a wife and mother are two very important and unique roles in a man’s life. One comes before the other. If the first one messed it up, the other would have to pay dearly for it, but if she did a fine job, the other enjoys the fruit of her labor. Perhaps this is why some mothers find it difficult to let their daughters-in law enjoy their sons; because they feel they did all the sowing! It may be a natural feeling, but is it Godly?

‘And a man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife……and they shall become one.’ Forgive me, but I personally think the Word should have said ‘leave his mother’, really. I say this because many a men n women are still attached to their mama’s apron strings. Tied and all knotted up……..not willing to let go. Mama makes all the decisions for them, mama decides who their friends are, mama determines what school n course they study. Mama’s opinion is the way forward. Without mama, there’s no decision making, she’s like an oracle that has to be consulted, she gives the verdict. Their home is run based on her template and if he can wing it, she would determine what meals should be served! I believe mothers have noble intentions towards their kids but if some boundaries are overstepped, hey, trouble is in town!

A man that cannot manage his mom and her influences is putting his home in jeopardy. Most, if not every mother will want to interfere in the affairs of her son’s home, but I believe it behooves the man of the house to handle his business. There can never be two captains in the same ship, that would only birth chaos because the crew would be confused on whose orders to follow. If you ask me, the way I picture it is like a relay race…..with the eye on the prize. The focus is to see the man fulfill his God-given purpose and be fulfilled. Mama started the race, and at a particular point, it’s time to pass the baton to wifey. Now, in a relay race, once the baton is passed, the one who passed it has done his/her part and leaves the other, hoping and praying that he/she would come through. If he/she tries to interfere, the umpire blows the whistle and disqualifies that team. The goal hence goes down the drain; prize is lost.

Best shot? Partnership, work together. Once the common goal has been identified- to help this man be all that he would be, mama and wifey should partner up, each respecting the other and sticking to her part of the deal. Guyz need to realize that no matter how much your wife loves your mom; she doesn’t want her running her home. She may be grateful for her advice, tips and insight, but she doesn’t want mama calling the shots. The challenge most guyz face is trying to balance his affection between both of them, so one does not feel deficient. Hey, good call, but I ask, if a woman can make her husband her priority n focus, over her family and children, why is it hard for the man to do the same? Why does it always have to feel like a competition between mama n wifey? You don’t cook like my mom, you don’t know how to make it like mom does, I like it the way mom does it….etc. News flash! She’s never probably gonna do it like mama does, so get used to it! If she’s nice, she may be willing to learn from mama so she can please you, but hey……there’s no point trying to make her feel inadequate by comparing her to mama……..I wouldn’t do that if I were you!

I know of scenarios where the mom determines how much her son gives for monthly upkeep, where every career decision he makes is inclined to her without caring how the wife feels about it, where whatever his mom says, whether right or wrong takes pre-eminence over the affairs of the home. There’s no way the husband-wife bond can be made strong with this. God wasn’t deluded when he gave that Word. That big step into marriage is the final bustop on parental manipulation. Yes, listen to them, by all means seek their advice, but at the end of the day, what counts and matters and is priority should be what you and your wife have to say to each other. A man marries his wife, not his mother. The wife is the major stakeholder in a man’s life. She bears his children and can make or mar him. Boy, you better wise up. Bitterness, resentment and grudges aint good spices to cook up your home with. I’m just saying, if you want the best out of your wife, don’t alienate her, don’t make her feel she’s in second place, don’t make her feel like her opinions have to be sanctioned by a third party…….if she can make you her number one, she expects to be yours. I am yet to meet a woman who likes to be second in her man’s heart. Even the polygamous wives will tell you it ain’t beans at all.

If you have been careful to marry a good, Godly and ordained wife, she will love your mom just like you do…….she would be grateful to your mom because she knows without her influence, she wouldn’t have had you. So, bro, it’s on you to choose carefully and prayerfully and to define and manage both loves of your life. Oh, and while you are at it, it also would be nice if you can untie those apron strings bit by bit….till you are free. Hey, that’s the only way you are gonna get me, cos I am just so allergic to mama’s boyz! :D

Muchos Lovos

This is me......BLOGGING! Whew!

Holla! :D 


Dear Faithfuls n Blog fam, 


Yes, I am here!


How av we been? I really really apologize (bended knees fo' realz) for not putting any post up for some weeks now......your gurl has been here n there, doing all sorts.....haven't even been able to visit blogs I follow like I would want to for a bit naw.....its not even funny! I have missed you all! Here's hoping it gets better........


Fountain Flows is one year old this month! :D Should do a post to celebrate you guyz for believing n cheering on FF, she is indeed grateful for your support so far.....its been a very fulfilling n interesting blogging year n I look forward to greater thingz!


The Nigerian Blogger Awards is on! I have done my nominations for blogs that fit different categories. To do the same, visit the nomination page and vote for your fav blogs.......I hope I am one of 'em :)


This is kinda different from my usual posts n probably the shortest I have ever written.....ha ha, but I just didn't want to stay away till i can write a proper one......its been long enough really :(


Nevertheless, a quick one:


As usual, (the fb pelzin that I am) i started a debate about kissing n pre-marital sex. God has called every believer to keep the bed undefiled i.e avoid pre-marital sex. Now, for those who want to avoid pre-marital sex, is it safe to kiss? Can you handle kissing without thinking about sex, touching n caressing? Is sex only about the act or its more about what goes on in your mind even before the act? 


I look forward to your engaging responses as always.


Till I come your way soon.....yes, real soon, do have a wonderful rest of the week! 




Muchos Lovos!

Blogfest- A first!

Okay! So, I was on Myne's page today where I read a very funny joke (still laffing) courtesy the 'Laughter is the Best Medicine Blogfest' by Leigh Moore


Fountain Flows will clock one in June n I am yet to do a blogfest n well, this seems pretty easy, so here goes......


The rule says a favorite writer joke or a favorite job-related joke.....and since none of 'em readily comes to mind, I'll zoom for the last part of the rule that says my favorite joke or story! Enjoy!


Four committed catholic women were having a chat one cool evening and trust women, each one was trying to outdo the other. Then got so engrossed and took it to their kids. They began to brag about their children. 


Woman 1: My son is an Arch Bishop, when he walks into a room, people say- His Grace/Lordship.


Woman 2: Oh, my son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room, people say- His Eminence.


Woman 3: Well, my son is a Priest and when he walks into a room, people say- Father.


Woman 4 (with a straight look): You should know that my son is a 6 Foot, body building, strong n well muscled stripper......oh and when he walks into a room, women say 'Oh my GOD!'




Question: Now, whose baddass? Ha ha!




Laughter sure is good. Thanks Leigh n Myne!




Much love!

Is Love really all that matters?

‘And always after all…….love is all that matters….’ Two hands in the air, waving, left-right style with the body swaying in tune………ok, stop the Diana Ross please!

Awhile ago, I put on FB- ‘is love really enough?’ and jeez, I got the highest number of comments ever! It was a debate that generated a lot of ruckus because peeps kept coming up with different and very interesting perspectives.

Love is patient, Love is kind and Love does not envy nor boast. Love is not proud, not rude n is not self-seeking. Love keeps no records of wrong n is not easily angered. Love doesn’t delight in evil, rejoices with n at the truth. Love perseveres n never fails.

Love believes all things, endures all things, covers all n is the greatest gift of all.

Peoples have different definitions of love- some say it is blind, some say it turns you into a stupido, others say it makes you weak. I was having ‘love-gist’ with a friend n he reminded me of that old definition youngsters give to love- Love is a feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you have never felt before! Panadol Please! Wahala!

Love remains a topic, issue, emotion that continually generates concern n interest. We can’t seem to shun love can we? It is disheartening though that the real meaning n essence of love has been basterdized n re-invented. Love to suit the present age, love like we like n want it to be, love to ease our conscience n excuse our behavior.

I always say that to get n know the true definition of love is to know n experience GOD. Oh Yes! God originated love, it is the essence of His being and it is who He is! There’s no way you can be tight with God n not have a profound understanding of love like He meant it to be.

Looking at the attributes of love in 1 Cor 13, I can say that if every single being was careful to do thus, this world would be a helluva of a better place. The two greatest commandments are about love; 1- You LOVE God with all your being n 2- You LOVE your neighbor as yourself. It really does seem like love is all we need to make the world a better place, it really should be enough for living. I mean Jesus came just because God loved the world. Its gotta be love, that should be the answer to it all. So, ama ask again, ‘is love really enough?’ Especially in relationships, is love really really enough to go all da way?

I stop to think. Jesus called it the GREATEST of all commandments, which means there are others. It is also the greatest gift of all, so, there are other gifts too. If love were all that we needed, why did they have to be others? Somebody? Anybody?

Here’s what I think. Love is KEY, VITAL, PRIORITY, but it isn’t all that there is to it, I dare to say it is not enough. Let’s check it out shall we?

Naturally or by design, I get to hear a lot of relationship gist n stories. Perfect couples you thought nothing could shake them coming apart, peoples you know love each other dearly walking away from each other, n I couldn’t help my mind. These guys love each other, why wasn’t it enough to make it last? I’ll tell you why.

Love may be the foundation of a relationship, it may be the main course of a meal but without the right building materials or the right appetizer/fluid, the essence of the ‘project’ may become watered. The first blink for a go-ahead should be love, but it shouldn’t stop there. What about values? What about purpose? What about belief systems? Credos? What about compatibility? Communication? Commitment? Family Upbringing? Shouldn’t these count?

Once upon a time, there was this guy I really liked, I can say I loved him, but we had issues communicating. In the end, I was frustrated. That’s what happens when we don’t build our love with the right materials. If love is built with conflicting values, wrong beliefs, differing expectations, un-equal commitment, what becomes of the love? This is why I always say that one cannot be too careful in guarding the heart! Once it begins to do marathon love race, the vision becomes beclouded. We begin to excuse things we normally wouldn’t even consider. Emotions are already in the way. Personally, the extent and information I have about a person influences how I feel about that person i.e. for me to love you, I have to know you to an extent; but we don’t get to know everything, do we?

Case Study- Dee meets Damon, Fireworks are all over, and they seem to have similar values n beliefs. Dee is the daughter of a pastor who got saved early n has lived her life for God. Damon is a politician’s son, his papa has 3 wives. He got saved during NYSC n has been doing his best to live for God. Dee keeps encouraging him n he falls head over heels in love with her. The feeling is mutual. They walk down the aisle n all seems to be rosy n well. First child n the second…..God is good. Dee always knew she had a calling, she wasn’t so given to politics but she supported her husband Damon who eventually became a politician too. Now, the impression is strong; Dee has to go on missionary duties, Damon is not too happy about that even though he promised not to interfere with her calling, more so he needs his wife around, the gubernatorial polls would look better with her by his side. They begin to argue n fight, eventually, Damon gives. He reasons, God’s been good to us n we have to serve him too. Long n short, Dee went on more n more duties n Damon got more n more lonely. Eventually, he called her up one day n told her about his decision to marry Clara. She had been very supportive n would be helpful in his political career. Dee cannot believe her ears; she feels hurt n betrayed n separates. She lives alone now.

OK, Ok. Now don’t even tell me that this is far-fetched. I do say it could have played out differently. There might have been more understanding n compromise but in this case, that’s how it happened. It doesn't also mean that a pastor’s daughter cannot marry a guy from a polygamous home, but she needs to be sure he is detached from that mentality.

What am I saying? It’s simple. Let love guard n rule your heart but do not let it becloud your choice of a marital partner. Love is not blind, it can see pretty well. Have you seen pointers of future hitches n you have been ignoring it? You keep considering the fact that you really love this person but are you sure your love can handle it when it blows up in your face? You better ask somebody. In a nut shell, let pure, genuine n God-like love lead the way but don’t forget to take with you it’s brothers n essentials. They make the dish very palatable. Now, it doesn’t mean trouble won’t come even so, but then you have a common ground to deal with it. If the foundation be faulty, what can you do? I also say, if your building materials be faulty, where do you go? What do you do?

Much Love!

P.S- Please excuse my long post, this issue has been on my mind for awhile n sure, I had a lot to say……*wink* LOL!

That Ego……a blessing or a curse?

I was arguing with a certain male once upon a time n it was so obvious he was wrong; the dumbest person could tell, yet he wasn’t going to give. He kept on harping on his lame point n at a point I was disgusted. I like to argue but only when it’s done intelligently. I mean, if n when a person is wrong, shouldn’t he/she be graceful in admitting n taking correction? Not my guy oh! God forbid that he bow to my opinion…..after all I am a lady! What more does my specie know to do than to cook, clean n keep house? SMH!

It didn’t take so much to figure out what he was about. It’s all about the ego. That sacred, untouchable aspect of a man’s being a lady shouldn’t be messing with. What exactly is the ego anywayz? Let’s ask the dictionary shall we? It says, ‘the ‘I’ or self of any person as thinking, feeling or willing……. It also says, ‘conceit, self-esteem or self-importance feelings. Do we get the picture? If you don’t, just think about the reason why a man would refuse to help his wife within/without the home n we are good to go. Ok? Let’s go!

So, we have an idea of what the ego is. Everyone has a measure of it but am I biased to say the men have a larger dose of it? Ego in itself is not a bad thing. It’s just like saying one has a measure of self-esteem. A healthy self-esteem is required to maintain healthy relationships n succeed. One’s self-concept is very important. It’s gotta be right n healthy. Now, what happens when there is a very high supply of this? High self-esteem, high self-concept, too much ego…..I’ll say it’s tantamount to pride, in any way you might wanna explain it, I’m all ears. Shall we see the dictionary again? It says, ‘pride is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.’ So, we can say pride is synonyms with hyper ego or an over-inflated self-esteem.

God is His wisdom knows why he created man the way he did. The physique, emotions, mind, qualities n attributes. Interestingly, it seems He put a good dose of the ego in the whole package, but I doubt if He intended it to be a curse. A man without an ego is unattractive-at least to me. He’s gotta have ‘balls’! Can’t be acting all sissy n jelly. He has to be able to earn my respect n admiration and his ego has a lot to do with that. We all know that saying- too much of anything is bad? Well, in this case I agree! Yes, please have that ego but a super duper dose? No, thanks….I’ll pass!

What is it that makes a man make rash decisions n then cannot revoke it even with pleas n in the face of imminent destruction? What makes a man think women are created for his pleasure n he can have them when he pleases? What makes a man think there’s no lady he could ever ask out that would say ‘No’ to him? What makes a man think he can hurt a woman n then give her a time limit to get over it? What makes it difficult for a man to apologize to his wife even after he has caused her so much pain? What makes it difficult for a man to help his wife with her work/chores? What makes a man go berserk when his masculinity is questioned? Brethren, the ‘what makes….’ won’t end. Have a whole lot of them.

A dear friend said to me, ‘girl, I am advising you like a brother would. Never, ever touch your man’s ego. It’s the worst thing you could do to a man.’ Wow! I must say, he made a lot of sense as I have come to see that. So, I would say, Ladies, please do your best to stroke your man’s ego n avoid stepping on it. It’s unwise for a sister to say to her man, ‘Be a man’. Honey, he don’t need you telling him that. A woman’s gotta know how to harness her man’s qualities n maximize them. So, two things- Don’t tread on it n stroke it. Yes, massage it. He needs you to. That just means- boost his self confidence n esteem.

Brothers! Now, I’m unto you. I have just one answer for the ‘what makes’ up there…..it’s called an OVER- INFLATED EGO! It is destructive. In as much as you are a man, n you got the power, do not forget you are dealing with a fellow human being even if she might be your woman. ‘Do unto others what you would have them do to you’. No exceptions. Half of what men dish out they cannot take. When it’s over inflated, it is difficult to see. You cannot see past yourself n your needs. You cannot see past her shortcomings. You cannot see or respect her opinions n needs. You cannot see past the arrogance n false sense of authority. I remember this chiker n really, that chase wasn’t a palatable one because all I could see in him was that OVER-INFLATED EGO. Of course, I ran for my dear life.

What caused Lucifer’s fall? That over-inflated ego. Guys, it could be a blessing and vice-versa; it’s your call. If you have a woman that does her best to encourage n impress you, then don’t ruin it. Don’t allow that ego take over. Control it, manage it, do all you can to keep it healthy but not overgrown. Yes, you are the head of the home, the head of the woman, her crown…..you have that much power but the real test of it is to have it n not misuse it. Remember, our choices n decisions make us. He didn’t give it to you to be misused; it is supposed to be a blessing.

So, I am tempted to agree with Beyonce when she says, ‘if it’s too big, too strong, too wide n too much - it WON’T fit ‘cos if he has a huge ego n such a big ego………..I don’t want none of it!

Much love!

Words to live by!

                                          
Holla! I hope everyone’s been doing just great?

I came across these ‘wise sayings’ recently n I thought I should share. Please read n pick that which hits home *smiles*

The measure of a man is based on the position he places God in his life. If God ain’t priority, he CAN’T love you properly.

Ladies, A relationship should be a merger, not a take-over.

Men, understand that it’s an honour to be in the presence of a woman’s emotions, to be in that space is a privilege!

Ladies, if he doesn’t act right, he should get left!

Submission teaches a man accountability n gives the woman a clue to what kind of man he is by the countenance of his mentor.

Ladies, your single time is your BEST time. It gives you the chance to evaluate if he is worthy enough of you. 

Scripture says, U are the prize!

A woman should be able to trace a man’s spiritual lineage (mentorship).

Ladies, don’t be ‘blinded’ by what he has/does. Really, his maturity level determines if he is a ‘Man’ or ‘Boy’.

Ladies, don’t plan that weding and marriage until you have seen the FRUITS, not the words but the fruits of his maturity.

Ladies, Men do not make a mess and not clean up. Only pigs wallow in mess. Make sure he is a man and not a male pig.

A repentant man humbles himself and is broken by her pain. He wants to repair the damage and weeps privately for what he’s done to her.

Men, you cannot hurt a woman and then put a time limit on when she should get over the hurt.

Most men don’t understand sensitivity. Many only know how to HANDLE things!!! Sadly, they also try to HANDLE their women!

Dear daughter, when you fail to define yourself, you leave room for any man to come in and define you.

Learning to ignore some things is one of the great paths to inner peace.

You win some, you lose some and some get rained out…..but you have to get dressed for all of them- Satchel Paige.

Here’s wishing everyone a happy Easter celebration while we remember the reason for the season.

Much love!

Eko o ni baje!

'Everyman sent out from his university should be a man of his Nation as well as a man of his time.' - Woodrow Wilson.

Hi blog-pals, hope we had fabulous weekends yeah?

This deviates from my regular posts in a tiny winny way. Yea, we still going to talk about love but this time, it wouldn't be about the mushy mushy boy-girl thingy......this time I'm about the love for a city.

I remember I used to dread the city of Lagos like it was a plague. Say Lagos and all I could think of was traffick jams, one-chance, kidnap, non-existing power, notorious Oshodi, Danfo survival, flooding during the rains, noise, dirt, too many people, robbery........just name any vice n I easily linked it to Lagos. Insanity! I vowed never to live in Lagos, why suffer when places like Abuja exists?

January 1, 2008, my family n I cruised into Lagos for our usual LIG Family Re-union.....right from the 'Aro-meta', we started seeing changes. My dad could not stop talking about how clean the streets were. You see, he was born, buttered, sugared n Tea-d in Lagos n it had been awhile since he saw a clean Lagos. No traffick. The land was looking green n sane. He was impressed with the present government.

The heart is the center of a man's being. It controls almost everything about him. Little wonder the good book tells us to guard our hearts with all diligence for out of it springs the issues of life. True words. As a man would think in his heart, so is he. Now, who wouldn't agree with me that Lagos is the heart of Nigeria? Anybody?

Even with all the 'terrible' testimonies about Lagos, the people ain't leaving, rather what you see is an influx of people from in and out of the nation looking for greener pastures. Relatives invite their people from the village communities to come n make a living in Lagos. Thousands of people come into the city to transact business on a daily basis. Live the life, partake of the hype....as a Lag babe/bobo is concerned. Societies n international organizations recognize the city n it has a whole lot of awards to its name. You just cannot undermine the effect this city has on the nation as a whole.

Imagine a Japan without Tokyo, imagine a United States without New York, imagine a United Kingdom without London.......now, imagine a Nigeria without Lagos.

In case you are wondering if this is a campaign, dispel that thought. I'm not even a Lagos indigene, but when I see progress, I commend it. Kudos to the Babatunde Raji Fashola government for working on Lagos n making it work. I came across the I SEE LAGOS page on Facebook which encourages people to air n express their visions for Lagos. The BRF government seeks to hear from the people; what do you want from Lagos? What do you see when you see Lagos? Please visit this link to share your vision- http://www.facebook.com/iseelagos

Share your ideas n concepts and be rest assured it would be taken into consideration. Who knows, you might be getting a contract.

We can make it better, we can make changes. For my peeps in diaspora,  but just imagine a Lagos with a dysfunctional airport.....how do you wanna visit n come home? We all know MM2 is still the most functional airport in Naija, last time I checked. So, this is about you too. This is a chance to give your input.

My song definitely isn't the same......I sing a different note now. Lagos still has its hustle n bustle, but living is a lot better. At least each day, we have power supply for 12 hours (give/take). The roads are clean, waste management works. Transportation is better, I am yet to be robbed n I can walk through Oshodi without being tosssed about. I'll say Lagos is working.

So, dear blog-fam......this is about my found love for Lasgidi (Lagos). I am a Lasgidi babe confirmed!

Please visit the I SEE LAGOS Facebook page or website to leave your ideas- http://www.iseelagos.org.ng/

'The Lagos we SEE is the future we'll have'

Eko o ni baje!

Much love!

Marriage…Best Before:?? ?? ????

On this hot, really sunny Saturday afternoon, Mo’ was so spent n thirsty; she had spent the better part of the day cleaning n she needed to revitalize. So, she stepped out to the corner shop to get a bottle of Viju Apple juice. Viju safe in hand, she’s about to unscrew when something just tells her to check the expiry date. Lo’ n behold, it was 6 months past its shelf life. There was no way Mo’ was gonna take that. She returned the juice n got her refund. Good thing the content was still intact.

How many of us check the expiry date of products especially food n meds before buying n consuming ‘em? I know I used to n somehow along the way, I forgot to but now, I am back in the business. Can’t be having ill health due to my carelessness, that’s a luxury I cannot afford. If you ain’t in the habit of checking, I suggest, scratch that, I plead that you imbibe it. You never know. There’s a reason manufacturers put the expiry date on their products. It means you would only get the best out of it before that date, anytime after n what you get is something substandard. Well, if I spend to purchase, it better be the best I could get. It’s my hard earned money we are talking about! Lol!

Ok! So people, what about marriage? Should brides n grooms come with expiry dates too? Lucy bearing a sign- ‘Yo! You better come marry me before xx-xx-xxxx if you wanna get the best outta me!’ ‘A day after n my value n worth keeps reducing, grab me now!’ Something like that.

Each time I tell people I aint in a relationship presently, they look at me or react like I have grown horns on my head n ask, ‘what is wrong?’ ….SMH…. I really try not to get offended. I guess society has just made it that a girl my age should be in a serious relationship headed for marriage or even be married! A pikin like me. Why would a 27/28 years old lady be without a man when she’s expected to be married before 30 after which she would be considered to have married late? I ask, by whose standards?

Marriage I believe is a beautiful institution God created for two individuals to come together n unite to fulfill purpose. It’s should be a sacred union, merging the values, beliefs, visions n souls of two people. I believe next to choosing to live for God, picking a marital partner is about the most important decision a person could make. You best be getting it right, because, it would shape n determine the course of your life. So, we know how serious this step is n how it needs to be approached carefully n prayerfully. Why then are people so much in a hurry to get into it, they don’t take the time to get it right? It is going to be for a lifetime, what would a few ‘extra’ years hurt to get it right? What is the rush? At this point I think I hear someone say, ‘Are you normal?’

I had an argument with a friend awhile back n he was telling me to say ‘yes’ to a chiker he happened to think would be good for me. He felt time wasn’t really on my side n I really cannot afford to be too choosy. I tried not to go ballistic on him, trust me it took all my will power ‘cos I knew he was just looking out for me. It sounded so wrong to me. Why would I settle? Because time isn’t on my side? Do I have an expiry date? A lot of ladies want to be married before 30, that seems to be the assumed ‘best-before’ marriageable date for ladies. A year after that n you are considered to marry late. Again, I ask- by whose standards? Has the society now become God to sit over n judge my life?

I have no oppositions to marrying ‘early’ enough. Personally, I would have loved to be married by 26/27 but right now, it doesn’t appear to be happening, so, shall I go jump into the lagoon because people cannot deal with it? Shall I jeopardize my future with hasty decisions because I want to conform to the expectations of the society n people around me?

Hey, do you feel me? Do you feel like time is running out on you n you have not a single suitor in sight? Do you feel like you have been too choosy n have probably chased away the man for you hoping you would meet Mr. Right? Do you feel you have passed the ‘marriageable age’ n you just have to get used to being with yourself? Hold that thought! Now, crush it! It’s never too late! Despair not! He owns time n if He hasn't said it is too late, then it is not!He makes all things beautiful in HIS time, not your time, not the society’s time but HIS time. Delay is not denial! It may seem like He’s forgotten about you, but Lady, Mister, He’s only working out the best for you.  You only need to keep your hope n faith alive n keep working on n preparing yourself.

Hold up now. There’s a balance. You also have to take an inward look. You have to ask yourself some questions. Are you doing the right things? Are you positioning yourself? Are you sowing the right seeds? Have you prepared yourself? Are your standards n demands reasonable? Have you prayed n sought God? If you have done all these, then please ease your mind n keep trusting God, He will make it happen. Better to have a ‘late’ marriage than an unhappy one or ‘early’ divorce.

Just because Mandy got married at 25, n Katie, 28 doesn’t mean it has to be same for you. Maybe God wants you married at 40! Is that so hard to believe? I know a number of people would disagree with me on this but I tell you if I have to wait till 40 to get it right, I would, rather than settle for/manage something I know is not for me. Guyz, you haven’t found the right one for you n the clock is ticking? Please, keep looking, there sure is that one for you n if the clock bothers you so much, just take out the battery, it definitely would stop ticking (if you know what I mean). Lol!

The only standards n words I want to live by are God’s n if He says it ain’t too late for me n that His thoughts towards me are of good, not evil to bring me to my expected end, n that things will be beautiful in His time, then I think I just wanna focus on getting ready for that time. My energy shall be expended on ‘waiting’ for my harvest. I shall henceforth be oblivious to what society has to say about my relationship status but hold on to 

His promises.

 

Who’s with me?

Much love!

I long to say……..‘YES!’

 

………………but for now, all I seem to be saying is ‘NO’. 

I am inspired to write this because of some wonderful n peculiar set of people who at one point or the other in my twenty-something years have thought me worthy enough to be their girl.

This is to the numerous guyz (yeah, I’m hot like that…..wink) who have said, “Mo’, please be my lady”. I really wish it were that simple n it could have been affirmative; for some it was a big ‘no no’ but for some others, it was an ‘almost’ but in this case we all know almost doesn’t count.

You might wonder why I am doing this; well, I feel it’s been a long time coming. A whole lot of people have been bugging n asking about that LIST. The List that seems to determine the fate of dem brothers. Ha ha! Oh, maybe I don’t have a list, maybe I do, I know at a point I did sit down to write long page(s) of the qualities n values I would love my man to possess. I broke it down to the basics n frivolities-the die-hard ones n the ones I could do without. In my mind, I already had a template to check the poor unsuspecting guys n when they came along, you bet I did my check. 

Good Looks - CHECK! Fat Bank Account – CHECK! Shiny Wheels – CHECK! Fab Job – CHECK! 

OK, you know I’m kidding, but really that’s some peoples check list up there, makes me wonder if the babe is going for the guy or his ‘attaches’. Anywayz, I do my check too….but then a time came, no thanks to some influences when I started to think I was placing too much importance on The List n letting the ‘good guyz’ slip by me. I heard, ‘you iz too picky, too choosy’, ‘you need to amend your list and make it realistic’. I do agree, some of the qualities were a little juvenile, and so I ‘grew’ it up. Still, no candidate fitted the description. Oh, List-Guy, where are you?

Do I sound like you? Have you spent awhile amending and upgrading your list and still, that guy/lady remains MIA? Are you beginning to think you are asking for too much and you need to make your list ‘realistic’? Well, two things; 1- maybe it isn’t the List that needs to change per se but you and 2- maybe you are living in Fantasy Land.

A lot of us want our man/woman to be a certain way but have we taken time to work on us to be that way? You yearn for Mr./Missy Right, have you taken time to make yourself right? Do you think the person you are now can attract Mr./Missy Right to you? Are you well equipped to complement Mr./Missy Right in all wise? So, just maybe your List is fine, but you ain’t and the trick is once you change, your List invariably changes. You see, the List isn’t really about the other person, it’s all about you dearie. :D

Oh, and just maybe you are asking for too much. I know we all have a picture of whom n what we want, trust me, ain’t nobody got it down like I do, but really some of ‘em can be just fickle. It might be a lil difficult to find someone with the entire package, but if we can find 80%, we good yeah? On my list used to be- A Power Dresser! Now, don’t laugh! I feel if I can take time to work on my dress sense, my guy should also do the same, but recently, I had to amend that. My orientation changed n I realize it just might be me he needs to teach him how to ‘Power-dress’. You see, what I am saying is, things like that can be worked upon n learnt as long as the person is willing n teachable; that’s the quality to look out for- a teachable spirit. A person with that attitude can learn to do things different n better. While I would not go for someone with a totally off dress sense, I am open to a guy who may not be a Power Dresser but still knows that plain shirts are better on stripped pants, especially if they have different designs!

A lot of factors influence our choices and sometimes when the obvious doesn’t catch our fancy, we tend to be un-interested. I am so guilty of that but I realize it wouldn’t hurt to take a closer look- from a safe distance though (if you know what I mean) just to be double sure you observed right.

I know my list is not un-realistic because, I actually have met guyz who fit the description well enough, but the conditions weren’t right else, we may have been starting something. For as much as you know you are not being ethereal n fickle in your List, I plead with you, keep working on you n don’t touch that list! I ain’t contradicting me, get it right. You know you have worked on you and have invested in building n getting yourself ready for ‘the one’, then dearie, you deserve someone who also has taken time out to do the same! I don’t vote for settling. Please do not settle, perhaps due to pressure or perceived time-out. In as much as you know that your List-guy/lady abounds n they ain’t a pigment of your imagination, please be patient n wait for that one. Don’t toss off one of those vital qualities you know you cannot live without. E.g, for me, if a guy had all the points in my list down, but couldn’t connect n communicate effectively with me, it ain’t going nowhere. Communication I believe is the live wire of any relationship n it’s on my core qualities, we just have to have that connection!

To all my ‘chikers’ n ‘toasters’, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings, I am sorry if I dashed your hopes. I am sorry if I was harsh n unfeeling, all I did, I needed to do. I just need you to know, I am honored that you thought about me n felt I was worthy enough to share your life with, but alas! It would have been a living hell for incompatibility would have dealt with us. For all those I said ‘NO’ to, it wasn’t because you weren’t good enough, oh no, it solely was n is that - we just ain’t right for each other. My ‘NO’ gives you the opportunity to do better; it only means you just have to keep searching till you find ‘the one’. I realize it wasn’t what you hoped to hear, but really, you knew it was an option. A ‘NO’ shouldn’t be the end of the world. So, let’s shake hands and be friends while we both keep moving on to ‘the promised land’.

Much Love.